Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The thing that really stands out to me here is how much you seem to want your child out of your house. I find that sad. It just seems like you don't even like your own child. Hopefully that's way off base, but it's just a nagging feeling I get from reading your posts.
In my experience, turning 18 no more makes you an adult than turning 65 makes you in need of retiring the next day. Some 18 yr olds are ready to be fully independent and some are not. Your son has epilepsy and is not yet ready to be a self supporting, responsible adult. It's that simple. Instead of trying to give up your responsibility as a parent when he's not ready, I'd think you'd want to work together to finish that stage of parenting and help him gain adult status and independence.
Realistically, he's got a condition that needs to be monitored and adjusted periodically and at this time in his life he still needs a responsible adult to oversee that. Perhaps his doctor can step in to help guide him on life skills needed to live a normal life with epilepsy and be more effective regarding this than you or your wife have been so far?
The most disturbing part of your post to me is your threat to cancel his insurance. It seems as though you think this would spur him to grow up and take care of his own insurance needs when instead it would be putting his health care in peril. He would likely not be able to get his own insurance due to costs and then he wouldn't have any way to get his medication. That would certainly not enable him to live independently, not when he would not have his seizures under control. In turn, that could affect his ability to drive and hold down a job. Most kids today are kept on their parents insurance all during college and some until they are 25. It's not unusual.
I think that setting rules in place, having requirements and allowing for some mistakes are all good steps in parenting. However those all should be set in place with good intentions and love and with adjustments for each child's individual needs. I believe your expectations of your son are probably out of balance with his ability at this time.
Also, since you don't seem to be the nurturing type and your wife is, then I'd work it out where she's the one at the hospital instead of you, as that's what he needs at that time.
Must be nice to be so perfect. Maybe if you took some anger management courses and changed your diet, you could lay off that high blood pressure medicine. Maybe someone should give you sarcasm and silent treatment until you pay appropriate attention to your own health.
ETA there is MUCH more to "setting an example" than going to work every day....your attitude and how you treat people is a life skill. Yes, a work ethic is hugely important but so are "ethics" and getting along with others.....
Oh give it a rest. He's not claiming to be perfect. He's frustrated because little sissy boy complained to mummy that dad was being MEAN by talking to him about how he's handling himself and have expectations to be met. And mummy fell for it. So because mummy has no backbone and no common sense apparently, she pulls the typical stupid act of chastising dad like he's another child, AND threatens to withhold intimacy. Yeah, great way to make a man out of a boy and to nourish a marriage.
And why in h3ll does daddy have to stay overnight with sonny boy in the hospital? Sonny is 19!!!! I stayed overnight at 5... not a problem. Yup, sonny boy is a sissy.
Dad, don't let mom get a hold of your nuts because you'll never see them again. And SOMEONE has to show sonny wonny boy the proper way to use them.
In a nutshell some of you believe I should try a softer approach, and be more understanding.
No, you shouldn't. They think you should be behaving like a woman, or at the very least place your balls in your wife's purse.
Stay on the line you started. And let sonny stay overnight in the hospital ALONE. Or threaten him with telling his friends he was a scaredy cat and you had to babysit him while he was there.
No, you shouldn't. They think you should be behaving like a woman, or at the very least place your balls in your wife's purse.
Stay on the line you started. And let sonny stay overnight in the hospital ALONE. Or threaten him with telling his friends he was a scaredy cat and you had to babysit him while he was there.
Yeah, he can take this route if he wants to be perceived as a drill seargeant just barking orders rather than a father who wants a real working relationship with his son and wife. (Sometimes it's just as important to be kind as to be "right" or what we perceive as "right.") Just saying...
Barking orders? You mean holding your kid accountable for his own care equates to barking orders like a drill sergeant? That's ridiculous. No wonder boys are such wussies today.
..... So because mummy has no backbone and no common sense apparently, she pulls the typical stupid act of chastising dad like he's another child, AND threatens to withhold intimacy. Yeah, great way to make a man out of a boy and to nourish a marriage.
as opposed to giving the "Silent Treatment" to everyone who dares step out of line
Barking orders? You mean holding your kid accountable for his own care equates to barking orders like a drill sergeant? That's ridiculous. No wonder boys are such wussies today.
As I said earlier, I'm not in their home. So maybe I have the wrong impression, but the impression I have gotten from the OP's is that his approach has been a bit harsh and that may be what his wife is objecting to. There are ways to deal with things that are in kindness and in love. I believe in "tough love" as much as the next person. However, the person needs to feel the love from their father as much as the "tough" part if that makes sense. That's all I mean by needing a "softer approach."
Barking orders? You mean holding your kid accountable for his own care equates to barking orders like a drill sergeant? That's ridiculous. No wonder boys are such wussies today.
I agree with you 100%. Well here is the latest. My son has apparently lied to my wife. It turns out that he couldn't even pay in full the one class he was taking at community college. Instead of using the money from his check he gave the money to one of his friends (Which I don't believe). To make matters worse he then writes my wife a letter which hurt her feelings and made her cry (it basically blames her for his getting sick even though he (allegedly) took his medicine.) I did not take the opportunity to tell her "I told you so", I just listened to her tell me what he did, and now she feels hurt because she has been in his corner since this thing with his seizures came up again. Now its my turn to drop the hammer on his a## and deliver him into the real world. I have ordered him to box up all of his comic books and action figures. Since I bought them I'm going to take a page out of our President's book and redistribute the wealth. They will go to the Goodwill. He will have 2 months to find a full time job (he could still make the class he is taking) with some type of benefits, and as for the trip to the hospital I'll take him, get him settled and leave because I being an adult with responsibility (I already took the inital day off) have to work the next day for overtime.
I agree with you 100%. Well here is the latest. My son has apparently lied to my wife. It turns out that he couldn't even pay in full the one class he was taking at community college. Instead of using the money from his check he gave the money to one of his friends (Which I don't believe). To make matters worse he then writes my wife a letter which hurt her feelings and made her cry (it basically blames her for his getting sick even though he (allegedly) took his medicine.) I did not take the opportunity to tell her "I told you so", I just listened to her tell me what he did, and now she feels hurt because she has been in his corner since this thing with his seizures came up again. Now its my turn to drop the hammer on his a## and deliver him into the real world. I have ordered him to box up all of his comic books and action figures. Since I bought them I'm going to take a page out of our President's book and redistribute the wealth. They will go to the Goodwill. He will have 2 months to find a full time job (he could still make the class he is taking) with some type of benefits, and as for the trip to the hospital I'll take him, get him settled and leave because I being an adult with responsibility (I already took the inital day off) have to work the next day for overtime.
BRAVO!!!!!!!!
It doesn't surprise me he pulled something like this. He figures since he has mummy wrapped around his fingers, he can manipulate her and get away with it. And now, maybe mummy has learned a lesson,TOO. And that being, let DAD handle him. She can bandage his boo-boos, Dad can turn him into a man.
By the way Dad, I think you need to tell him that you will NOT tolerate him manipulating and betraying YOUR WIFE!!!! NOT his mother, but YOUR WIFE!!! That when he does this again, he will have to answer to you, even when he's hiding behind mummy's ovaries. Even if mummy gets mad at you. You tell tell him that you will NOT tolerate any kind of behavior that forces a void between you and YOUR WIFE, not his mother, YOUR WIFE!
Good for you!!! Give him all that he deserves! He's EARNED IT!!!!
It doesn't surprise me he pulled something like this. He figures since he has mummy wrapped around his fingers, he can manipulate her and get away with it. And now, maybe mummy has learned a lesson,TOO. And that being, let DAD handle him. She can bandage his boo-boos, Dad can turn him into a man.
By the way Dad, I think you need to tell him that you will NOT tolerate him manipulating and betraying YOUR WIFE!!!! NOT his mother, but YOUR WIFE!!! That when he does this again, he will have to answer to you, even when he's hiding behind mummy's ovaries. Even if mummy gets mad at you. You tell tell him that you will NOT tolerate any kind of behavior that forces a void between you and YOUR WIFE, not his mother, YOUR WIFE!
Good for you!!! Give him all that he deserves! He's EARNED IT!!!!
BRAVO!!!!!!!
Thank you. I do intend to have a little talk with the young man about his behavior and the consequences in making things difficult between my wife and I. I will not allow my children to dis-respect either me or my wife. I tried things her way and now its time to get the job done.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
(Sometimes it's just as important to be kind as to be "right" or what we perceive as "right.") Just saying...
So maybe I have the wrong impression, but the impression I have gotten from the OP's is that his approach has been a bit harsh and that may be what his wife is objecting to. There are ways to deal with things that are in kindness and in love. I believe in "tough love" as much as the next person. However, the person needs to feel the love from their father as much as the "tough" part if that makes sense. That's all I mean by needing a "softer approach."
