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I remember when the internet and web were first available to the masses the goal was to remain anonymous. That's not the goal anymore. Now, it's to develop a real authentic identity on the internet via Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. using your real name.
My 15-year-old still isn't on it. (He's dyslexic and writing for "fun" would just seem like work to him.) So, I don't know what I would do if faced with the same thing. I don't do the social networking thing either.
My mom forbade my sister from using Facebook. It didn't work - there is computer access at school, the library, friends' houses. My sister was using Facebook anyway behind my mom's back for at least a year. Then when my mom found out about it, she made her own Facebook account and told my sister to "friend" her... and my sister said no! But that's a different story...
Anyway, I think the most sensible thing to do is to get your own account and "friend" your teen. As her friend, you can monitor what she's doing pretty well. Also, make sure she knows how to set her privacy settings so that "friends only" can see her stuff.
You do have control over the privacy settings on FB. I suggest getting your own account and befriending your daughter. Then you can see what all of her other friends can see, and you might find it is no big deal. You might also reconnect with some of your own friends from HS and college. I agree with the other poster who said to set some rules regarding privacy and make sure she follows them.
My mom forbade my sister from using Facebook. It didn't work - there is computer access at school, the library, friends' houses. My sister was using Facebook anyway behind my mom's back for at least a year. Then when my mom found out about it, she made her own Facebook account and told my sister to "friend" her... and my sister said no! But that's a different story...
Anyway, I think the most sensible thing to do is to get your own account and "friend" your teen. As her friend, you can monitor what she's doing pretty well. Also, make sure she knows how to set her privacy settings so that "friends only" can see her stuff.
My kids would have to friend me until a certain age - but a couple of the older ones didn't want to friend me until they saw I had many more friends than they had - but my friends were all their aunts, uncles and cousins. They felt left out with their two or three friends and now it's just a big family reunion for us -- it's kind of "nice" in a way to see a picture of the big fish a brother-in-law just caught, or hear that a nephew or niece's softball game was fun and see the pictures or even read that some cousin just finished mowing his lawn, see pictures of your aunt's new car.
I guess for that reason, I don't see the racy side of it -- if there is one, but also at age 13, often kids just want to see what it's all about, they hear about it and want in on it.
Another thing is that facebook is not just for kids, if you look around you'll likely see local politicians, church people, all kinds of people getting in on the network aspect but families are using it to stay in touch. It really is what one makes it to be.
People are right when they talk about you can control the privacy settings so not anyone that searches can see your profile. BUT you can control what each of your friends see. For instance, only my friends that are my age (not family) can see my wall posts while my family cannot see my status or wall posts, which now is a little outdated since I'm out of college but you get the point. Even if you do friend your child, it doesn't mean you see their profile how other people see it.
Great suggestions here! Especially the one that said not to be afraid of this new stuff, but learn how to USE it!
I too have a FB and a MySpace and I think I belong on a half dozen other sites. My dh's cousins send me invites. I accept, then go in and edit the privacy settings... haven't had a problem yet and I've been using MySpace for 5 years and FB for 4. Recently, there have been some issues with people I do not like viewing our photos (friends of friends). So, I edited everything to "friends only" and went in and blocked those people and their email addresses from finding me in a search. Additionally, I use a cartoon of myself, rather than a photo as my profile picture. One of my cousins had her kids edit their profile picture to a photo of something else (a flower, a coffeepot, etc) so that strangers that are browsing cannot find them. In MySpace, you can force things like "Know my email address and last name" before someone can even REQUEST to be your friend. I have a 3rd cousin, that has a 3rd cousin that she "found" on MySpace, lost contact with 25 years ago and can't request as a friend because of his security features (he has too much security on his page - paranoid much? )
Rumors about viruses - the only folks getting viruses from FB and MySpace are those who get them from spam emails as well. The viruses pander to the stupid and/or greedy. If you know someone who is getting infected, you just send them a message letting them know you're going to delete or hide them until it's cleaned up so that you don't risk infecting your home computer, and they should send you a personal email when they get their page cleaned up. You can tell whose account has been compromised by the messages they display, btw.
I don't "get" Facebook, either. and what is this "Twitter" all about?? Do I really need you to "tweet" me to tell me what you're doing, etc?? Just another way to distract/dumb down the up and coming generation.
Let me say that Im 25 with no kids and not really conservative. But imo, a 13 on facebook is not a good idea. Apart from the bad things that could come from that, why in the he!! would a 13 yo want to be on facebook? When I was 13 we were concerned with other things. Kinda sounds like the 6 and 7 yo that want a cell phone, for what?!?!?!?! Who are they gonna call?!
And why would your 13yo need 100 and some odd number of "friends"?
I hate to start sounding like an old man at the young age of 25, but seriously what have kids turned into today?!
Anyway, a 13yo on a social networking site doesnt sound like a good idea for obvious reasons. I could be wrong I guess.
I don't "get" Facebook, either. and what is this "Twitter" all about?? Do I really need you to "tweet" me to tell me what you're doing, etc?? Just another way to distract/dumb down the up and coming generation.
well, no offense intended, but how do you know it's dumbing down people if you don't even know what it is?
OP, I have a 14 year old. He's on both MySpace and Facebook. As am I. I'm his friend on both and can see what's he doing, plus any time I want, he has to hand over his password. I think you might be making it into more a big deal than it is, thereby making it more exciting to your daughter than it normally would be. Take a few hours and go over the sites, learning them and knowing more than your daughter.
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