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Hello to all. Well my birthday was on Wednesday. I was feeling a little stressed because the day before we had a creditors meeting for our bankruptcy court. It all went well because we didnt have any real debt only the 15k premium on our escrow from the forced insurance. Which the judge found to be rediculious and agreed on our bankruptcy as a true claim. Let me just add that it is the most defeating experience to file for bankruptcy IMO. That happened on the 8th.
On May 9th, I thought Im going to be positive. I had music on Micheal Buble. I was baking my b-day cake and seasoning skirt steak for a bar-b -q when the boys get home and my hubbie gets home from work. Simple but nice. Well as I was taking out my cake I get a call from the Miami-Dade police at my sons school. My youngest Daniel had the day before ran up to another child and "snatched" his ipod and ran. I felt like all the life was drained from my body. To say the least I felt like I was going crazy. We have been having problems with him for several months.
Well I spent most the day crying and mad. I went to take him out of juvenile detention at about 11;30 pm. I was seriously considering leaving him there until his court date but my mom and mother in law said that wouldnt be right. He is not detained at home until July 27th for court and has to abide by certain rules or he gets sent back to juvenile detention. His reasoning?? I wanted money. Doesnt everyone want money. Yeah, they do but they work for it!!!! Well I did an Alec Baldwin I called him a looser, parasite, scum and Im not sure how many other things. Do I regret it?? NO. Im at my last straw. I dont have any sympathy for him at this point. What he did was act like a common criminal and this is NOT the way I raised him or his brothers. Daniel is under psychological treatment but there is a part of me that says he knows right from wrong and this is wrong. He is being charged with a class three felony for robbery by "snatch". Should I get an attorney or stay with the public defender??
Last edited by Pixie Dust; 05-11-2007 at 06:57 AM..
Wow Pixie. Sorry all that happened on your bornday.
Happy belated one, anyway.
Hiring an attorney, you'd probably stand a better chance of getting it knocked down to a misdemeanor. Felony's are ugly stuff, but since he's a juvenile, it'll be sealed. At least I think that's the way it goes.
Public defenders are good, but private attorneys work harder because they're paid more. That's the other thing. It's going to cost you.
My brother and his ex went through stuff with their daughter, and it cost a fortune. Personally, I was all for leaving her butt in jail to think about it. That's just me.
I don't know the right answer but have friends who have suffered some of the same problems with their children from arson, to drug addiction, and chronic theft. They've told me of the things they've been forced to do. It's not that uncommon. It also happens to the very best of families.
First, you should not blame yourself if you've raised your child to know right from wrong. Second, if you're under bankruptcy you may have no choice but to go with a public defender. Third, you need to seek out free family counseling, perhaps with the help of the court.
Sometimes, as sad as it is, children develop problems that are beyond the help of family members directly, except for unconditional love. You cannot allow yourself to enable bad behavior. The best you may be able to hope for is to send your child to a special school that specializes in problems of this sort. Try to keep him out of mainstream detention centers, to the degree that you are able, and work with the courts towards placement in an alternative restrictive environment.
I also want to add that my husband who has always been supporting of Daniels dilemas has withdrawn. Although I love him dearly if he has to leave the house because fo this Im sorry to say him must go. The last hing he said was "give Daniel to the state, we cant handle him any more." I love him dearly and he has been a GREAT step father to my children. It is sad to say that our marriage will more than likley end because of Daniels selfishness. My husband is very old fashioned and a person that abides laws and he is hard woking. He cannot understand what Daniel is doing after we have tried to help him in everything. I do not believe there is light at the end of the tunnel with all of this.
Sorry to hear that. If he doesn't have any prior criminal record, I doubt that the State Attorney's Office is going to do much to him. I would hold off on an a private attorney until I speak to the state to see what they plan on offering him as a sentence. I think that if you contact the assistant state attorney who is handling the case and set up a 15 minute interview with them to explain the situation, they may be willing to help. Call the juvenile division and give them the police case number and court case number if you have it. Tell them that you want to set up an interview to speak with the lead on the case. SOME private attorneys are better that the public defender but I don't think that it's worth it. I have a friend who is a robbery detective. If you want PM me and I will ask him what the state usually offers a first-time offender who has been charged with robbery by sudden snatch. Good Luck.
I don't know the right answer but have friends who have suffered some of the same problems with their children from arson, to drug addiction, and chronic theft. They've told me of the things they've been forced to do. It's not that uncommon.
First, you should not blame yourself if you've raised your child to know right from wrong. Second, if you're under bankruptcy you may have no choice but to go with a public defender. Third, you need to seek out free family counseling, perhaps with the help of the court.
Sometimes, as sad as it is, children develop problems that are beyond the help of family members directly, except for unconditional love. You cannot allow yourself to enable bad behavior. The best you may be able to hope for is to send your child to a special school that specializes in problems of this sort. Try to keep him out of mainstream detention centers, to the degree that you are able, and work with the courts towards placement in an alternative restrictive environment.
Daniel is under psychiatric treatment for schiazoprenia/bipolar. We have been in counseling since November. We have family counseling and individual counseling. By the second week Daniel had the counselor manipulated completely sitting on her lap by the second week.
By the way Daniel was given an IPOD for his birthday, I had it specially engraved for him.
Aw Pixie! <hugs>
I know you must be a wits end. I wouldn't know what to do. Honestly, I know that if it were me.. my parents would have left me in detention for at least a day or two. They would have been too angry with me to bring me home, and it prolly would have done me some good to sit there a while.
I would say keep the public defender. As Lauri said, attorneys work harder.. but do you think that Daniel will have any appreciation for that fact? Prolly not. In all honesty, you know he deserves what he gets. You have bent over backwards for him. You can only give so much, girl..
Be strong, go with your gut, and know we are all praying for you and your family.
I also believe that you should try to stay with your husband. You need him for yourself. He's going through a lot of pain as well. You may not agree at this moment, but try to wade through it with as much love and patience as you can.
You have got a hard hand to deal with. But you know what the worst part is? Your family is too soft. You need to (here comes some seemingly-tough love, but just bear with me, ok?) realize that you're the mother. And I know you do. I know that there is tons of weight already on your shoulders. But the point is THIS:
Your son, by his own choices (and not in the least YOUR fault if you've really disciplined him growing up), has chosen of his own free will to become a criminal and a nuisance to society. Is that not true? I know you love him. You love him more than anyone else ever could. So you're inclined to be merciful. But...I can't help but wonder...is bailing him out the best thing for him?
He needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions, ok? You cannot succumb to the pressure of your two mothers. You need to show that unbeatable love by doing what is best for him, not what is perceived as "kind and gentle". You see, kind and gentle hasn't worked, Pixiedust. It may have in the past, but you said it yourself. "The light has gone out". "His blank expression...the smirk". He's done with natural affection.
I'm not going to preach at you. But Romans chapter one tells of what happens to people who have gone this far. It's not extreme. They didn't stone them or anything. That was the OLD testament. This is the NEW testament, for today. You know what they did? They did what is called "turning them over to a reprobate mind".
If you really love him, you need to turn him over to face the consequences of his actions. If he constantly has someone bailing him out, he'll NEVER learn. Please do what is best for him. You will wake up in the morning knowing that, although you miss him for right now, he is being made to face reality and to reap the sowing of his actions.
He's beyond babying now, Pixiedust.
I love you and care about you. I really, really do. I can guarantee that I am praying for you. But...listen to reason. What is it that he needs most?
Pixie, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. You mentioned that you are also going through a bankruptcy. If you cannot afford a private lawyer then stick with the Public Defender. The PD has an obligation to defend your son to the best of his ability regardless of whether he is being paid privately or by the state. Not all private lawyers are going to work harder just because they are making more money. I have personal experience with this and have worked in the legal profession for over 20 years, so I know what I am talking about. Anyway, I wish you and your son the best and hope it all works out for you guys, whatever you choose to do.
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My friend...
