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Old 11-01-2009, 01:56 PM
 
Location: California
25,485 posts, read 16,796,497 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kek1993 View Post
my daughter was the same way, and that is okay. She is introverted, and not social. She has acquiantances that she talks to at school, eats lunch by herself usually in the school library, sometimes with friends. She is very quiet, and not outgoing. I decided to accept her for who she is, and did not pressure her regarding her lack of friends. I did suggest that she join some clubs at school, and talked with the school counselor on classes that would encourage more socialization, without my daughter's knowledge, the school counselor did suggest two classes, drama and ROTC. Both of those classes had more extra cirricular activities, and I switched her to those classes, she did have more outside activities. I also spent time with her, taking her to red cross classes to do volunteer work, which my daughter enjoyed very much. There is a league, national charity league, that is for teenagers and moms to do volunteer work together with other teenage girls and moms, and my daughter met some girls there as well.

I would not worry about it, unless your daughter is very unhappy. If she is unhappy, than talk to the school counselor about it, and maybe that person will have some suggestions.
I can second the recommendation on Drama classes! Even if you aren't a star you can work on productions, build scenery, do lights and sound, etc. and EVERYONE is part of the group. It's been my experience that drama kids are more individualistic than most and less likely to be cliquey. Band is also an option.
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Old 07-10-2011, 09:22 AM
 
4 posts, read 6,692 times
Reputation: 10
The message i'm replying to is an old one butsounds alot like the problem i'm having with my 12 yrear old daughter. I'm really worried about her. She has tried for years to make friends and to have a (best friend). No luck. Every times she gets close to someone they end up hurting her. This has happened about 5 times now and every time she sits and crys and says why doesn't anyone like me? I've done everything i know to do. She's starting middle school in a couple of weeks. I'm really worried about this. Please help. Shannons mom.
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Old 07-10-2011, 10:50 AM
 
10,100 posts, read 7,540,383 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shannonsmom View Post
The message i'm replying to is an old one but sounds alot like the problem i'm having with my 12 year old daughter. I'm really worried about her. She has tried for years to make friends and to have a (best friend). No luck. Every times she gets close to someone they end up hurting her. This has happened about 5 times now and every time she sits and cries and says why doesn't anyone like me? I've done everything i know to do. She's starting middle school in a couple of weeks. I'm really worried about this. Please help. Shannons mom.
Did she have friends as a preschooler and/or young elementary schooler? Is this a new problem or one she has always had?

Middle school is difficult and girls can be very catty at this age.

If, however, this has been an ongoing problem, you need to look at her social skills to see if there is something going on. Does she get how the social dance is done? If not, perhaps some social skills classes would help. If she seems severely impaired, you may want to consider an evaluation by a psychologist to see if she needs help.
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Old 07-10-2011, 11:12 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 35,357,086 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shannonsmom View Post
The message i'm replying to is an old one butsounds alot like the problem i'm having with my 12 yrear old daughter. I'm really worried about her. She has tried for years to make friends and to have a (best friend). No luck. Every times she gets close to someone they end up hurting her. This has happened about 5 times now and every time she sits and crys and says why doesn't anyone like me? I've done everything i know to do. She's starting middle school in a couple of weeks. I'm really worried about this. Please help. Shannons mom.
Does Shannon have siblings? Does she have cousins she has as friends?

I would get her into clubs apart from school. Does she like horses? Get her into 4-H, or riding lessons, or does she like to sing - a church choir, or like others suggesting - drama clubs.

Don't let everything involve school where she's not fitting in, but get her into other kinds of groups and activities where she stands a chance of fitting in. Something she likes and that might not necessarily require a close pal to start. A lot of girls love horses and their friendship and bond with the horse gets them confidence and skills.
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Old 07-10-2011, 08:59 PM
 
3,415 posts, read 4,545,768 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sjd33 View Post
My daughter is 13 and particiaptes in sports for the township as well as the school. she has many friends at school but noone ever calls her to hang out nor does she call them to hang out. She sits at home and tells me how much of a dork and loser she is b/c no one likes her. I told her to post on her myspace page 'hey what's everyone doing? anyone wanna hang" no one answered. I assume that made her feel worse than ever. she is upset that everyone has a group they are going trick or treating with and no one asked her to go. I told her to ask if they would mind her going but she wont do it. She feels left out. I am not sure why the other kids don't like her or dont want to hang out with her. She is nice, funny, smart, athletic, and caring I just don't get it. How can I help her make friends?
How long has this been going on?
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Old 07-10-2011, 09:40 PM
 
Location: Barrington, IL area
1,593 posts, read 1,482,462 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shannonsmom View Post
Every times she gets close to someone they end up hurting her.
All the more reason to not make friends.
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Old 07-10-2011, 10:42 PM
 
4 posts, read 6,692 times
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She has had friends off and on but none that ever last. She is always looking for a best friend that never comes. It's been going on pretty much since she started school. There are ongoing problems at home that don't help. She has a 19 year old brother at home that threatens suicide all the time. He had proplems making friends in school to and was bulliedd alot. Ihoped and prayed it would be better for my daughter but it hasn't.
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Old 07-10-2011, 10:47 PM
 
4 posts, read 6,692 times
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Thank you all for your suggestions. I've been dealing with this for years by myself and felt like noone cared. Just to have someone to talk to about it really helps.
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Old 07-10-2011, 11:50 PM
 
3,415 posts, read 4,545,768 times
Reputation: 1345
Quote:
Originally Posted by shannonsmom View Post
She has had friends off and on but none that ever last. She is always looking for a best friend that never comes. It's been going on pretty much since she started school. There are ongoing problems at home that don't help. She has a 19 year old brother at home that threatens suicide all the time. He had proplems making friends in school to and was bulliedd alot. Ihoped and prayed it would be better for my daughter but it hasn't.
It sounds like they can both use some therapy. Is your son bi-polar? If so, your daughter may be manic-depressive too. They may also have some anxiety disorders. Really hard to make friends from that emotional make-up. Kids will tend to steer clear. They sense something is wrong or off.
It really stings the the depressed or anxious child who does not know what they are doing to bring it on themselves or how to change it.
They have medication that can make all the difference in the world and change their lives for the better.
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Old 07-11-2011, 04:16 PM
 
10,100 posts, read 7,540,383 times
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I feel bad for your dd. I suggest finding a councilor she can talk to about her problems. I would also suggest some outside activities and classes. Kids find friends much more easily if they are doing something together that they enjoy. What does she like? If she loves art, try some art classes. If she loves to dance, dance classes might be just the thing. If she likes animals, maybe she can volunteer at a pet shelter. If she is a reader, perhaps she can join a book club.
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