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Old 11-07-2009, 08:14 PM
 
10,433 posts, read 6,977,183 times
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My mom took off the first 5 years of my life to take care of me so I wouldn't have to go to daycare. I can't tell you if it made a difference or not in me because I don't remember a thing about it. I think it was more for her peace of mind than for my well-being.

My brother on the other hand went to daycare and he is much more social than I am. Maybe that's what made the difference.
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Old 11-07-2009, 10:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
My mom took off the first 5 years of my life to take care of me so I wouldn't have to go to daycare. I can't tell you if it made a difference or not in me because I don't remember a thing about it. I think it was more for her peace of mind than for my well-being.

My brother on the other hand went to daycare and he is much more social than I am. Maybe that's what made the difference.
Probably just a difference in personality. My brother and I both went to daycare, and he is more social than I am. My son went to daycare for a year, and he is fairly shy... my daughter did not leave my side for the first three years of her life (literally... I was a SAHM, and she clung to my leg constantly!), but she is quite the little extrovert now.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:31 PM
 
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All I can say is you will never regret time spent WITH your children, but will most definitely regret time spent WITHOUT them...at some point or another.
I love being a SAHM!! Dont regret it!
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Old 11-08-2009, 01:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
I quite frankly all children should have a stay at home parent or at least a parent that can be home when they are home from school. This is not a debate about SAHM vs working moms it is about reality. .
Bingo. Period, end of story. Anyone who can't see the toll on society caused by 2 working parents isn't being honest with themselves.
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Old 11-08-2009, 01:25 PM
 
Location: here
16,829 posts, read 13,616,036 times
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Originally Posted by Traderx View Post
Bingo. Period, end of story. Anyone who can't see the toll on society caused by 2 working parents isn't being honest with themselves.
so, in your opinion, should women just skip college and be totally dependent on their husbands to make the money, or should they spend 4+ years and thousands of dollars to get a degree that they won't ever use?
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Old 11-08-2009, 01:55 PM
 
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Geez, even as a SAHM, I can't agree with Traderx. I know lots of women who are working full-time and raising children simultaneously. It's not always easy, but they're doing it. My own mother had a very demanding career when I was a child, and my decision to stay home with my kids was in no way a reflection of dissatisfaction with my childhood. She set a wonderful example, and my brother and I are very proud of her accomplishments.

On the other hand, I'm dismayed with rkb's implication that a college degree is worthless unless a women pursues outside employment. I vigorously disagree that a university education is wasted on a woman who stays home with her kids. Good grief!

Let's not turn this into the mommy wars.
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Old 11-08-2009, 02:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
so, in your opinion, should women just skip college and be totally dependent on their husbands to make the money, or should they spend 4+ years and thousands of dollars to get a degree that they won't ever use?
Geez, you got all that from what I said?

If you really believe the world is a better place since two working parents became the norm then we disagree. As for what you wrote, I won't even go there since it seems more like an emotional outburst than an agrument.
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Old 11-08-2009, 02:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by formercalifornian View Post
Geez, even as a SAHM, I can't agree with Traderx. I know lots of women who are working full-time and raising children simultaneously. It's not always easy, but they're doing it. My own mother had a very demanding career when I was a child, and my decision to stay home with my kids was in no way a reflection of dissatisfaction with my childhood. She set a wonderful example, and my brother and I are very proud of her accomplishments.
I never said it couldn't be done. All I said is what I said.
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Old 11-08-2009, 02:36 PM
 
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My husband and I have done it all different ways, but through it all we have always insisted that one parent be home for the children at all times.

We've done it where we were both working, but working different shifts so that while he was working, I was home... and while I was working he was home. This was the worst way! Not only were we tired all the time because we never got a break, but our marriage suffered because we hardly ever had time alone together.

We've done it where I worked and my husband was home. This wasn't actually by choice - my husband was laid-off, and so I worked as much as I could to make up for our lost income. My husband spent this time going to school, looking for jobs, and caring for the kids and playing "Mr. Mom". This was OK... but for us personally it didn't feel right. My husband and I have different ideas of what having a clean house means, as well as different ideas of what constitutes a healthy meal for the kids. I also have much stronger parental instincts than he does, so when the kids would get sick or would need help with something he wasn't always sure how to handle it, so I'd have to handle it when i got home anyway. I felt very stressed-out and overwhelmed trying to juggle mothering on top of working on top of keeping the home clean and running smoothly on top of keeping my marriage happy, etc. It was very hard. I was VERY HAPPY when my husband found a job and went back to work!

Once the kids were both in school for a full day, we tried both working during the day. I only did this for a few months, actually. I worked the hours while the kids were in school, and originally I thought this would be an ideal situation. But... then there were days the kids would get sick, or my husband would have a week off and we'd want to go out of town but we couldn't because of my schedule, etc. The housekeeping slipped because I was trying to do too much - working plus being super mom, etc. We realized that the money I was earning wasn't really enough to justify my even working, so I put in my two weeks notice and haven't worked since.

Now my husband works full-time and I'm a full time mom and wife. This has by far been the best situation for our family. And I think that's the key, really, to figure out what works best for your family. For our situation... my husband's job is pretty demanding with more than the average amount of stress, lots of travel, and often long hours and even night work. He's also on-call at least one week out of the month. It's really nice for us to have me home so that when he's home, I can be home as well. I keep the home clean and comfy and stay on top of things like the budget and bills and car maintenance and shopping and all that. I'm able to always be there for the kids. My husband doesn't have to worry about anything, unless I'm feeling overwhelmed with something or unsure about something and I can go to him and we can work things out together. It's also really nice because we're able to just up and go whenever we want to take a family trip, without worrying about working around two work schedules - just the one. We've also found that we save a lot of money this way as well. Having more time to really think about food shopping, and to do the cooking, and organize things... keep lists going, etc... and there's way less eating out... we have saved a lot of money. I'm also able to spend a lot of time volunteering at the kids schools and this has helped me to understand more what goes on at school. I know their friends better, and both our kids are even performing better at school since I've stopped working and have started being a more active and involved parent. And overall... this way is best for my husband and I because we're both much more relaxed, since we're not trying to do as much. It may be old-fashioned, the way we're doing it, but it really works for us, so we don't care what other people think.

Also, originally I was thinking that once our youngest began middle school, that I would go back to working outside the home then. But now having seen our oldest go through middle school... my husband and I are realizing that in many ways kids actually need their parents more as they get older. We're rethinking this plan, and most likely I will go to school myself but also make sure I am home when the kids are home from school. Just because our kids are older and seem more independent, doesn't mean they don't need you. They need you in different ways.
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Old 11-08-2009, 03:06 PM
 
Location: here
16,829 posts, read 13,616,036 times
Reputation: 13495
Quote:
Originally Posted by formercalifornian View Post
Geez, even as a SAHM, I can't agree with Traderx. I know lots of women who are working full-time and raising children simultaneously. It's not always easy, but they're doing it. My own mother had a very demanding career when I was a child, and my decision to stay home with my kids was in no way a reflection of dissatisfaction with my childhood. She set a wonderful example, and my brother and I are very proud of her accomplishments.

On the other hand, I'm dismayed with rkb's implication that a college degree is worthless unless a women pursues outside employment. I vigorously disagree that a university education is wasted on a woman who stays home with her kids. Good grief!

Let's not turn this into the mommy wars.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Traderx View Post
Geez, you got all that from what I said?

If you really believe the world is a better place since two working parents became the norm then we disagree. As for what you wrote, I won't even go there since it seems more like an emotional outburst than an agrument.
OK, fine. Sorry for my emotional outburst. Traderx's answer just seemed so black and white. One parent should stay home. period. We all know that it will most likely be the mom. As someone who spent 6 years and lots of money on a college education, and 10 years on my career, it is not an easy decision to give it all up. It just isn't that black and white.
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