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Paper towel, apply iron - repeatedly - then lestoil
Throw out the crayons.
Another poster answered the "doesn't understand time-outs" - she absolutely DOES understand but she is getting MORE of a reward doing bad things than she is a deterrent by the punishment. Obviously, the crime pays. So let's UP the "punishment" and diminish the reward for her behavior.
First, let's define what's going on:
taking without permission (sneaking)
destruction of property (crayons on walls)
self-beautification (hair cutting)
Next, let's UP the punishment and make it specific to what she's doing:
Sneaking - sits in the middle of the floor where you can watch her for a set # of minutes - use a timer - must sit cross-legged and DO NOTHING - no TV (turn it off, Mom) - no music, no singing, no talking Destruction of property - She is made to deposit the crayons in the trash. The trash bag is tied up, and the 2 of you walk it out to the dumpster, main garbage can. Out, gone (We can't have her using an iron on the wall for obvious safety reasons). Now she is also required to do some other kind of clean-up. To give you back the time it takes you to clean up the mess SHE made.
Self-Destruction/beautification - Call it what you want. Find out what's happening: She hates the attention you give to her hair/looks or to YOUR hair, it's hot and her hair is too thick and making her uncomfortable, or she simply is experimenting. Find out if you can. But the punishment is: she wears a hat for a set length of time - or until it grows out - but a hat she hates. She wears it indoors AND outdoors (assuming you don't live in a hot region where it could cause some health issues). OR, you give her a pixie cut. AND if she has her own scissors, they get thrown out, like the crayons.
NEXT is REWARDS for good behavior.
How about some of those washable markers or chalk? Get a whiteboard or chalkboard for her room.
TIME - yours. A trip to the local library - story hour, a video, etc. Local museum, zoo, walk in the park, bicycle ride, leaf pile jumping, watching ships in the harbor, Mom reading a story.
I'd also try to figure out what time(s) of day or other activities are going on when she does these behaviors.
Good luck. 4 yrs old only lasts for a year. Then you are on to 5 yr old behaviors - lol.
Paper towel, apply iron - repeatedly - then lestoil
Throw out the crayons.
Another poster answered the "doesn't understand time-outs" - she absolutely DOES understand but she is getting MORE of a reward doing bad things than she is a deterrent by the punishment. Obviously, the crime pays. So let's UP the "punishment" and diminish the reward for her behavior.
First, let's define what's going on:
taking without permission (sneaking)
destruction of property (crayons on walls)
self-beautification (hair cutting)
Next, let's UP the punishment and make it specific to what she's doing:
Sneaking - sits in the middle of the floor where you can watch her for a set # of minutes - use a timer - must sit cross-legged and DO NOTHING - no TV (turn it off, Mom) - no music, no singing, no talking Destruction of property - She is made to deposit the crayons in the trash. The trash bag is tied up, and the 2 of you walk it out to the dumpster, main garbage can. Out, gone (We can't have her using an iron on the wall for obvious safety reasons). Now she is also required to do some other kind of clean-up. To give you back the time it takes you to clean up the mess SHE made.
Self-Destruction/beautification - Call it what you want. Find out what's happening: She hates the attention you give to her hair/looks or to YOUR hair, it's hot and her hair is too thick and making her uncomfortable, or she simply is experimenting. Find out if you can. But the punishment is: she wears a hat for a set length of time - or until it grows out - but a hat she hates. She wears it indoors AND outdoors (assuming you don't live in a hot region where it could cause some health issues). OR, you give her a pixie cut. AND if she has her own scissors, they get thrown out, like the crayons.
NEXT is REWARDS for good behavior.
How about some of those washable markers or chalk? Get a whiteboard or chalkboard for her room.
TIME - yours. A trip to the local library - story hour, a video, etc. Local museum, zoo, walk in the park, bicycle ride, leaf pile jumping, watching ships in the harbor, Mom reading a story.
I'd also try to figure out what time(s) of day or other activities are going on when she does these behaviors.
Good luck. 4 yrs old only lasts for a year. Then you are on to 5 yr old behaviors - lol.
Some good suggestions, here, I think. Reminds me actually of a one-time incident when my son was about 4 or 5 and he got some scissors (which he also wasn't allowed to have) and snipped part of his eyebrow out. His only explanation was that "it seemed like a good idea at the time!" His only punishment was that everyday I made him let me pencil in his brow a little bit with my eyebrow pencil! He didn't do it anymore!
Right after my daughters third birthday we had issues with paint/markers/scissors every time she would paint on one of her toys I would make her throw the toy in the trash. I realize you can't throw away the wall but make your child throw away the crayon/marker/scissor. My daughter cut the hair on her favorite baby and I made her throw it away (I took it out and hid it from her). She cried for days about the baby. But she never did it again and 6 months later I gave her the baby back. Now a year later we still haven't had any issues. Good luck, its a tough age- but they do understand right from wrong they're just manipulating you! They're sneaky like that!
Wanting to color and cut are very natural steps in learning and she needs to know how to handle them before she starts school, so help her learn the right way.
While you are cooking dinner, sit her at the counter/table with child appropriate scissors and magazines and let her cut to her hearts content. When she's done she cleans up the paper scraps.
While you are reading the newspaper sit her on the floor with a lap desk and give her some Crayola Color Wonder markers and their paper. These markers will NOT color on anything but their paper. She can try all she wants to color on other things and it won't. So she learns it's not fun to color on anything but the paper and everything else stays clean.
You can't paint the walls since you rent, but you can use the chalkboard paint and paint a large box. Chalk is fairly harmless on most everything, so give her a box of colored chalk (not sidewalk because that makes a much larger mess inside than most people care to have) and to the box is where she goes if you are on the phone.
Make it kid friendly, work with her on boundaries then be there to guide her.
It is called applying hand to butt better known as spanking . at four they know their boundaries quite clearly . My sons did it one time and they never did it again because I spanked their butt and they had to clean it off my wall as well . they understood completely what they did was wrong and your child will too when she finds out that it hurts to write on walls .
I agree with the other posters, your four year old is definitely old enough to understand that what she's done is wrong - that's why she's sneaking. You have to make sure the punishment gets her attention so this behavior will not be repeated. This is unacceptable behavior and you need to make sure she knows you will not tolerate it.
I'd start by taking the colors away temporarily. If that doesn't work then she only gets to color when you are there watching. My son colors on the wall every chance he gets. I've tried everything, nothing stops him.
Coloring on the walls after you made it clear that was wrong?..... "sneaking" around you to do it anyway? Hmmm...I have an "idea", but it won't be popular so I won't get that debate started. OP, i'm sure you can guess my suggestion...
And, BTW....at 4, she knows very well what she is doing and is more than capable of understanding that it is wrong. You are going to have to make the consequence a little unpleasant or it will only get worse.
At four she is quite capable of understanding that what she is doing is wrong. The question is does she have such an urge to color that she defies you or is she just doing it to test you. If she is really artistic then find her sufficient outlets. If she is testing then you have to be firm and take away things she loves like her favorite cartoon.
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His only explanation was that "it seemed like a good idea at the time!" His only punishment was that everyday I made him let me pencil in his brow a little bit with my eyebrow pencil! He didn't do it anymore!
