Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-03-2009, 08:37 AM
 
4,253 posts, read 9,436,984 times
Reputation: 5140

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
I've run away from my kids from time to time. Most people call it going on a retreat, or "business travel." Nothing like a week away from the family to help put things in perspective.
Seriously, sometimes just taking a little time away from the problem, stepping back to get a fresh look at things can help. Gives you a little time to regroup.
I think it's normal to want to get away from a stressful situation, but you still need to do what's right for the kids too. Good luck and hang in there.
This is the most grounded response to the clearly stressful OP situation, without getting all high-horsed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-03-2009, 08:38 AM
 
3,562 posts, read 5,214,810 times
Reputation: 1861
Quote:
Originally Posted by montanamom View Post
Seriously thinking about sending my two teenagers to my ex - and disappearing where they can't find me! Anyone got so fed up they turned their back on their children?

I have relatives who had irresponsible, rebellious teens who then went on to become slacker, problem riddled adults who made life hell for these relatives well into their golden years. I'm not going to be one of them.

Anyone had to really steel themselves and let the tough love begin? Were you successful?

How are you turning your back on your kids if your asking the other parent to take over the full time parenting gig?

A lot of parents do that. I mean, a lot. One parent has the kids and the kids behavior seems so far out of control and no progress is made on that front. That parent calls the other parent and says, what I am doing is not working and its time for you to step in and parent. And they do.
Sometimes it works.

It might be helpful for you to be able to take a breather. Your not abandoning them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2009, 09:37 AM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,102,689 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by montanamom View Post
Seriously thinking about sending my two teenagers to my ex - and disappearing where they can't find me! Anyone got so fed up they turned their back on their children?

I have relatives who had irresponsible, rebellious teens who then went on to become slacker, problem riddled adults who made life hell for these relatives well into their golden years. I'm not going to be one of them.

Anyone had to really steel themselves and let the tough love begin? Were you successful?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandamonium View Post
How are you turning your back on your kids if your asking the other parent to take over the full time parenting gig?

A lot of parents do that. I mean, a lot. One parent has the kids and the kids behavior seems so far out of control and no progress is made on that front. That parent calls the other parent and says, what I am doing is not working and its time for you to step in and parent. And they do.
Sometimes it works.

It might be helpful for you to be able to take a breather. Your not abandoning them.
The OP clearly says she wants to disappear and not be found. That is the definition of abandoning her kids. Hopefully she was exaggerating, but there is a difference between giving the other parent a turn while remaining involved, and what the OP says she wants to do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2009, 12:07 PM
 
3,562 posts, read 5,214,810 times
Reputation: 1861
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
The OP clearly says she wants to disappear and not be found. That is the definition of abandoning her kids. Hopefully she was exaggerating, but there is a difference between giving the other parent a turn while remaining involved, and what the OP says she wants to do.

Say it ain't so!!!!

I am taking it as exaggeration.


Like it or not there are people that would decide that the act of dropping off her kids at the other parents IS abandonment. So, the point is that she could get away with moving them over there and not feel like she sucks as a parent. Are we clear?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2009, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,227,338 times
Reputation: 1723
I think parents need some time on their own.
It also sounds like the kids are in control. It must be so so hard as a single parent. I am married and I know it is a full time job for both of us. We are very strict but it still takes both of us to run the house.

But also we make sure that we take some time out together. recently, with all the kids at various friends houses for sleepovers, we went "clubbing" Thats what teens / young adults do. by the time we got home we were deaf and just a little drunk (Since we don't have alcohol at home except maybe a glass of champagne for toasting special events it probably only took 2 drinks to tip us over the edge) But anyway the night was a great refresher.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2009, 02:56 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,102,689 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandamonium View Post
Say it ain't so!!!!

I am taking it as exaggeration.


Like it or not there are people that would decide that the act of dropping off her kids at the other parents IS abandonment. So, the point is that she could get away with moving them over there and not feel like she sucks as a parent. Are we clear?
am I 5? no.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2009, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Western North Carolina
8,012 posts, read 10,591,471 times
Reputation: 18833
Thanks rkb0305!

Obviously, no one here has really been through a situation that can relate to what I'm talking about. I have good common sense, I know all the usual answers, solutions, etc. What do you do when all else fails? When you HAVE lost control and can't regain it? When you are being walked on and your very sanity is being tested?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2009, 04:47 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,102,689 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by montanamom View Post
Thanks rkb0305!

Obviously, no one here has really been through a situation that can relate to what I'm talking about. I have good common sense, I know all the usual answers, solutions, etc. What do you do when all else fails? When you HAVE lost control and can't regain it? When you are being walked on and your very sanity is being tested?
therapy? I don't have teens, so I don't really know what TO do. I think I can safely say that running away completely is what NOT to do. Good luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2009, 05:27 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 10,495,451 times
Reputation: 3206
Quote:
Originally Posted by montanamom View Post
Thanks rkb0305!

Obviously, no one here has really been through a situation that can relate to what I'm talking about. I have good common sense, I know all the usual answers, solutions, etc. What do you do when all else fails? When you HAVE lost control and can't regain it? When you are being walked on and your very sanity is being tested?
You don't know that nor are you offering much to go on....

What do you do when all else fails? Well, you either give up or you put one foot in front of the next and take it minute by minute.

Again, some asked what the issues where that you are struggling with...maybe they are quite complex or maybe something has been through and can offer advice or wish luck.

Give up & that's what you have taught your children. And the cycle thus continues for them...to give up...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2009, 05:41 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
16,012 posts, read 21,030,029 times
Reputation: 43421
~Your OP sounded like a vent, not necessarily a plea for serious help. A lot of people reasonably thought you were exaggerating when you said you wanted to run away. We all have moments when our kids get to us, but very few of us actually get to the point we seriously contemplate leaving for good.
Hard for people to give you good suggestions when they are clueless about the kind of situation you are in.

~If you were to take your children to your ex why would you need to disappear from their lives? What does that solve? Are you somehow contributing to the problem and you think removing yourself is a way to fix it?

~
Quote:
Originally Posted by montanamom View Post
Anyone had to really steel themselves and let the tough love begin? Were you successful?
How do you equate running away from your kids as tough love? What do you think your running away will do for them?
Tough love usually means letting the problem child suffer the consequences of their actions with running interference for them.
Are you asking if anyone has been successful at turning their kids lives around by leaving them with someone else?

Leaving for a while might be a good idea, but don't do anything rash, don't cut yourself out of your kids lives permanently. I just don't see how that would benefit them, and while it might be easier on you right now I think you would come to regret it later.
Sending your kid to the ex might be one solution but their might also be other solutions. Might depend on the problems too. Discipline problems? Drug abuse? Criminal activity? Mental health issues? If we knew more about the problems maybe someone could suggest some resources for you.
You sound like a concerned parent, otherwise I don't think you'd be here asking for opinions. You also sound very frustrated and upset and overwhelmed. Is there any way for you to take a few days away by yourself to think over your options?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:30 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top