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Old 05-06-2007, 03:37 PM
Location: FL
1,943 posts, read 7,627,049 times
Reputation: 2236


One night, about 2 months ago, my family and I went out to dinner. My son is 11, so we had let him go to the bathroom by himself. HAD let him. Anyway, that night at dinner he went to the bathroom. When he came back, he let me know something. When he went to the bathroom there was an older guy getting ready to use the urinal. My son went into the stall and quickly used the bathroom. When he came out, the older guy was still at the urinal, and my son went to the sink to wash his hands. Another guy came in, looked at my son, and went to the urinal. He looked at the older guy in the urinal next to him, and asked him "...is that your son?", referring to my son. The older guy said no. Then this guy turns to my son (mind you, this guy is at the urinal), and says to my son "you're a fine young man." My son said thank you and then left.

The second he told me this, I write away am thinking "pervert" and "pedophile", and had my husband walk my son around the restuarant to find this man, to no avail. Even my husband admitted it is strange for a man to say something to a strange child, when everyone knows that children should have been warned by their parents to not talk to strangers, plus, why talk to my kid while you're urinating!

I think that if that older man had not been in there...that something could have happened. i don't let my 11 year old son go to the bathroom anymore; I make my husband take him. One of my friends said that it's ridiculous. I don't think so. I have read too many horrible stories in the news...

Am I doing the right thing? What do you think is the reason this strange man woul dhave called my son a fine young lad?
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Old 05-06-2007, 03:48 PM
Location: Deep In The Heat Of Texas
2,639 posts, read 2,306,129 times
Reputation: 700
I don't blame you at all; I'd do the same thing. If your husband is ever not with you, stand outside of the men's bathroom door while your son is in there and tell him beforehand to yell like crazy even if he thinks anything is weird. It's better to be safe than sorry.

This world is so very crazy and I'd rather be overly safe than take any chance with a child getting hurt.
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Old 05-06-2007, 04:20 PM
Location: Marion, IN
8,191 posts, read 27,459,376 times
Reputation: 7078
Maybe he was commenting on the fact that your son was washing his hands even when you were not looking.

I realize the world is not a nice place these days, but not everyone is out to do harm. A little caution never hurts.
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Old 05-06-2007, 05:17 PM
Location: Missouri
6,044 posts, read 21,128,367 times
Reputation: 5033
I think there could be a million reasons and most of them are innocent. However your son should be praised for realizing right away, it was an odd thing for a person to say.
Your son is 11 years old and I think that is old enough to use a public restroom by himself. He's old enough where he'll be going places with friends, class trips, etc. without your husband and he's bound to have to use the bathroom by himself anyway. Now is when everything you've taught him all these years (don't talk to strangers, never leave with a stranger, be aware of surroundings, etc.) will come into play.
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Old 05-06-2007, 08:13 PM
2,833 posts, read 9,603,614 times
Reputation: 1651
It probably was innocent, but isn't it a dang shame that a comment like this can make both an 11 yr old and his parents so wary that danger might have been present?
I would have definitely been concerned. I have never really asked my hubby what he did with the girls when he was out with them alone as far as the bathroom. I would have hated to send my son in the mens room by himself, but I don't have a son.
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Old 05-06-2007, 09:06 PM
Location: Twin Cities
3,570 posts, read 7,776,403 times
Reputation: 5973
It is not ridiculous at all! You're the mom, not your friend. People like that friend get me riled up. If it was their child and that had happened to them, what would that friend do?

While your son is 11, he is still a child. I totally agree that your husband should go with him into the bathroom. Make sure your son knows you trust him. This world has too many wackos out there to be safe.

When you're in a mall I would suggest you find a nice department store to take the kids to when using the bathrooms. We always go to Nordstrom as they're nicer and a bit safer than within the mall (but still be on your guard).

When we lived in Vancouver, Washington there was a story in the news right before we moved. A woman was using the family bathroom and had her 6 month old child with her. A guy who had just gotten out of prison raped her in the bathroom while she was holding her baby (trying to keep her safe). The man was caught, found guilty and sent back to prison. It happens everywhere you and you can't be too safe. If anyone tells you you're being overprotective...they're out of line. You can never protect your kids too much.

Case in point. There was an attempted abduction at an 8 year old girls (my daughter's age) bus stop last week. She had bruises but was able to get away. They caught the guy. Again, you really have to think about where your kids are and what could potentially happen to them.

No we should not freak out, but God has given us wisdom and a gut feeling. Go with that gut feeling no matter what anyone says. If anything ever happened to your child, YOU would be the one that has to live with it...not those who pass out advice like "you worry too much," or "you over react way too much! Lighten up or you're going to smother the child." Children want to know their parents are going to be there to protect them...no matter what the age.

Even at 40 I still like to know my parents are concerned about me when things are rough. Heck, they are the first ones I turn to after my wife.
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Old 05-06-2007, 09:09 PM
Location: Long Beach, CA
2,072 posts, read 10,868,678 times
Reputation: 1718
It sounds innocent, but I remember when my boys were a certain age, I was terrified to let them in a bathroom alone.
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Old 05-06-2007, 09:30 PM
Location: Where the real happy cows reside!
4,281 posts, read 9,277,556 times
Reputation: 10414
It sounds like you have a raised a smart and bright boy.

It's sad when we can't even feel safe letting our children go to a public restroom. Even at the age of 11, if my child went to the restroom I would be right outside the door.

Maybe the older man was harmless, but you can never be too careful.

We talk to our child all the time about being safe, not talking to stangers etc. We even have a code word.
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Old 05-06-2007, 11:00 PM
Location: City of the damned, Wash
428 posts, read 2,217,442 times
Reputation: 255
I don't think it was so innocent. There is a "code of restroom conduct" for men, meaning there are certain things that ARE NOT done in there, one of them being talking to another man in the restroom. The other being not talking to boys that aren't theirs. He did both.
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Old 05-07-2007, 12:35 AM
464 posts, read 686,010 times
Reputation: 143
I agree with Hoosier. Your just can't be to careful, when my boys were younger I would stand right outside the restroom door and did tell them to yell if they needed me. I have been accused of being a paranoid MOM, because I don't know if I could take something happening to one of my children and then second guessing myself "if I had only". As a parent it is your job to protect your children and you have to use your best judgement not your friends.
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