My Almost 4 Year Old Was Nasty to Another Kid (punishment, parents, son)

[old biddie]

Today my son and his Dad were out in our neighborhood.
His Dad came back and said we need to speak to him now.
I guess what happened is that he saw a kid he did not know, and the child looked to be Indian, or, that his skin was dark, whatever the case was...
The kid said hi to mine and mine looked at him and said you are disgusting... don't look at me.
His dad deducted that this was an issue of color. His father is latino, pretty dark and I am white.
So we gave him a talking to that what he did was not right, and it's not a good thing for a person to do what he did, especially if it had something to do with color.
I am perplexed right now because we are a multi-race family, my son is in school with whites, blacks, latinos... you name it.
We don't watch tv except for movies...
I'm just not sure where this came from.

The one thing I am proud about is that if this were an issue of color, that his Dad and I addressed it right away... but I thought that kids did not see color.

Thoughts?

[Hopes]

Kids this age treat others the way they are treated.

It's not that your son is being racist. Your son might have children saying things like that to him for being darker himself.

If so, he is projecting what he experienced onto another child because he's hurt and confused.

I've witnessed this when it comes to just plain nastiness when race isn't even a factor.

A very nice child will be mean to another child after someone treated him/her meanly.

The only other explanation is that your son might be learning this from someone who is racist towards Muslim or just darker looking people.

Either way, children this age learn these types of behaviors from others---children or adults---by witnessing or being the recipient of such treatment.

It's a good thing you're getting to the bottom of it.

It would be terrible if he's learning this because someone is treating him badly and you aren't aware of it.

[JustJulia]

Not excusing the rudeness, but how do you know this was an issue of color? My son picked up that word (he said "ascusting," as in, "That's ASCUSTING!") for anything he didn't like. Maybe the kid had a runny nose or juice on his shirt or something inane.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

Not excusing the rudeness, but how do you know this was an issue of color? My son picked up that word (he said "ascusting," as in, "That's ASCUSTING!") for anything he didn't like. Maybe the kid had a runny nose or juice on his shirt or something inane.

I have no doubt the OP's child was projecting something someone said to him.

Originally Posted by old biddie

The kid said hi to mine and mine looked at him and said you are disgusting... don't look at me.

[old biddie]

Originally Posted by Hopes

Kids this age treat others the way they are treated.

It's not that your son is being racist. Your son might have children saying things like that to him for being darker himself.

If so, he is projecting what he experienced onto another child because he's hurt and confused.

I've witnessed this when it comes to just plain nastiness when race isn't even a factor.

A very nice child will be mean to another child after someone treated him/her meanly.

The only other explanation is that your son might be learning this from someone who is racist towards Muslim or just darker looking people.

Either way, children this age learn these types of behaviors from others---children or adults---by witnessing or being the recipient of such treatment.

It's a good thing you're getting to the bottom of it.

It would be terrible if he's learning this because someone is treating him badly and you aren't aware of it.

Wow! I did not even think of that! How do I find out. Like the other poster said, sometimes we parents can get confused, and it is hard to get an answer out of him because of age... parenting can be brutal.

[maciesmom]

I too fail to see where the assumption can be made that it was race related....granted it was not nice but maybe he didn't like his shirt or he was just saying something and he would have said the same thing to ANY kid who happened to be there. There just isn't enough information to know.

[*Danielle*]

I would not assume it was an issue of racism. When my kids learned that word it was used often. Regardless, it's use was out of line. I would just reiterate that is is not friendly to name call anyone and give some kind of punishment.

[Pitt Chick]

Did you ASK the child what was disgusting?

"His dad deducted that this was an issue of color" sounds like bias on the dad's part, not the kid's.

[old biddie]

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

Did you ASK the child what was disgusting?

"His dad deducted that this was an issue of color" sounds like bias on the dad's part, not the kid's.

I am hearing some good stuff here, and that is why I always turn to all of you for advice... better than a shrink!!!

I am going to revisit this, and then next time I will look closer at something like this.

Thank you All!

[phonelady61]

maybe someone at school has been saying this at school to your son and I would most especially look at the teacher . God forbid the teacher should be saying this to him or any other child . I think it is of color the way it was said . well I hope you find out.