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Old 05-12-2007, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,331,194 times
Reputation: 892

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
pixie,,id ask daniel to write a letter of apology to the kid he stole the ipod from and to his parents,,(this would be one of many conditions, if he comes home) you also,,write some comments on the letter.

thiers a fine line between tough love, and being an enabler a crutch, and safety-net...i've seen many mothers ripped apart, by thier sons actions,,,they just want to hold/hug thier son like he was eight again,,,and usually have a soft spot. this is natural.
ive been around much of this behavior,,,and the young man,,,,im sorry to say,,,wont listen to you,,,wont listen to step-dads..IF he thinks you are there as a safety net for him,,,you can scream all you want at him,,,but he wont "hear" you,,til you get to the point,,where,,you yourself are able to drive him to the police station/juvenile hall, etc,,,,and NOT try to be his savior..what if he snatched an ipod,,from the worng,,kid?? and that kid,,or his older brother ,,stabbed him?? im not saying this to be mean, but since he has no rationalization of consequences,,,,
,im a firm believer,,in being very strict,,

you can give him,,just one more chance,,,,just one more screw up,,,and hes in a juvenile hall, home,,etc,,(out of the house)
but when he messes up,,you have to be the one,,driving him there,, and be able to do that,,,if he senses you cant,,he'll try to walk all over you,,

and clearly explain,,,,his future is in his own hands,,,to your husband,,zero tolerance,,

and please dont get angry at your hubby, he's going thru this mess...to
Im sorry to say Im past the holding and hugging. Im angry and hurt with his actions. Sometimes I feel bad because I dont have the need to hold him, I am hoping it will go away. Your suggestion for an apology letter is excellent. I had not thought of that. I get the feeling he thinks hes suffering enough. What about those parents that have to work to buy the IPOD for there child? I know that when I bought them there Ipods last December it was a huge expense and I had to juggle money and bills to pull it off.

Years ago when my middle son was about nine he took ten dollars from a friends house. I took him back and made him apologize to both parents and friend. When we were through there I drove him to our local police station. He was crying kicking and screaming the officers noticed it from the parking lot camera nad came out. I explained to them what happened and that I wanted him to be arrested (mock, but he didnt know that). Tho officer complied finger prints, cell and all. He couldnt believe that I did that to him and the officer said he wish more parents would do that. To sa the least I have NEVER had any problems with him. I had family members say I was cruel but the reality is you steal you go to jail.

As for my husband, this has been hard on him. he has zero tolerance for any deliquency and I agree with him. However, I cannot completely turn my back on my son. Although, I know he doesnt deserve any sacrafices that are made for him because he doesnt appreciate right now I am hoping that he will realize it in the future.
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Old 05-25-2007, 12:10 AM
 
464 posts, read 686,738 times
Reputation: 143
Pixie, how is your family doing and how is Daniel?
I hope things are better and he is responding in a positive way.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
T
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