U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-21-2007, 02:14 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
550 posts, read 2,541,006 times
Reputation: 524

Advertisements

We moved to Tucson, Arizona from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan for my grade 9 year. NOT a good idea. I did make some friends over the year but when we came back home all my friends had moved on to different high schools and had new friends.

My dad also took a sabbatical when I was in grade 3 to Ithaca, New York. That was easier. Making friends at that age was much easier. The only sad thing was they had a bike riding going away party for me and I didn't know how to ride a bike!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-23-2007, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Rocket City, U.S.A.
1,806 posts, read 4,993,535 times
Reputation: 843
We moved from the Hudson Valley to South Florida when I was just about to turn 12...and I still haven't recovered. Not a move for the better.

I have to say that my folks in no way considered the impact it would have or how different the environment would be. A bit naive. Not that my not wanting to move should really have kept us where we were, but there was no discussion or research prior to relocation.
They didn't think this would be a problem.
I went from rolling, wooded hills with plenty of healthy outdoor activity to flat sand, isolation and crime.

Not so much the move itself as the WHERE and HOW...

My daughter is only three, but ever since she has shown the ability to process thought I have discussed with her our intent as a family to move somewhere offering more in the way of natural beauty and outdoor activity - what we hope to offer her.
When we take vacations we scout out locations and she comes with us, sharing in the discovery, stomping around in the mountains and oohing old houses...and I ask her what she thinks of various areas so that she feels like she really is part of this move, that her opinion matters. The final decision is ours as the parents, but her ideas are important to us. We're still bonding as an adoptive family, so I take extra care with respect to this.

And I assure her that family will be able to visit us where-ever we move.

I want us to be somewhere else before she starts preschool because I am concerned that it will be harder for her to adjust once she starts making solid connections with other children, and she already has a few emotional issues I'd rather not add to.

Last edited by 33458; 05-23-2007 at 03:46 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2007, 04:28 PM
 
133 posts, read 564,613 times
Reputation: 94
I believe that from 5th grade onwards you have to be very careful. But, the worst would be to do it at the beginning or later of High School. I moved in 10th grade and had a difficult ime. My husband was moved in 8th grade and had an even harder time. But, he happened to get into a bad group of friends... Watch the choice of friends carefully. And be there for them A LOT for the first year. But, sometimes parents don't have a choice and you must do what you have to do and make the best of it. If your kids have a strong self esteme and you have taught them about friend choices, then I think they can handle it better! Be alert to behavior changes and give them lots of love!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2007, 05:17 PM
 
125 posts, read 423,700 times
Reputation: 136
I've decided to wait for the end of my son's 8th grad school year. The middle school years are hard enough, I figured at least he is not the only one who has to make a transition, he will be struggling for acceptance like every freshman in the school.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2007, 07:02 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 7,834,257 times
Reputation: 2214
I believe any time after Elementary school is going to be traumatic. It's hard enough to be an adolescent and teenager- but to heap added stress of leaving friends and having to fit in someplace new is just too much.

However, I think your idea to wait until the end of middle school is prudent- there will be a change of schools anyway and no matter where he is he will need to find his niche......
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2007, 05:49 PM
 
Location: in a house
5,835 posts, read 3,883,717 times
Reputation: 4890
My how things change in a kids world. One day he hates our guts for moving and swears his lifes mission will be to make our lives miserable and the next day my fourteen year old son meets a girl in one of his classes that is moving to Ma. like us, in fact to the town we used to live in and suddenly the skies open and he insisted he has to go to a certain high school where she is going, where we used to live in Ma. Wait five minutes, his mind may change again but at least he is requesting a school instead of talking about the one that he won't be going to here in Ca.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-27-2007, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 7,861,123 times
Reputation: 1811
We moved from Northern Virgina to So Dakota when I was in 9th grade, my brother in 10th and I have to say if you can avoid moving when your kids are in high school, you should.

By that time you have pretty much established yourself in a certain crowd ie; jock, rocker or whatever there are these days. Certain groups don't seem to like new people for some reason. If you're great at sports they either only like you because of that or they think you have a big ego and don't.

Myself, my credits got really screwed up because the curriculum was different. I never got to take geography or typing and I ended up taking earth science twice. I actually attended 4 different high schools. Luckily the principal in the last school was able to work with me and let me take a two hour a day computer course to count as both computers and typing so I was able to graduate because I had enough total credits. It came down to the wire though.

Junior High kids are just starting to find where they actually fit in, so moving might not be a good idea if they are easily influenced, they could get involved with the WRONG crowd.

I think I turned out ok though, so if it's a really awesome opportunity your kids may undertand and be willing to sacrifice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-28-2007, 07:16 AM
 
395 posts, read 1,316,987 times
Reputation: 360
As soon as possible after my husband gets approved for his disability income we are moving out of Florida. Our eldest child is a girl who is leaving for the army next month. The others are a sixteen year old boy and two more girls ages ten and twelve.

Our main reason for moving is because we desperately want to own our own home and home prices in Florida have gone up to the point where we would only be able to do that here if we qualified for a Habitat For Humanity Home. Yes we do have some family here and the sixteen year old boy does NOT want to move but in my opinion those are not good enough reasons to stay. We have told him that if he can find an acceptable relative who is willing to let him stay he can but if not then he will simply have to adjust. Both my husband and I believe that in the long run a move will be the best possible thing for all the children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2007, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Dallas(Lake Highlands)
126 posts, read 406,874 times
Reputation: 80
My father's job required us to move a lot - 45 moves by the time I was 18; most of them before 1st grade. (I only moved 14 times after I started school.) I know something about having to adjust to new environments.

Research the area you're moving to and talk about what you're looking forward to in the new community; ALWAYS talk about the new city in positive terms.
  • Our first Saturday in a new town was playing the "Getting Lost" game. We'd drive for a couple hours without a map just to learn the road layouts and discover local landmarks It's the fastest way to learn to feel "at home" and not feel like a stranger. When you're talking to locals about local landmarks you will know what they're talking about. To this day, I still do this each time I move.
  • Saturday Adventure Trips - my parents would take us to every museum, every historical tour, sometimes just drive around checking out local architecture. There are beautiful parks, neighborhoods, local nature preserves everywhere.
  • Become a fan of the local sports teams. Some of the best baseball I've ever seen was a women's softball league in Kansas City.
  • Whatever organized activity they are currently involved in (sports, scouts, cheerleading, etc) find a local group and enroll them within the first 2 weeks of the move.
I've lived in new startup towns like Truth-or-Consequences, NM to large established cities like Kansas City and New Orleans. Trust me, there is ALWAYS something of local interest to check out.

As for adjusting to new schools, whatever the age, starting in a new school is always the same. I had a routine for assimilating into each school.
  • Every school I went to would hand out a class roster as part of the welcome package. I would memorize it the first night and then put faces to names when they were called in class
  • Sign up for every club that you can
  • Never eat alone at lunch. If I hadn't made a friend in class the first day before lunch I would walk up to a group and ask if I could join them
  • Never take it personally if they say no. Just smile, nod and say "Okay". (This leaves the door open to making friends with them later in some other activity.)
  • Make the first move in introducing yourself and explain you've just moved here from (insert city). Talking about where you're from is always an ice breaker. This leads to talking about activities and finding kindred spirits.
  • View the move as an adventure and find something good about it

Kids feel left out and forgotten during a move. Give your children tasks they are responsible for in the pre-move, during the move and helping to settle into the new home.
If they're old enough -
  • They can help research the move route as a family event. Buy a US map, have the kids research routes on MapQuest and spend evenings tracing it on the map
  • They can help research finding gas stations, motels to stay in along the way; anything to let them know they are not left out of the move.
  • Before moving, have them create 4 Saturday Adventure Trips for the first month in the new home and then do them
  • If you know ahead of time the neighborhood you'll be living in (we never did and it was pre-web anyway!), help them research the school and look up pictures of it

During the move even little things are helpful. When I was little, I was responsible for keeping the cats quiet in the car (ever try to keep a scared Siamese quiet for hours in a car; not recommended). At age four, I was the expert at folding the map back up when they tried to figure out how they missed the highway exit.

Fear of moving is fear of the unknown. Don't let your kids get in the habit of whining about the move and thinking of it as something to dread. If this is allowed to become a mindset, they will stay miserable in the new home and never learn to appreciate the Now. Make it a game for everyone in the family to be required to express something positive to look forward in the move each time an expression of fear of the unknown is made - better/different weather, etc (something, anything).

Just keep reminding them this is part of the adventure of life and they get out of it what they put into it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-29-2007, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, CA
22 posts, read 70,791 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by vseale View Post
Fear of moving is fear of the unknown. Don't let your kids get in the habit of whining about the move and thinking of it as something to dread. If this is allowed to become a mindset, they will stay miserable in the new home and never learn to appreciate the Now. Make it a game for everyone in the family to be required to express something positive to look forward in the move each time an expression of fear of the unknown is made - better/different weather, etc (something, anything).

Just keep reminding them this is part of the adventure of life and they get out of it what they put into it.
Wow, vseale, you are so right! Your entire post was full of such great ideas and advice! We are considering a move with 4 kids within the next 1 - 2 years and I will definitely keep a printout of this information. I really like your feelings about the mindset really making a difference in the experience.
Thanks again!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top