Odd Teacher-Student Exchange (bullying, parents, activities, playing)

[misstucson]

Our child has been feeling isolated in middle school. We mentioned it to the teacher and got a lukewarm reception. Apparently the teacher pulled our child aside today and asked “Is having few friends a big deal to you?” Our child said no and was dismissed. The exchange made both our child and us uncomfortable (for different reasons). Was the teacher gathering information or sending a message?

[aidxen]

They were definately gathering information for the CIA and the FBI.

[Marissy]

Originally Posted by misstucson

Our child has been feeling isolated in middle school. We mentioned it to the teacher and got a lukewarm reception. Apparently the teacher pulled our child aside today and asked “Is having few friends a big deal to you?” Our child said no and was dismissed. The exchange made both our child and us uncomfortable (for different reasons). Was the teacher gathering information or sending a message?

I dunno what to think.

It seems as if the teacher is seeing if the cause of the isolation is having a small amount of friends, which is bull. There could be tons of reasons for feeling isolating, and having a certain # of friends isn't a panacea. I don't know if the teacher was being sincere in her question or not (with such few info. How did she seem? Mad? Bored?) Maybe if you include the kid in an afterschool activity like sports or playing an instrument, he or she won't feel so isolated.

[golfgal]

Mentioning it to the teacher is fine but typically issues like this should be brought up with the school counselor. They are the ones trained to deal with these types of things. Some kids ARE fine only have a friend or two so I do understand the question. Often parents are more worried about that than the kids so that may be why the teacher asked that question then dropped it.

[Sandhillian]

I would say it was poorly handled by the teacher. What child is going to say "yes" when it is put like that? Talking to the counselor might help. Probably they would recommend a social skills class at the school which would be mainly attended by kids with emotional disabilities. You might do better going to a private counselor if you think it is necessary. A good teacher could try to include your child more in ways to encourage interaction with other students and maybe the school counselor could faciliate that.

[misstucson]

We brought it up with the teacher first because that is school policy. It is when the teacher found that we had gone on to the counselor that the exchange happened. We don't know how the question was delivered but the only other thing that was said was "Your parents asked for a meeting with me and the counselor." and "You may go back to the playground."

The counselor sent us an afterschool suggestion and made it clear that the matter was closed. Our child is involved in afterschool activities out of school but the isolation is during the school day, especially "free-time". We only have one child and this is the first time our child has expressed isolation. We approached the school for suggestions after trying some things. But that seems to have not worked or even backfired. We know we can't live our child's life and be a constant source of protection, but we would at least like to provide some tools. Feeling isolated may be a passing discomfort or may become a pattern.

Thanks for your kind input. We're feeling kind of, well, isolated on this topic.

[FarNorthDallas]

Here's my guess - the teacher doesn't think it is an issue and doesn't think it is an issue for your child, but she was making the obligatory question to your child because someone told her to do it. She may think the parents are worrying over nothing.

[renovating]

Hey it could be worse...she could have made him walk around with pig tails all day or made him wear a tutu and tiara in the school play!

[misstucson]

We seriously thought about it from that angle - at least it's not bullying.... And I think FND may have hit the nail on the head. We don't want to be alarmist but we don't want to be dismissive. Our child has mentioned the feeling of isolation several times this school year (and hasn't done so in the past).

[Sandhillian]

Do the after school activities involve kids from his class? Middle school is a really hard age and the last thing you want is for your child to feel isolated at a time when some kids turn to drugs etc. Ask your child if they want to invite someone from school to go to a movie or other fun activity. Treating other kids to a fun event might be a way to get the ball rolling. If you are religious say prayers for a good friend. I have always heard that a child only really needs one good friend to get by so see what you can do to help that along. Good luck!