Do you attend your teenagers' parent-teacher conferences? (daycare, baby, pregnant)

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by HighlandsGal

My point is, I guess, is if your child is struggling and failing classes, why don't you attend the conferences or at least contact the appropriate teacher(s)?? Drives me nuts.......

Although a majority of the parents might be aweful terrible losers for parents, there are some legitimate reasons some good parents might not be showing up.

I'll play devil's advocate and toss out some food for thought.

First:

The teen years are the most difficult years of parenting.

A parent might be dealing with super challenging problems at home---like teen drug use.

Failing school might be their least concern right now.

They might be trying to keep their child alive at this point.

Second:

High school is grades 9 through 12 so that means that parents have dealt with teachers for the last 8 years prior.

If the parents have activity participated in their children's educations throughout the years, they might have become very frustrated with the school system.

This is especially true for parents who have children with learning disabilities in a school district or state that does everything in its power to restrict access to special services.

As a result, the parents don't care to hear what you have to say because their experience has been that education professionals don't care to hear what they have to say.

[wyoquilter]

Originally Posted by maciesmom

Here is how parent teacher conferences work in our area:
We are notified via email and by phone. The school website also has it hi-lighted at the top. It is scheduled as an "open house" style where all of the teachers are sitting at tables (by dept) from about 3 until about 7 for 2 days. Parents go, and stand in line for their turn with each teacher. There are little signs on the table that ask you to limit your conversations to 5 minutes. If you have something more in depth to discuss, make an appointment. My experience (from how long my wait in certain lines is) is that our conferences are fairly well attended. My "conferences" mainly consist of introductions then the teacher looking up my childs grades and telling me what his grade is and if he or she has any concerns. I also take the opportunity to communicate to teachers things about my child they may not be aware of that might give them some insight. Also, I make sure to mention to specific teachers that my child particularly enjoys their class and why. I do expect that my child takes responsibility for his grades however, I am still the parent and taking the time to attend the conferences tells both the teachers and my kids that I will take the time for them....
BTW - thanks for the reminder. I am scheduled to bring a case of water for the teachers at our HS this week!

Our HS does the same thing as well. All of the teachers set up tables in the gymnasium and have signs as to their subject and their names. They have the tables in lines going in alphabetical order by their names. The parents are asked to keep the visits short say 5-10 mins. so it can give everyone a chance to meet with their kids' teachers.

As to the OP's question, Yes my DH and I attend parent - teacher's confrences regardless of whether they are in grade school, Jr. High, or HS. There usally isn't much to discuss as our kids have all been B's or higher students. But by going it shows our kids that we care about them and it lets the teachers know we are interested in what they are learning and that we are involved in our kids' lives. We only missed one time of going to a parent teacher confrence when my oldest was in HS. But it couldn't have been avoided. I did however send a note to the teachers explaining that we couldn't be there, but if they had any concerns they felt needed to be discussed to let us know so we could schedule a time to visit.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by FarNorthDallas

At the high school level our school has Meet the Teacher night where you follow your kid's schedule and spend 10 minutes in each class. The teachers have no idea who the parents are sitting before them as the kids aren't invited. The teachers give a little speech. The parents sign in, so the teachers can look back and see which kids had parents there. I like going because I like putting a face with a name. But it's not Meet the Parents night, so the teachers don't meet individual parents.

This is what I won't attend. It's called curriculum night where I live. Total waste of time.

[jkcoop]

When our son was in elementary and middle we always attended conferences. By middle school it seemed like a waste of time - wait to see teacher, have teacher say what a wonderful student he is, hurry up and move on.

When he started high school last year, I had a friend, who already had two kids go through high school, tell me to not bother. You will wait in line for a long, long time, and have less than 5 minutes with the teacher.

So what I did last year and have done since is around conference time email each teacher. I would say why I didn't plan on attending conferences. Mention a few things about my son, what we've been always been told about how he works, etc. in the past, and ask them to let me know if there are any issues I need to be aware of, etc. and that if they felt I needed to come in, that we definitely would.

All the teachers would respond by agreeing that the conferences can be a waste of time! They appreciated the little insights I gave about my son, and pretty much said he was doing exactly how I expected.

And we can see grades, attendance, etc. online, so I'm never caught off guard with how he's doing.

I think email has been a great way to communicate with teachers. My son was struggling a bit in Spanish earlier in the year. His Spanish teacher was emailing me on the weekend! Honestly, I don't know when that man has a life because he's so responsive and has been the best teacher my son has EVER had. He is so dedicated and responsive and has even emailed me out of the blue to say what a great job my son was doing in class participation.

I know you are frustrated. But unfortunately as already mentioned, those kids are failing/struggling due to unplugged parents, so it's no wonder they aren't responding.

[SactoBankerGirl]

I haven't had any teachers schedule conferences for my HS senior. However, if they did, I would attend and I know how it would go. First, they would tell me how GIFTED he is and he is the brightest math/science/history/fill in the blank student they have ever had. However, he doesn't seem motivated and in fact rarely turns in homework and is therefore getting a D/F in the class.

Same old story since 3rd grade and believe me, I've tried everything. So, am I am bad parent for giving up on him? I'm honestly glad that I don't have to sit in the conferences anymore because the only thing I got out of it was a strong sense of shame (bad mommy) and a stronger feeling of frustration.

I know my kids and what their strengths and weaknesses are. I have never missed a conference, but rarely does anything come up that I wasn't already aware of. Usually the best thing I have gotten out of them was an idea of what their teacher was like.

[SKP440]

I have two children. My son who is 19 and attends Community College, and my daughter who will be 12 in a week, and just entered middle school. Last week was my daughter's parent-teacher conference and it went smoothly. All of the teachers said she is a pleasure to have in class and I think the lowest grade was a 75 on a math quiz. All of her teachers agreed that she should be moved up to honors classes. This is quite a refreshing change from when my son attended the same school and the teachers said he was always polite and respectful, but he doesn't do his homework. He actually did his homework (I know because I spent many nights keeping him focused to complete the assignment) yet he failed to turn it in. The problem I had with the teacher's then was that there was not enough communication (i.e. maybe after the 3RD consecutive missing assignment give me a call to see what's going on, or stop sending "progress reports" where there is no indication that there were missing assignments.) Parent-teacher conferences are important to attend so that you have a better idea of how your child is doing academically.

[maciesmom]

So what I did last year and have done since is around conference time email each teacher. I would say why I didn't plan on attending conferences. Mention a few things about my son, what we've been always been told about how he works, etc. in the past, and ask them to let me know if there are any issues I need to be aware of, etc. and that if they felt I needed to come in, that we definitely would.

What a great idea! As I mentioned, I go mainly to send the message to my kids and their teacher that I believe what they are doing is important and worthy of my attention - and I just feel that by making that effort, the teacher is more likely to follow up with me should there ever be an issue. Your way makes so much sense and accomplishes the same thing!

Tried to rep you but you know the story!

[Gerania]

Originally Posted by maciesmom

I would guess that in a public school, parent-teacher conferences being offered is required. It is unforturnate but not surprising that the parents of the floundering students have not responded. That attitude probably has a lot to do with why those kids are in trouble to begin with. It's a vicious cycle.

Well, sometimes. When my son was in high school, some of the teachers had a syllabus, list of important assignments and email address on the school website; other teachers had nothing. It wasn't required, so I suppose that they didn't feel the need to provide contact information or perhaps did not want to be contacted. I had to go to the office and ask how to send mail to a teacher. Some of them did not answer email or voice messages. It was an exercise in frustration.

I faithfully attended my son's parent/teacher conference evenings in elementary and middle school. I found out that if parental attendance was high, there was not enough time for meaningful discourse.

As Momma_bear said, if you need a conference, ask for a conference.

[maciesmom]

Are you saying that your son's high school had some teachers who did not provide any contact information and the school or school district did not offer a regular "parent teacher conference" night? Wow. I guess we are lucky. Now, I have heard that there are teachers at my son's school that are....less responsive but I have not run into them. I understand that some parents might find conferences as they currently exist a waste if their students are succeeding. I personally find it useful to touch base even so....and I agree that if my child was not doing well I'd be finding out what the issue was BUT - I can't picture a public school deciding to just do away with them.....

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by maciesmom

Are you saying that your son's high school had some teachers who did not provide any contact information and the school or school district did not offer a regular "parent teacher conference" night? Wow. I guess we are lucky. Now, I have heard that there are teachers at my son's school that are....less responsive but I have not run into them. I understand that some parents might find conferences as they currently exist a waste if their students are succeeding. I personally find it useful to touch base even so....and I agree that if my child was not doing well I'd be finding out what the issue was BUT - I can't picture a public school deciding to just do away with them.....

The school I teach at has a parent night very early in the school year but it does not have a parent conference night. If teachers want a conference they can ask for one. If parents want a conference they can also ask.

This is a large (2500 students) public high school near Fort Lauderdale, FL.