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Old 05-10-2007, 02:48 PM
 
266 posts, read 1,082,962 times
Reputation: 104

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Lately I have just about had it with the tantrums and whining. I have two daughters, ages 6 & 7. They are loved wherever they go... everyone wants to babysit them, the teachers adore them, they get comments whenever we go out about how beautiful they are (seriously, gets to the point of annoyance) a lot of which stems from the fact they are both redheads - one dark auburn, one coppery gold.

OK - so all this perfections lasts... until we get home. Then....the whining starts, the picky eating, the pouting. The screaming!! I have tried my best, used the dignified, parental approach... well, today, I just lost it. I couldn't help it - I had a tantrum as bad as theirs. I feel horrible, but there it is. If one of them isn't screaming or crying or whining, the other is... So I yelled and threw a few things... felt good at the time, but I feel like a big tool now.


I guess I should add that this is all complicated by the fact we are getting our house ready to sell... packing up items, very busy, and contemplating a complete change of environment. I'm sure this is putting us all on edge.

any suggestions? I'm at my wit's end...
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Old 05-10-2007, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,668 posts, read 19,927,765 times
Reputation: 21277
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty71 View Post
Lately I have just about had it with the tantrums and whining. I have two daughters, ages 6 & 7. They are loved wherever they go... everyone wants to babysit them, the teachers adore them, they get comments whenever we go out about how beautiful they are (seriously, gets to the point of annoyance) a lot of which stems from the fact they are both redheads - one dark auburn, one coppery gold.

OK - so all this perfections lasts... until we get home. Then....the whining starts, the picky eating, the pouting. The screaming!! I have tried my best, used the dignified, parental approach... well, today, I just lost it. I couldn't help it - I had a tantrum as bad as theirs. I feel horrible, but there it is. If one of them isn't screaming or crying or whining, the other is... So I yelled and threw a few things... felt good at the time, but I feel like a big tool now.


I guess I should add that this is all complicated by the fact we are getting our house ready to sell... packing up items, very busy, and contemplating a complete change of environment. I'm sure this is putting us all on edge.

any suggestions? I'm at my wit's end...
One resource that helped me know how to address discipline issues when my son was growing up was James Dobson's "The Strong-willed Child." Lot of practical advice there for child raising IMO.

Don't feel too bad about "losing it!" It happens. You guys probably are under a lot of stress preparing to move.
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Old 05-10-2007, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Jersey Shore
1,574 posts, read 4,269,337 times
Reputation: 999
Don't feel bad about the blow up. Moving is stressful!

I'm usually pretty calm and rational with my 2 girls, but sometimes I lose it. I find they respond to that quickly just because they're not used to it! I swear by the book 1-2-3 Magic. It works like a charm on my kids. It's a combination of counting and time outs and if it's really done by the book-it should work. All I have to say to my kids now is, "Should I start counting?" and they straighten right up.

Good luck with the kids and the move!
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Old 05-10-2007, 07:05 PM
 
Location: NW Atlanta
1,372 posts, read 4,758,643 times
Reputation: 419
my three favorite words every time i hear but mom.......

"I'M NOT ASKING!!!!!"

clean your room
but mom....
I'm not asking
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Old 05-10-2007, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
550 posts, read 2,542,817 times
Reputation: 524
When my boys say "but mom" I ask them to please stop calling me names.

I deal with 3 boys and the fighting can get way out of control. The picking on, the yelling, the name calling....PLUS they are sooo messy! I have been known to freak out when the boys are having a particularly hard day. At times I will remove myself from the situation until I know I am calm enough to deal without freaking out.

See if you can get a friend to take your girls on days that you know you will be packing or cleaning.
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Old 05-11-2007, 05:38 AM
 
266 posts, read 1,082,962 times
Reputation: 104
Thank you all very much for your replies... I will take them all to heart. It is so tough sometimes to be the "adult" in the situation!! (at least for me!) I grew up in a very dysfunctional home (even more than usual) and I am very worried about making the same mistakes. To my horror, the "freakout" is definitely a parental move, so any help/advice I can get means a lot!!
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Old 05-11-2007, 07:31 AM
 
Location: Chattanooga TN
2,349 posts, read 9,500,544 times
Reputation: 1197
Kids adapt to any situation they are put in. My lil guy is a wonder at school and obeys every word his grumpy papa says. When it comes to dear ol' Mom or grandma, forget about it! lol He knows we are pushovers and takes advantage of the situation. I have finally had to put my foot down and show him that I am the boss and he MUST listen to me. We also do the count down and time out things as well, which work wonders. He has made a nice turn around and things are just so much better at home as well as out in public. I had to show him that I would not tolerate his behavior, just like at school and w/papa. Let them know who's in charge. It will be hard at first but it gets better. They will NOT fall over from fatigue when cleaning their room nor will they love you any less. As a matter of fact, they will like that you demand respect and will appreciate the attention. My child is a much happier kid now (me too) and not once have I had to pull his little toenails out LOL As far as the freaking out episodes, hey, it happens to the best of us. And boy don't they jump? All I have to do now is raise my voice just a little bit...
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Old 05-16-2007, 12:43 PM
 
129 posts, read 518,606 times
Reputation: 43
The most valuable lesson I learned when I had my 3 kids was thru a neighbor...
No one likes to perform without an audience! They will quit their tantrum so much faster if you walk away, than if you pay attention. They have no one to perform for this way.
If this does not work then take the control back from them. We had to do this once. Strip their room down to mattress, turn locks around and you have the control. They earn their items back with behavior. I promise you when you start to strip them of their items they will beg you to stop, but don't you have to follow thru no matter how much it hurts you.

They are doing this because they know they get your attention, but it is in the wrong manner. I have been there and thru this with my children. I have cried many times and wondered what I had done wrong. It is not fun at all. In a matter of days I had my hardest child turned around, as I was told I would. Everyone I have spoken to that did this also says it was so hard for about 24 hours, but things are so much better then they imagined now. It will get harder to discipline as they get older, so now is the best time to put a stop to it.

Hope you know you are not the only one who is and has gone thru this. This is part of parenting. Good Luck
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