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I am 26 years old and have a 9 and 8 year old. Yes, if you do the math, I was 17 and 18 years old. I have noticed lately more and more people seem to give me a judging "look" when they see me with my children, and I have been getting more comments such as "How OLD were you?", or "Man, what is the deal with all you young girls laying around popping out babies everywhere?".
Perhaps it is because I often am mistaken for being 18 or 19 years old, as I do look very young, but I was wondering if anybody else gets comments such as these? Both of my children have the same father, we were together for 8 years and were at one time married. I know a lot of people say that young girls are irresponsible and stupid, but what about being human? We all make mistakes and sometimes there are harsh consequences because of them. Did I make a mistake by having kids at a young age? Maybe, but I now have two beautiful human beings that are well adjusted and well taken care of, and I would not have it any other way. I was just wondering if I could get some opinions on why people seem to be so judgemental when it is really none of their business, or is it just the people around here in the area that I live?
oh don't worry about those people who say "how old were you"
tell them how old and then say something like and can you believe they survived this long
all it means is you will get to enjoy your grandchildren at a better time in your life than most
I had my first two children when I was 21 and 23. I too had people looking at me funny. The thing I found most hard when my children were young was finding adult couples my own age who had children. When we put them into preschool we thought finally we will meet some other parents we have something in common with (all of our friends were single and still partying.)WRONG....all the parents at the preschool were in their forties at least (late in life babies) and we had absolutely nothing in common with them. We chose to have our children young so we could enjoy ourselves once they were grown.... boy did we screw that up. We now have a two year old, 11 year old and 10 year old. Now I will be the older mom at the preschool. Ha Ha
I had my first two children when I was 21 and 23. I too had people looking at me funny. The thing I found most hard when my children were young was finding adult couples my own age who had children. When we put them into preschool we thought finally we will meet some other parents we have something in common with (all of our friends were single and still partying.)WRONG....all the parents at the preschool were in their forties at least (late in life babies) and we had absolutely nothing in common with them. We chose to have our children young so we could enjoy ourselves once they were grown.... boy did we screw that up. We now have a two year old, 11 year old and 10 year old. Now I will be the older mom at the preschool. Ha Ha
You guys are making me feel so much better! I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party, and I know I'm not the only person in the world to have kids so young, but sometimes it still gets to me. I COMPLETELY understand about not having anything in common with other preschool moms. It started pre-k and I still get it, and they're in 1st and 3rd grades now! I am probably the youngest mom by about 10 years or so. And so many people my age are going out at night, spending hundreds of dollars on clothes like it's nothing, taking long road trips, and they just don't understand that I CAN'T go too. I know it's all worth it, though!
Thanks for letting me vent, guys. Happy Mother's Day to everybody!
Its amazing to read that people still hold such backward ignorant views of young parents...
Parenting skills are not gained by delaying the having of children...
You can't learn to parent by travel, tertiary education or socialising.
YOU LEARN IT ON THE JOB!!!!
I know plenty of young capable parents who are constantly judged and discriminated against purely on the basis of their age, often by people who don't come close to being half the parents they are.
Young people find it easier to incorporate the lifestyle change that parenting requires much quicker then older parents who are often stuck in their ways.
Older parents generally have been used to having things their way for a long long time and don’t like to compromise just because they are now parents..
You can see this in action at your local park.
Young parents are often engaged with their children and looking out for them.
Older parents are too busy gossiping to each other that they don't even notice that their child has decided to wander away from the park or has started bashing another child over the head with something..
Saying that a person cannot be a capable parent just because of their age is the same as saying that a person of a different colour skin to ours cannot be as capable at a certain task then we can be... Its plain discrimination any way you look at it....
I salute all you young parents for doing such a good job..
Just because the people who so blindly criticise you may have lacked the maturity and dedication to be parents at your age doesn’t mean that you do!!
Keep up the amazing work.
I'm a relatively young mom (I had my daughter when I was 21, and my son when I was 24). Imagine my utter disbelief when I was carded at age 35; I told the clerk, "I have a 14-year-old daughter!" Wow. I'm also 5 feet tall, and look younger. For years I hated it. Now that I'm 43...
It really isn't anyone else's business, especially if it's easy to tell that your children are normal and well-adjusted. If you consider the question rude, just give them a blank stare and a vacant smile in return. They'll end up stammering and stuttering all over the place, realizing that they asked an inappropriate question!
I had my son at 21 and I too remember "the look." I also felt like a baby at his day care, preschool and school events compared to many of the other parents.
But he is now 14 and at 36, I'm counting down the days to my second childhood! He'll graduate high school when I'm 40.
In some ways I feel like he and I almost grew up together. I completed my BA when he was 4, we lived hand to mouth for a little while- but we don't suffer the generation gap too badly........ I relate well to him and his friends and we have shared a lot of "firsts" together. Since I didn't get to travel and jet set prior to having him, I've dragged him around the world with me-
I never needed public assistance, I've always taken care of him and wouldn't change a thing about how or when he came into the world.
\If you consider the question rude, just give them a blank stare and a vacant smile in return. They'll end up stammering and stuttering all over the place, realizing that they asked an inappropriate question!
After this thread was started, I had a bit of courage to experiment. My family is moving to NJ from NY and so I took my 4 y.o. daughter to the neighborhood playground so she could make some friends. The grandma of a little girl my daughter befriended asked me if I had any other kids, so I told her that my son would be attending the high school nearby. She then asked how old my son was, and I told her he's 15. Man, the look on her face was priceless, but she wasn't rude. She told me I looked really young, and I just smiled and said, "Yeah, I do."
I think this worked out just fine. People can try to do the math in their head and think whatever. If I had told this lady that I was 15 when I had my son, the conversation would have twisted a different way and she probably would have a different opinion of me. The important thing is that I am am raising my kids the best that I can, but if people must gossip, I'd rather not contribute to it by having them know more than they need to.
Sometimes, as mothers, our children are conceived when we least plan or expect it.....there are young mothers and older mothers and mothers in between. Maybe some mothers may look back and wished they had done things differntly, maybe everything wasn't "planned to a T".....but, our children are blessings from God, no matter when they were conceived. And most of us now, wouldn't trade the world for our precious children.
I just thought I'd share w/ you guys something a little more personal regading this issue. When I was one month shy of 19, I found myself faced w/ and unplanned pregnancy. I was scared (actually petrified) and overwhelmed and desperate. I was in college and felt like my entire life would be ruined. I loved the baby's father and when he first suggested abortion, I was appaluled.....how could we destroy our own child??
After talking w/ some girlfriends (one who had had an abortion a year previously), I felt like there was no way out of my situation....I had no choice. So I went through with most horrible, devastating and agonizing experience of my life which left me completely empty.
Now, even over 20 years later, and (thanks be to God) three children later (I later married another man, my current husband), I still regret not giving my child life. If I had it to do all over again, I would have done which each of you have done....be a young mom.
So, I'm here to tell you from experience.... another "choice" would have been the wrong choice. Death is always the wrong choice. I commend all of you for giving your children life.
I've been through a lot of healing and
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