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You're the type of parent that a child grows up to resent, and who will leave you to rot in a dingy nursing home when you start needing your diaper changed and drool wiped off your chin.
Good luck with that, let us know how it goes for you.
I think spanking your child is ok as long as you aren't doing it all the time as opposed to verbally disciplining your child. By spanking I mean, a light spank on the diaper to divert the misbehavior when the word NO is being ignored. I also believe you should only do it if they comprehend the word NO and are still doing it in defiance. Amazingly enough, I was spanked as a kid, until I was teenager. I learned from that when I laughed at my parents for saying no, thinking what good is the word no? The spank, reminded me what I was doing was wrong.
I disagree with Mercury Cougar for the simple fact that I was spanked as a child, and I am totally attached to my parents. I live out of state and still come back every month to help them with their house or whatever they need, even with my 17 month old in tow. I thank them for it. Without it, I could have become an out of control kid, thinking I could do anything without consequences. One of those kids that I see daily who have no regard for anyone or anything around them. Without certain discipline, some children would run wild. Not all kids are the same. Different kids need different methods. Something I believe so many people have overlooked for fear of being that "parent" who beats their child. You don't have to beat them to make then understand, and a normal spank is not damaging their psyche in any way, nor is it a beating.
As for the personal attack towards Mercury Cougar, not everyone who doesn't believe in spanking, calls CPS. They just have different views, as do you.
There's no need to attack anyone. We're adults, or at least you should be acting like one, if you're raising a child. Teach our children to understand others differences as opposed to teaching hate for those that disagree with your ways.
Ok, 1st and foremost I am new to the forum and this site but enjoy it! I have a 9 month old son and as a new parent I would like to think I'm doing well being that I have had experience in watching close friends with their kids and being the oldest of 5 within my family. My son is wonderful, very happy child, sees me and always greets me with a smile no matter what but lately it seems like he's trying to start his own personality and I don't want it going in the wrong direction. If I leave the room instead of him crying it sounds like he's just plain yelling until I come back in which it stops. I take him out and sit him with me while I get dressed in the morning and he's calm. I try to get him dressed and now it seems like he fights me on that also so I dont know if this is the beginning of things to come or if I stand firm will he understand? I think he does because when I tell him "NO" he will notice it and start crying...I just remember as a child me being spanked lightly (old school) as a reminder or as a startle to notice that I'm doing wrong, but at what age is that ok? I don't want him growing up as that child that no one wants to babysit or be around because he's now all of a sudden cranky all the time.
I suggest learn about the ABC of Behavior Management.
In simple terms, any behavior is a form of communication.
You can figure out what is the
A - Antecedent, the thing the preceeds to the behaviors
B - The behavior itself
C - Consequence of the behavior
Your job then is to teach them a more acceptable way to communicate without reverting to the behavior. Teach them that tool, and they will use it to communicate rather than act on behavior to achieve the consequence they wanted.
Depends on the child, but I'm going to go with the never side of the fence. I don't spank my son, my daughter I spanked, until she started hitting me back... So no spanking here. Positive reinforcement and earning increasing privileges is what works.
I never have spanked my kids, I was never spanked, we all are upstanding, productive, no jail kind of people. Just stated that so you know I am obviously going to say NO but even so I am literally shocked at the idea an adult would spank a baby in diapers.
I have never understood the mentality that it is okay to teach children that the people who love them most are allowed to hit them "because its good for you" but to a child that young you are the person who is supposed to protect them. Discipline is just not something that is an issue with a 9 month old.
I had no idea so many people spank babies. I think that is barbaric and shocking. I had children and never spanked a baby - would never even consider it - they aren't "bad" as babies . . .they have needs that are not being met if they are crying or struggling in some way. It is your challenge to figure out what they need or how to deal with them when they are struggling.
Well the OP's 9-month-old is now 2 years 9 months, since the OP asked all of this in 2009. Also, the OP never posted on CD after their last post in this very thread, 2 years ago. I'm guessing she no longer cares what anyone here thinks about her giving her baby a tap on the hand or upper thigh to divert their attention away from whatever was making them grouchy (which was what the OP was asking about in the first place).
If you are starting from a position that spanking is automatically a good thing and that it is equivalent to raising a child who is responsible, well behaved and the like, I urge you to read my three favorite books:
The first is sort of a why the old school punish / reward is not the best idea. It DOES take some thick skin, take what you need and leave the rest. Some people find her tone offensive. But the ideas are good if you can get past that some peopel find her accusatory.
The second one is how to set effective limits without punitive actions. What to replace punishment WITH so that you teach your child to behave.
The third is great for understanding where you kid is coming from. How to see things from their POV. It also talks about how to engender cooperation and avoid resistance...
Well the OP's 9-month-old is now 2 years 9 months, since the OP asked all of this in 2009. Also, the OP never posted on CD after their last post in this very thread, 2 years ago. I'm guessing she no longer cares what anyone here thinks about her giving her baby a tap on the hand or upper thigh to divert their attention away from whatever was making them grouchy (which was what the OP was asking about in the first place).
Oopos. It just came up on the unread list fo rme. I did not even notice.
Ok, 1st and foremost I am new to the forum and this site but enjoy it! I have a 9 month old son and as a new parent I would like to think I'm doing well being that I have had experience in watching close friends with their kids and being the oldest of 5 within my family. My son is wonderful, very happy child, sees me and always greets me with a smile no matter what but lately it seems like he's trying to start his own personality and I don't want it going in the wrong direction. If I leave the room instead of him crying it sounds like he's just plain yelling until I come back in which it stops. I take him out and sit him with me while I get dressed in the morning and he's calm. I try to get him dressed and now it seems like he fights me on that also so I dont know if this is the beginning of things to come or if I stand firm will he understand? I think he does because when I tell him "NO" he will notice it and start crying...I just remember as a child me being spanked lightly (old school) as a reminder or as a startle to notice that I'm doing wrong, but at what age is that ok? I don't want him growing up as that child that no one wants to babysit or be around because he's now all of a sudden cranky all the time.
thoughts?
I have not gone through and read all the replies but around this time period babies start to go through separation anxiety. That is probably why he is yelling when you leave the room now. It does not mean his personality is changing. It actually is a good thing. It means he has bonded with you and is upset when you are no longer in his sight. At this age any kind of "spanking" or "swatting" is not going to work. He is too young to associate that with how he is behaving. You will need to wait until closer to 1 1/2 - 2 years old for them to grasp the cause and effect. He probably stops when you say "NO" because you probably change your voice from the regular speech patter you use when talking to him. That is fine though but don't be surprised when one of his first words is No. Also, check and see if he is getting any new teeth. That may be one of the reasons he is cranky too.
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