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Old 05-11-2007, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Miami
1,212 posts, read 2,889,299 times
Reputation: 1178

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Spike1611 couldn't have said it better!
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Old 05-11-2007, 07:44 AM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,328,685 times
Reputation: 892
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
I also believe that you should try to stay with your husband. You need him for yourself. He's going through a lot of pain as well. You may not agree at this moment, but try to wade through it with as much love and patience as you can.
I love my husband dearly and waited almost eleven years to remarry. He has been with me through the good, bad and the real ugly. Giving me all of him through my cancer and being mom and dad when I couldnt step up to the plate because of my illness. But he feels hurt and devastated with Daniels actions. This child does not understand and I trully believe he doesnt care that he is destroying this family. His older brothers have been good examples for him. His father and step father are hard working responsible men. He has the support of both of them.

However, when push comes to shove if I am dealt with having to choose between Daniel and my husband; my son wins hands down. The sad part is Daniel doesnt deseve it but my instinct of mothering takes over. I am just praying that the Lord steps in and gives all of us the wisdom necessary to not react without thinking it through.
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Old 05-11-2007, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Syracuse
109 posts, read 241,989 times
Reputation: 168
Default Well...

You seem like an amazing mom. I hope you never have to choose between your husband and your son. It's not a choice that ANY person should have to make, especially you. I pray for you.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Central Florida
1,406 posts, read 4,590,140 times
Reputation: 831
Oh, this is like revisiting some things with my son. Nothing like getting that phone call is there? Your whole insides turn upside down. Then when they don't appreciate anything you do for them, it's like a knife turning. You will be in my prayers. And it sounds like your husband has been there so much for you. I hope both of you can work together in this because without his support, you'll have even more stress. I know...he's not seeming to be really supportive at the moment but when it comes down to brass tacks, hopefully he will not have you make that choice.

As for attorneys, I did hire a private attorney once for my son...it cost me well over a thousand dollars and that was back in the 80's. Didn't do a bit more good than if I'd gone with the Public Defender. Actually, my son came out with more requirements than the other kids he was with. And the judge made me feel like a total jerk and loser. It didn't matter that I had 3 other children older than my son who had never been in trouble. So, in my experience having a private atty. didn't accomplish anything.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,328,685 times
Reputation: 892
Quote:
Originally Posted by spike1611 View Post
You seem like an amazing mom. I hope you never have to choose between your husband and your son. It's not a choice that ANY person should have to make, especially you. I pray for you.

I wouldnt say Im amazing because somewhere down the road I did something wrong. I havent pin pointed when, how or where.

Last Novemeber my husband and I traveled to Montana taking two planes reanting a car in Seatle and driving into Montana to put Daniel in a facility. He had tested postive for pot and they had a really good program. He ran away while we were driving back to Seatle to catch our plane home that connected to Chicago and last destination Miami. These were non refundable flights; to say the least we missed them and had to repurchase because we had to drive back to Montana to look for Daniel. It turned out that after further evaluation they determined that he wasnt right for the program because he was just experimenting with pot. We brought him back home and we thought well that had to scare him. He acted better until January thats when I was diagnosed witht he cancer. I did not follow through with our family contract becausee I was dealing with oncologist, hospital visits, etc. He started going down hill but kept comming back negative when tested for drugs. He had him put into a psychiatric childrens unit for evaluation. He put him on Abilify which is used for schizphrenid/bipolar but no actual diagnosis. He has an appt with his psychiatrist on May 23.

I was willing to leave him in Montana for the three month program that was covered under our insurance plan however he did not apply for the criateria for that particular program. I am going to call the insurance carrier to see if they have a facility for behavioral health or problem children. I believe there one called Aspen but Im not sure if its covered under our plan.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:09 AM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,328,685 times
Reputation: 892
Quote:
Originally Posted by poprocksncoke View Post
Aw Pixie! <hugs>
I know you must be a wits end. I wouldn't know what to do. Honestly, I know that if it were me.. my parents would have left me in detention for at least a day or two. They would have been too angry with me to bring me home, and it prolly would have done me some good to sit there a while.

I would say keep the public defender. As Lauri said, attorneys work harder.. but do you think that Daniel will have any appreciation for that fact? Prolly not. In all honesty, you know he deserves what he gets. You have bent over backwards for him. You can only give so much, girl..

Be strong, go with your gut, and know we are all praying for you and your family.
PRC, as always you always have great advice for me. I will be calling the public defender in a few. Anyhow, for me to get him a private attorney I would have to borrow the money and I dont think its worth it. My mom wants to put up the money but she has worked really hard for her pension and retirment to have to bail him out of problems he created. That was always my moms big problem..she has a heart of gold but is completley too soft.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,533 posts, read 35,646,549 times
Reputation: 13126
Pixie, I sent you some info. Check your PM's.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Syracuse
109 posts, read 241,989 times
Reputation: 168
Default Okay..

I'll give you that, Pixiedust. There's always going to be something that you could have done better. There's always that trip you should have said "no" to. There's always that friend that you should have said "no" to. But...

You can't live in the world of "what ifs" and "I should haves". You did what you did. Now you must manifest your unsurpassable love by taking the next step boldly, whatever you choose to do. But do it firmly. Without swaying or regretting. Do the right thing, Pixiedust. I believe, that, with as much as you have seen exhibited in your son, you know what the right thing is.

Thanks for reading, friend.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,596 posts, read 34,552,497 times
Reputation: 14657
My oldest was pretty much living along the same line. Constant getting into trouble. Then quit school. I finally had had enough and put him into a military academy for 6 months. That boy came home a changed man. He is now 19 and has a great paying job in the oilfeild...where they work him for a good 12 solid hours a day. And he has just purchased his own car. I'm feeling pretty proud of him these days. But believe me there were times I seriously thought it would be just best to snuff the life out of him and save everyone the trouble he was constantly causing. Not sure if that is an option in your area...but it sure seemed to help my son.
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Old 05-11-2007, 10:40 AM
 
Location: NC
531 posts, read 1,838,450 times
Reputation: 305
Pixie...first I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. You have had enough to deal with.

Also, I was just like your son. I was on that terrible path that leads to disaster. I did not care who I hurt or why. As far as I was concerned, it was everyone else's fault. That was 15 years ago. Then I met a person that was an adult "me" and realized what a loser she turned out to be. She spent many hours talking to me and turned my life around. My point is there is still hope! I know you will have many difficult times ahead, but I wish you the best and I will keep you and your family in my prayers!
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