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Drjones 96: Where as any number of children make things more dificult im only planning one and to have more later. Im sure three children take up way more time then one....I respect you and your wife for doing it though. You can have both but you just have to be willing to work for it, and you and your wife prove that each day.
But somewhere out there it levels off because you can start delegating the work to the older kids (enter the Duggers phylosophy of having older children be responsible for their younger siblings).
Drjones 96: Where as any number of children make things more dificult im only planning one and to have more later. Im sure three children take up way more time then one....I respect you and your wife for doing it though. You can have both but you just have to be willing to work for it, and you and your wife prove that each day.
how much later, and what will change in the mean time?
Here is my personal experience and observation:
I have a cousin who married at about 22 and started a family a year or 2 later. She was working, but not going to college. Her husband had a "good" job with benefits, but he didn't go to school either. They moved from crappy apartment to crappy apartment and drove crappy cars. They had 2 kids and got a divorce. So, she was a single, working, uneducated mom for many years. She depended on subsidies to pay for child care so she could continue to work. She finally got an AA, and she's now a phlebotomist (draws blood at a hospital). She lives with her boyfriend in his crappy house in a crappy part of town. Her 2 kids are teens and she has a 3rd now. Last I heard, she was still taking classes and working toward a nursing degree, but it will take years at this rate.
I went to college, graduated, got a job, got married, bought a house, went to Europe, THEN started a family. We've always lived in a nice house in a nice part of town, driven nice cars (we started buying used after the kids were born, but still nice). I don't mean luxury, I mean tract houses and Hondas, even with 2 degrees, and my husband has a Master's. Even if God forbid, I found myself single, I know I have the education and work experience to get a job and support myself and the kids.
Kids add a lot of stress to marriage, and so does a lack of money. Both of those, + being married at 19, the chances of success are slim.
If you want to have a university education, then finish school before you have children. And, if you took student loans, live simply and pay them off ASAP. Then, think about having kids.
I think it's a valid point about the potential stress of kids on a marriage; you may think that's not a problem for you, and hopefully that will be the case. I don't know if it's true or not, but I've heard that the first year of marriage and the first year after having a baby are the biggest "hot spots" for a marriage, and therefore have the highest divorce rates. Even if you fully expect never to get divorced, those numbers demonstrate some of the stress (and lack of sleep and changing finances, in the case of a baby) that is going to appear in even the strongest and happiest of marriages. Why rush everything all at once? The fact that you're young is a benefit, too; you don't have the biological time factor stress that women getting married at an older age do. It might be worth it to enjoy your first year(s) of marriage, finish up your complete degree, and then have kids. That extra two years or so could really make a big difference in your quality of life. If you could use that extra time to save up an additional financial cushion you'd also be that much further along and have one less stress to worry about once the baby comes along.
We had our first child at 19. Don't tell our families but she was planned. Looking back it was very selfish on our part to have her so young. We have been fortunate enough not to be a statistic. We are still married 16 years later, we were never on any sort of assistance, and we have a higher than average household income. We should have waited longer. It's unbelievable how much more you mature just from the age 20 to 25. There are a lot of things we did with my DD that we would never do with our other 3 kids and it is mostly due to the fact that we were more mature when we had the other 3. We were 25, 30, and 32 for the other children.
Our main theories were "we will still be so young when she is grown, and we will be young enough to take care of our grandkids", and a couple other silly ideas. Those things would have been true had we not decided to have 2 more after the age of 30. But that's the funny thing about life, no matter how much you plan or expect your life to go one way it can do a 180 on you anytime.
I think the number of people who regret having kids at a very early age outnumber the ones who regret waiting until at least 25. I haven't met one yet that regretted waiting a little longer, but have met plenty who regret doing it too soon.
Not only do I think having kids in your twenties is too young, I think getting married in your twenties is too young. With the divorce rate what it is why even take a chance on adding immaturity to the mix? I married at 30 and had my first kid at 35. It was just right for me. I did my "living" and had my freedom when I was young and could enjoy it and any mistakes I made only affected my life and nobody else's. It was perfect for me and I wouldn't change a thing. We have 2 grown kids at 28 and 26 and neither is married but both in long term relationships. If they marry or not don't care. They are educated, healthy, employed and doing what is right for them.
Regarding number of kids : a wise woman told me this years ago and it is so true.
With one you can go around the world
With two you can't get out the front door.....
We have 7 in all ranging from 7 to 47 which includes step children and two 7 year olds adopted when we were 55 and 63. Now let the flames begin...
]Not only do I think having kids in your twenties is too young, I think getting married in your twenties is too young.[/b] With the divorce rate what it is why even take a chance on adding immaturity to the mix? I married at 30 and had my first kid at 35. It was just right for me. I did my "living" and had my freedom when I was young and could enjoy it and any mistakes I made only affected my life and nobody else's. It was perfect for me and I wouldn't change a thing. We have 2 grown kids at 28 and 26 and neither is married but both in long term relationships. If they marry or not don't care. They are educated, healthy, employed and doing what is right for them.
Regarding number of kids : a wise woman told me this years ago and it is so true.
With one you can go around the world
With two you can't get out the front door.....
We have 7 in all ranging from 7 to 47 which includes step children and two 7 year olds adopted when we were 55 and 63. Now let the flames begin...
No flames here...I think it was obviously a great thing....for you.....Not everyone does that and not everyone who does that has everything work out well either.....
I actually do know several couples who got married young, had kids young (or relatively young in my book) and are thriving in their careers and as grandparents in their 50s.....so I can't say it's a bad thing, destined for failure. Depends on many things.....
Our goals are not everyone's goals and what works for us isn't for everyone. People who make different decisions can be happy.
Absolutely true; however, I also agree with the poster who brought up the maturation that takes place between 20 and 25. I married at 21 as a college student, and while my husband and I are a great match, there was a lot of conflict in the early years of our marriage that can be chalked up to immaturity and financial stress. We had our first child when I was 30 after five years of struggling with infertility. By the time she arrived, we were well established, and we had so much more to offer her. Our second arrived three years later.
One thing to keep in mind when deciding to have children is that fertility begins to drop off in women at age 27, a lot earlier than most people expect, and birth defects begin to rise after age 35.
Regarding late marriage, my social circle reflects high divorce rates for couples who waited to marry until their thirties. Those of us who married in college or shortly after are all still together. My theory is that the more "living" one does before marriage, the more independent and less likely to stick it out when things get rough one becomes.
re being able to babysit your grandkids: My mom was 28 when I was born, and I was 30 when my first was born. My parents helped with the kids from day 1. They watched them one day/week while I worked, and occasionally kept them overnight on weekends. They are not too old to do it, and they have been RETIRED and available since before my kids were born.
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. Looking back it was very selfish on our part to have her so young. We have been fortunate enough not to be a statistic. We are still married 16 years later, we were never on any sort of assistance, and we have a higher than average household income. We should have waited longer. It's unbelievable how much more you mature just from the age 20 to 25. There are a lot of things we did with my DD that we would never do with our other 3 kids and it is mostly due to the fact that we were more mature when we had the other 3. We were 25, 30, and 32 for the other children.
