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Old 05-22-2012, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,515 posts, read 3,318,206 times
Reputation: 2449

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Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
Are you really that short-sighted, really?
If no one knows then how does it affect them?
Or if its things that people SHOULDN'T know like her love life and where she spends the night then why is it even an issue?

If anything she should have kept whatever she did outside the home a secret.
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:24 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,448,417 times
Reputation: 19165
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
it was the pot. :d

lmao.....apparently! :d
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Old 05-22-2012, 08:51 PM
 
47,585 posts, read 35,922,569 times
Reputation: 21593
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Some people are willing to make the sacrifice for 4 more years of college and some aren't, some are tired of the rules and leave when they turn 18. Neither are bad people for their decisions.
Yes and the problem with those bad decisions is that you end up losing in the end. If this girl stuck it out 4 more years, in 4 years she would have a degree and a good paying job and would be ready for true independence.

That's what most parents would like to see -- because the parents really do care and want to see their child become truly independent.

What's this girl got? She's blowing off college, she's blowing off any decent kind of job where drug testing is going to be done, all so she can lay around getting high and getting laid. She could very likely spend the next 4 years doing nothing more than that and be just as helpless in 4 years as she is today.

The best thing she's got going isn't the boyfriend whose phone she's checking often because she knows full well he's got "interests" on the side, but the love of her parents. Why treat the ones who really love you like crap?

You've never been a parent -- you don't know how much a parent sacrifices, how much a parent loves his/her child, worries over the child, wants for the child, hurts for the child, misses the child.

But it's also all part of the normal empty-nest syndrome, even when it's under the best of circumstances, it's a terribly bittersweet as best time when a child leaves and the parents no longer see that child coming in the door.

At least when the parent is pretty assured that the child is ready and equiped to take on the world, it's easier. In a case like this, the parents know the child is not equipped, not getting off to a good start. This mom wanted to spare her daughter of the difficulties she herself experienced.
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:04 PM
 
47,585 posts, read 35,922,569 times
Reputation: 21593
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
You should empty her room and turn in into something YOU want. Hobby room perhaps. And do it quickly. That'll not only help you with your transition, but you'll be able to enjoy the look on her face when she sees her room is her room no more!
Excellent -- and what Beachmel added to this!

1. It removes that constant reminder of an empty abandoned room. Instead of being a sad spot in the house, it now has new purpose, new meaning. It's symbolic, and the rennovation occupies your time, takes your mind off things.

2. The girl wants her independence and there's nothing that makes you feel more independent than knowing your childhood room is gone. That can be when "adulthood" really hits you.

3. The boxing up of her things is also a good idea, again, she wants to be an adult so it's time for her to find her own storage space, anything she doesn't pick up within a few days can go to Goodwill. It helps the kid realize the parent is getting in tune with their move -- adulthood is about to take form.

4. The realization that your childhood room no longer exists can be almost like a bolt of lightening. Now it feels like they're pushing you out of the nest and now you really do need to think of your future and get things figured out. Now it might be more serious than a bratty spoiled defiant child -- because it's really over! Your parents accept you being gone! They're moving on, doing things and you aren't included -- because you're a big girl now, you thought you wanted to be all big after all. They didn't even keep your childhood room as some shrine.
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Old 05-22-2012, 09:38 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,990 posts, read 5,448,417 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Excellent -- and what Beachmel added to this!

1. It removes that constant reminder of an empty abandoned room. Instead of being a sad spot in the house, it now has new purpose, new meaning. It's symbolic, and the rennovation occupies your time, takes your mind off things.

2. The girl wants her independence and there's nothing that makes you feel more independent than knowing your childhood room is gone. That can be when "adulthood" really hits you.

3. The boxing up of her things is also a good idea, again, she wants to be an adult so it's time for her to find her own storage space, anything she doesn't pick up within a few days can go to Goodwill. It helps the kid realize the parent is getting in tune with their move -- adulthood is about to take form.

4. The realization that your childhood room no longer exists can be almost like a bolt of lightening. Now it feels like they're pushing you out of the nest and now you really do need to think of your future and get things figured out. Now it might be more serious than a bratty spoiled defiant child -- because it's really over! Your parents accept you being gone! They're moving on, doing things and you aren't included -- because you're a big girl now, you thought you wanted to be all big after all. They didn't even keep your childhood room as some shrine.
This is so well put Malamute!! This is exactly right! By changing things up and repurposing the room, packing up belongings for her, her parents are showing her that they are accepting her choices and moving on with their lives. I especially appreciate how you said, "They didn't even keep your childhood room as some shrine."

I guess the reason this hit me so hard, is that I have actually SEEN parents who do this! LOL She wants to move on. Everyone should!
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:21 PM
 
22,209 posts, read 13,014,885 times
Reputation: 23813
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Yes and the problem with those bad decisions is that you end up losing in the end. If this girl stuck it out 4 more years, in 4 years she would have a degree and a good paying job and would be ready for true independence.

That's what most parents would like to see -- because the parents really do care and want to see their child become truly independent.

What's this girl got? She's blowing off college, she's blowing off any decent kind of job where drug testing is going to be done, all so she can lay around getting high and getting laid. She could very likely spend the next 4 years doing nothing more than that and be just as helpless in 4 years as she is today.

The best thing she's got going isn't the boyfriend whose phone she's checking often because she knows full well he's got "interests" on the side, but the love of her parents. Why treat the ones who really love you like crap?

You've never been a parent -- you don't know how much a parent sacrifices, how much a parent loves his/her child, worries over the child, wants for the child, hurts for the child, misses the child.

But it's also all part of the normal empty-nest syndrome, even when it's under the best of circumstances, it's a terribly bittersweet as best time when a child leaves and the parents no longer see that child coming in the door.

At least when the parent is pretty assured that the child is ready and equiped to take on the world, it's easier. In a case like this, the parents know the child is not equipped, not getting off to a good start. This mom wanted to spare her daughter of the difficulties she herself experienced.
This is a GREAT post. There's a lot of wisdom here.
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:43 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,515 posts, read 3,318,206 times
Reputation: 2449
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
This is so well put Malamute!! This is exactly right! By changing things up and repurposing the room, packing up belongings for her, her parents are showing her that they are accepting her choices and moving on with their lives. I especially appreciate how you said, "They didn't even keep your childhood room as some shrine."

I guess the reason this hit me so hard, is that I have actually SEEN parents who do this! LOL She wants to move on. Everyone should!
I know some people who would have NO issue helping mom and dad transform their old room.
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:55 PM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,259 posts, read 8,681,197 times
Reputation: 3336
sending good thoughts your way, you have to find a way to deal with this, do not let it wreck your life, you gotta try to let it go, I know how hard that is. god bless you.
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Old 05-22-2012, 11:39 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,515 posts, read 3,318,206 times
Reputation: 2449
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Yes and the problem with those bad decisions is that you end up losing in the end. If this girl stuck it out 4 more years, in 4 years she would have a degree and a good paying job and would be ready for true independence.

That's what most parents would like to see -- because the parents really do care and want to see their child become truly independent.

What's this girl got? She's blowing off college, she's blowing off any decent kind of job where drug testing is going to be done, all so she can lay around getting high and getting laid. She could very likely spend the next 4 years doing nothing more than that and be just as helpless in 4 years as she is today.

The best thing she's got going isn't the boyfriend whose phone she's checking often because she knows full well he's got "interests" on the side, but the love of her parents. Why treat the ones who really love you like crap?

You've never been a parent -- you don't know how much a parent sacrifices, how much a parent loves his/her child, worries over the child, wants for the child, hurts for the child, misses the child.

But it's also all part of the normal empty-nest syndrome, even when it's under the best of circumstances, it's a terribly bittersweet as best time when a child leaves and the parents no longer see that child coming in the door.

At least when the parent is pretty assured that the child is ready and equiped to take on the world, it's easier. In a case like this, the parents know the child is not equipped, not getting off to a good start. This mom wanted to spare her daughter of the difficulties she herself experienced.
4 years is a LONG time to pretty much neglect your social life because once you graduate then its time to go to work, no partying, 18-21 is the time to get it done and 4 years is also a long time to neglect any sort of a relationship. Telling a potential interest that mommy and daddy have you tethered on such a short leash that you can't spend the night once it gets to that point in the relationship is pretty much going to keep you single all 4 years. No guy wants some girl who's parents have the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and interfere in every aspect of her dating life to the point they even try to restrict her from having sex even after she's turned 18.
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Old 05-23-2012, 02:28 AM
 
5,610 posts, read 6,593,843 times
Reputation: 4675
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
4 years is a LONG time to pretty much neglect your social life because once you graduate then its time to go to work, no partying, 18-21 is the time to get it done and 4 years is also a long time to neglect any sort of a relationship. Telling a potential interest that mommy and daddy have you tethered on such a short leash that you can't spend the night once it gets to that point in the relationship is pretty much going to keep you single all 4 years. No guy wants some girl who's parents have the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and interfere in every aspect of her dating life to the point they even try to restrict her from having sex even after she's turned 18.
No one is saying the girl can't have a social life or relationships while she goes to school. If anything, SC#s said her daughter had plans, where she'd go to and live at college 4-5 hours away (and that poster noted that it was a party school, so evidently, the girl would not have lack for either). This particular situation, the girl had 2 weeks of HS left, was failing because she wasn't fulfilling her responsibilities as a student, now not going to college, isn't self-supporting (no job, driver license, et c) and wreaked havoc on family relations because she wanted "independence".

Granted, there are easier and kinder ways of asserting independence... but that is not the card dealt to SC#s, unfortunately.

Last edited by Inkpoe; 05-23-2012 at 02:42 AM..
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