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Old 10-07-2009, 04:24 PM
549 posts, read 1,185,189 times
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Originally Posted by jfkIII View Post
In the LV forum....ask Sierramadre44.
LOL... thanks for the shout out!
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Karci186 View Post
Since nobody in person would ever admit this, I thought I would ask online anonymously.

I'm an young adult thinking about having kids one day, however the people that I talk to in person tell me how great their kids are, and that their babies are gifts. Which I completely understand becuz their babies, and I do likes my friends babies, but I'm not with them 24/7.

That said, on the other side, I know a few people who can't wait to get rid of their kids. Comments likes, I can't wait until they turn 18. So, I have to think, if you thinks kids are gifts, why do you want them to leave so soon?

That said, do you regret having kids?
Somedays, yes, you regret having kids. Not because of the kids themselves (most of the time), but because of the preception of the rest of the whacky world we live in. Other days you know your world, your life wouldn't be the same without them.

When you say "young adult", how old are you? I didn't marry until my party days were over at the ripe 'old' age of 24. I had my first child 2 days after turning 26, 2nd one at 31 and my youngest at 36. It seemed there for a while just as I got one in kindergarten we started the diaper routine again. I decided no more children after the last because 1) I didn't want anymore & 2) too many risk factors for children after age 35.

Uh, just because a child is 18 doesn't mean they are not your child anymore. Ask your parents! Being 18 only means that a young adult is LEGALLY responsible for their choices. Most 18yos cannot move out because they don't have the education or experience to land a decent job to support themselves. Nope, having children means your stuck with a family for the rest of your life (most of the time).

Children can be a lot of fun. I love going to the zoo, the amusement parks, ball games, scouts, camping, to the beach, etc with them and watching them experiencing new adventures. Some of the things kids say will keep you laughing for hours, maybe even years! Of course it is a lot of work, but as I remind my children often, anything worth having is worth the work and the wait.
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:45 PM
Location: Gettysburg, PA
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Here's my take on it. I would never have children (nor do I want any) for a variety of reasons: they're too expensive (I like spending money on myself too much, and would not like the responsibility and worry of having someone else to depend on me for finances); the responsibility is too much; they're noisy (I love peaceful evenings/nights at home); I like staying up at night too, and if I have children, I'd most likely have to be up during the day;I don't have any nurturing instincts--never cared for babies or little kids, I wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do with them; I enjoy my freedom too much--if I wanted to take some time off work and head out east to visit some civil war sights I've been dying to see, I want to be able to do that in a heartbeat; that's pretty much all I can think of at the moment, but I'm sure there might be a few things I've left out.

Now, the downside is: when I'm older, I'm not going to have anyone there for me; maybe friends perhaps, or older sister/brother. But that's the only real disadvantage I see to all this (now, as someone mentioned before, their kids are all wrapped up in their own lives and don't visit too often; can you imagine if I sacrificed all of what I've said before just to have someone there for me when I'm older, and I don't even get that???? That would just be too much for me--I don't want to risk it). So, there's disadvantages and advantages to it all. I would suggest you sit down and write a list of all the reasons why you'd want to have kids, and all the reasons you don't. That might clear up some things for you.

I must say though--I do have the deepest respect for parents that take the time to raise their children. They are incredible people who make huge sacrifices and their children are damn lucky to have them.

Originally Posted by las vegas drunk View Post
It was quite different in my household. My mother was always my best friend. When my father died in 1999, my mom and I really bonded. We would actually go out to the nightclubs all the time and party. People actually thought she was my girlfriend LOL. She always said I was the daughter she never had. Sadly, she has passed away now too, and I am truly all alone.
I am so terribly sorry for you; this reminds me of my own relationship with my mother. She's my best friend. We now live many miles apart because of my fiance's job, but I call her like at least once a week, and I feel like I can talk to her about anything. In fact she's the only one that I can talk to if I'm having a bad day and I just need someone to talk to. When she dies, I'm going to feel so alone.
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Tanque Verde View Post
I think kids are great, especially after they hit 7 or 8 years old. They make for great little slaves so to speak. You know things like washing dishes, taking out the trash and heck by the time their ten or 11 years old their good for mowing the lawn, pulling weeds & all sorts of good stuff. And yes, girls can mow lawns just as good as the boys can.

Keep em busy and engaged, they'll grow up to be adult sons and daughters you can be proud of.
Ignore them and you'll spend way to much time down at juvenile hall making excuses for their bad behavior.

The choice is yours.
LOL... great little slaves! Cute. My mom & dad used to say... that's what I had you for! LOL

Seriously, the things you mention are just methods of teaching children how to be independent. Yup, I washed the dishes, took out the trash, mowed the lawn, grew a garden, harvested the veggies, cooked dinner, & plowed down a fence on my grandfathers tractor. My dad was a little upset that the next weekend he and my grandfather had to put the fence back up! LOL My sister and I chased butterflies.

I'm probably not the best daughter ever, but I certainly try to be respectful to my elders and 'keep my nose clean' as my dad used to say. My parents weren't as involved as I am with my kids nor as anal retentive as I am about education, but they were there when they could be. Since I'm a single mom I have to fill the space of 2 parents. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. Gosh, I guess I'm just human.
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:56 PM
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Originally Posted by mommymelissa4 View Post
I constantly fear for my children's safety, happiness, health, and overall well-being.
Right there with you MommyMelissa4!
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Old 10-07-2009, 05:37 PM
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Originally Posted by tazz View Post
My sister who chose not to abort at age 32 regrets having her son. He is now 25, refused to graduate from high school and can't get a decent job, sits around drinking beer and playing video games when he is home from his 20 hr a week warehouse job. She is afraid that he will become homeless so she helps him with his rent.

As a teen he crashed 2 cars and hung around with kids who kept getting arrested for vandalism. How he avoided it we'll never know. He also has been known to steal from her. All of her good jewelry is gone and he "has no idea" what happened to it.
Um, yeah, sounds like a need for some tough love.

My sister and I are quite opposite too in respect to our kids. She has a now 22yo while he did graduate HS sits in his room all day and plays video games. He did 1 semester in college and quit. He never has had much get up and go about him. I keep asking when he's going to get a job. Her answer, "I don't know."

Her 2nd child quit HS in his junior year, but she says he's now going to HS online at least to get his diploma. I asked her, "When does he start?" Her answer, "I don't know."

The younger child will graduate HS this year and is the best of the 3. She works when she needs extra money and keeps her grades up. I ask my sister, "How is she doing in school?" Her answer, "I don't know."

In contrast, my 19yo is in college in another city, living in the dorms for the 'college experience' studying speech pathology. She has her own car and is a supervisor for children's after school program. She struggles a bit with making top grades because she is somewhat of a social butterfly. But, at least, she is being productive.

My 14yo is a freshman in HS... loves school. If she's late for any engagement she gets VERY upset. She HAS to be on time (I don't think she got that from me ) especially for school. I 'made her' join a club at school so she could learn to be more interactive with groups of people and learn to be more assertive. Interestingly enough, she is enjoying the contact with good kids as she has an interest in community. She's bringing home excellent grades and has set her mind to keeping A/B's because she wants a scholarship to college.

My almost 9yo is a trooper. He will do almost anything I ask him the first time without complaint. He loves to work on projects, but he also LOVES video games. I have to keep an eye on him about that. He says he wants to be a game programmer when he grows up. He could. He's a whip at math (again, I don't think he got that from me!). He makes excellent grades, but right now is struggling with spelling. We're working on it.

My older daughter crossed my path when she turned 18 and got a tatoo. Not a large one and it can't be easily seen. But, I told her she could only get a tatoo when she was 18, did not live at home, and was not my daughter. She hid it for at least a month from me. When I did find out, she was told to leave my house. Of course I was upset and yes I have since calmed down.

Point was, I make the rules in my house. I tell you the consequences. If you choose to break those rules, there will be consequences. I had to follow through or my 2 younger children would see that they could take advantage of me. Giving them clear consequences will deter them from making mistakes that might cost them dearly - more than getting 'kicked out' temporarily. It's called tough love.
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Old 10-07-2009, 05:38 PM
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LV Drunk, you must have had an amazing relationship with your mom. I wrote previously about how my grown kids are now and I have no doubt, if I were to ever try suicide, they would be embarrassed of me and tell me to get it together. I taught them to be successful and strong. My son is the marketing director of a Fortune 500 company and lives in a 3 level home with a pool on a lake and spends most of his time traveling between Camelback in Phoenix or Naples. My daughter is the same with a 3 level home on a golf coarse that cars stop and admire, her own successful business and both have traveled thru Europe and ski at all the in places. I can generally count on seeing them during the major holidays if the other inlaws have not taken precedence. I do not depend on them in anyway, never would and look forward very much to relocating where I can develop more of a life and friend structure.
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Old 10-07-2009, 05:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Plain Jane 3953 View Post
Yes, I regret having children. I envy people without them.
Mommy is that you? Why don't you love me anymore....
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Old 10-07-2009, 07:54 PM
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I'm always curious as to why people who are set on having kids (not you OP, others on this thread) hang around a parenting board, there seem to be a lot of them on this board.

Anyway, I never regret having our kids, not for a second, I can't imagine my life without them, its a whole other dimension really.
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Old 10-07-2009, 08:01 PM
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Do I regret having children? No. Not even on my worst day.
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