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Old 01-20-2009, 06:46 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
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If the parents handle the move well, the kids will too.
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Old 01-20-2009, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
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I think every child is different. You cannot put a blanket on moving being a good thing or a bad thing. We just moved with kids ages 6 and 8 and both have adjusted well. Surprisingly I think it was a great move for my son. Before he would suffer from social anxiety, but this move seems to have built his confidence and he is thriving.

However when I was younger we moved, I was 11 and my sister 14. My sister rebelled, became very difficult for my parents, and never forgave them for moving her from her home. Even to this day she still talks about how horrible it was for my parents to do that to her. I loved it, finding new friends, new house, new things to do.
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Old 01-20-2009, 09:58 PM
 
Location: Denver area
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It really depends on many things. The reason for the move, the personality of the kids, the age of the kids, where you are moving....it goes on and on. There is no one answer to this. I moved a lot as a kid, when I was younger it was no big deal. When I was a teen it was horrible. I personally would do anything I could to avoid doing this to my own kids but I also realize some times you just have no choice (especially these days).
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Old 01-21-2009, 08:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
It really depends on many things. The reason for the move, the personality of the kids, the age of the kids, where you are moving....it goes on and on. There is no one answer to this. I moved a lot as a kid, when I was younger it was no big deal. When I was a teen it was horrible. I personally would do anything I could to avoid doing this to my own kids but I also realize some times you just have no choice (especially these days).
You're over-thinking. That's where the problems come in.
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Old 01-21-2009, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Denver area
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How is that "overthinking"? I speak from personal experience. There is no way to just say this works or that doesn't. It depends on many things. Overall my thoughts are, if you can avoid moving once a child is settled and well adjusted in school then that is best. If you can't help it, then you can't help it. I think it is much too simple to say things like "if the parents handle it well the kids will too" That may work when kids are young but there is a lot more to it when you are talking about uprooting teens...Not overthinking just being honest.
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Old 01-21-2009, 10:45 AM
 
3,422 posts, read 9,442,123 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
The reason for the move, the personality of the kids, the age of the kids, where you are moving.
I don't think this is overthinking either.

The last move we made my kids were 3, 4, and 7. Only the 7 year old had a lot of problems with it.

We will move at least two more times, probably more, while the kids (now there are 4 of them) are still under college age (husband is military).

I have found that if you can offer some continuity in their life, it helps. My oldest enjoys martial arts. That is a year-round activity that adapts well to having to take time off for moves, and picking back up. School is going to be different, kids are going to be different, the climate and culture could very likely be different, but an activity that they can continue at the new location helps.

How social your children are makes a big difference. Some kids take time to make friends and others fit right in.
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Old 01-21-2009, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Denver area
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^^^Exactly...I grew up in a military family. Moved many many times when I was young. Didn't usually bother me too much. That's just what we did...Once I was older, we had several tours in the same area so lived much of my teen years in one house. Then my dad got transferred far, far away right before my senior year in HS. So we moved. I was a pretty outgoing kid but ever try to make friends with peope at that age? In a totally different part of the country where the culture was waaay different. Not easy. That was the most miserable year of my life and no amount of upbeat parenting would have helped. I wouldn't do that to anyone. JMO
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Old 01-21-2009, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stormy night View Post
In a lot of cases, kids tend to fret because their parents fret. A big move shouldn't be talked about for months, it should be talked about for three or four weeks. When parents begin stressing and talking about a major move months in advance, kids pick up on it and think they should be worrying as well, then stress out. That's a long time for a kid to worry about something. If the move is stressful for the parents, it will be stressful for the kids. If the move is looked at as an adventure for the parents, it will be viewed more as an adventure for the kids.

As mobile as society is these days, friends can be kept across country with the aid of a computer and the internet, not to mention phones. People seldom stay put for long periods of time like they used to, so there is never a school that hasn't taken in a 'new kid' at some point during the year.
I agree with you on most of this, unfortunately,in many situations,especially today, sometimes the talk of the move cannot be avoided.
My husband & I spent almost 4 months apart while my husband went to work for his new company in a different state,I stayed behind with our children hoping our house would sell and end out a school year.
With their father being absent (he travels quite a bit,but being gone mon-friday for 4 months and returing every weekend is different!) it was an extremely stressful time in our lives.
The house not selling added to our anxiety (my husband & I).
Our home has still not sold however we eventually found a home in our new area and have since relocated.
We have move quite a bit and hope that this will be our long term home. One will never know though in today's environment.
We are trying to avoid talking about our frustrations with the housing market in front of our children,but it has added an entirely new "stress" to our lives....
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Old 01-21-2009, 12:29 PM
 
Location: CITY OF ANGELS AND CONSTANT DANGER
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i think it depends on what type of kids you have.
the younger kids fare better.
but so do the more outgoing, athletic kids.
they find ways to make friends.

at least that has been my experience.

if you notice a funk occuring, find ways to keep them busy in the local scene. dance classes, trips to the skate park, sports teams, etc.

it can be tough for teens. but some like the new identity they get to put on.

it all depends on what type of kids you have
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Old 01-21-2009, 03:04 PM
 
2,751 posts, read 4,712,380 times
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Originally Posted by jco View Post
I live in a high growth area, and I've worked with a lot of kids (all ages) who feel like they've lost their identity in their move. Some clam up and others start to rebel. Many are willing to make friends with whoever will sit with them at lunch. Overall, I know it's affected the schools' performance. Because there are so many personal and emotional distractions, kids aren't as academically interested. Has anyone experienced this or have the same concern?
Yeah, it's tricky, 'cause nothing effects two kids the same exact way. Maybe best to know your kids well and let that guide you. If you've got an extremely shy, introverted kid, chances are after relocation they may go deeper inside themselves and never come out...

As a kid I moved a lot. Counting... but just suffice it to say I went to three different second grades one of them out of state. I read another post that cautioned parents not to make a big thing about it, and I agree. With kids it is all about the presentation. Much like when a kid falls down and skins his knee; if you go rushing to his side screaming, "My God Johnny, are you ok?" I give odds the next thing you'll hear from Johnny is a long, self-pityingl, "BWAAAAA!" But if you walk over to him smiling, laughing, even add a tickle if he's stubborn, Johnny will soon be laughing harder than you.

I will say that one good thing, if you have a reasonably socially healthy kid, is there's a good shot that what will happen through repetitive moves is he will become such an old hand at handling unfamiliar circumstances, making new friends, acclimating to a new school and new teachers, that you could move him twice a year throughout his eighteen years of upbringing and it will not throw him at all. This was how it effected me, and when we finally did settle, just when I was ready for high school, it was if I had been running with ankle weights on all those years. The rest was easy.
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