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Old 01-11-2008, 08:23 AM
Location: New Jersey
1 posts, read 5,224 times
Reputation: 10


Hey there...my mom is exactly the same as yours and when I was searching for answers to the questions that you are asking.... I found this website! I will be graduating high school this year and my mom is very unreasonable... I don't know how to apply for financial aid either because I need w-2 forms and income tax and stuff like that but my mom won't give them to be and she's not going to pay for me or anything...everything you've stated is what my mom exactly is like..i cannont believe it when I read what you wrote.... if you would like to talk my e-mail is mod cut. I know what you're going through and would like to help you out even if it is just talking about it.

Last edited by golfgal; 01-12-2008 at 04:54 AM.. Reason: removed email--use Direct Message for personal contacts
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Old 01-11-2008, 09:34 AM
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,021 posts, read 20,523,664 times
Reputation: 20382
When I started college, my father woulnt give up his income info for me to apply for financial aid/grants. I was also living on my own. At the University I attended there was a non-traditional student classification which allowed me to apply without my parents income verification. Check your options with finiancial aid.
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Old 01-11-2008, 11:27 AM
Location: Da Parish
1,127 posts, read 4,448,081 times
Reputation: 985
Do you have a community college that you would be interested in attending? The communitty colleges are cheaper and if you could get a Pell Grant, you would be able to afford classes until you could find a way to pay for a larger college. Talk to someone at the college in admissions, they will help you find a way to pay for your education. Remember that the colleges make their money by obtaining students and they will be happy to help you find some kind of financial program. (Try to get as much documentation as you can that you are supporting yourself, paycheck stubs, rent receipts, etc.)

I too had an overly controling mother, and it's difficult to separate from them. It's all or none with Mom's like this, there is no middle ground. Be patient with her. She may be like my Mom who had an idea of how my life was supposed to be and no other option would be "right." She has mellowed with age and we now joke that, "the nice little old lady you see here is not the woman who raised me." Please remember that it took years for us to get here. Don't spend too much time worrying over it, things will work themselves out; it's just a matter of time. Best wishes.
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Old 01-11-2008, 05:02 PM
3,647 posts, read 9,313,632 times
Reputation: 5427
When I was 17, my mom kicked me out. For the next 3 years, I made less than what the Feds considered the minimum for supporting oneself, but somehow, I made due.

When I signed up for trade school (ITT), the financial counselors had a solution... they sent my mother a letter, requesting her tax forms. Here's the thing... 3 things could happen, as they explained it. If she sent in the forms, but didn't claim me as a deduction, then the govt considers you self supporting. If she did respond and claim me as a deduction, as I could prove I'd been paying rent and filing taxes all along, I'd have a nice lawsuit and the IRS would be VERY interested in her. The 3rd option is what we dealt with... she didn't respond to the first letter and refused to sign for the 2nd (they sent them certified). At that point, letters from friends and other relatives attesting to my independent state were accepted and I qualified for grants and loans.

Actually, I hadn't seen my dad in nearly 18 years at that point. (Something else I needed letters from family for) Shortly after this, I did find then contact him... he gave up his tax forms easily and we now (16 years later) are very close.

So... happy ending.

She may have made the first 18 years of your life a living hell, but she doesn't have the power to do so anymore... unless YOU give it to her!

Good luck!
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Old 01-11-2008, 11:40 PM
Location: Florida
278 posts, read 818,856 times
Reputation: 170
Originally Posted by Drouzin View Post
Do you have a community college that you would be interested in attending? The communitty colleges are cheaper and if you could get a Pell Grant, you would be able to afford classes until you could find a way to pay for a larger college.
Great idea! Here's the link for Pell Grant information:

Federal Pell Grant Program
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Old 01-12-2008, 05:00 AM
20,793 posts, read 52,393,704 times
Reputation: 10476
I would set up a meeting with your high school counselor and let him/her know what is going on and that you want to go to college. He/she should be able to help you get going on applying for aid--which you need to do NOW as the deadline is very soon. He/she will also be able to help you find a good college, get you set up with their admissions people and what ever else you need.

Once you get into college you can live on campus. Most colleges have summer work programs so you can remain on campus and have a job for the summer. That gives you a place to live for the next 4 years until you graduate. I would also look into private schools since they have more aid to offer. You should be able to get a full ride to school through grants, scholarships and loans.

GOOD LUCK and good job getting yourself out of a bad situation. Just a word of advice from someone a lot older then you with a mom that sounds a lot like your mom, sometimes you just have to break off ties with your parents. Not all people are good parents and as hard as it might be you will be better off in the long run if you limit contact with your mom. She isn't going to change and will continue to try to manipulate you forever.
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Old 01-12-2008, 05:41 AM
Location: NJ
9,206 posts, read 20,221,533 times
Reputation: 6307
Originally Posted by kelseygill View Post
I have recently moved out of my moms house. She was very controlling and i was scared to death of her. I had so much anxiety and stress living with her because I always had to walk on egg shells. Anyways she is not too happy about me moving out before I graduate. I will be recieving an honors diploma and I have straight A's. i plan on goin to college but she says she wont pay or sign as my legal guardian. I know I can get a grant but does she really havr to sign papers in oder for me to go? I also would like to know some of my legal rights as an 18 yea old [in Alabama]. SHe tries to tell me what I can and cant do still and threatens to call the police.
People are mentioning using the parents tax returns.. From what I remember.. did this back in 2003 or so.. it's called the FAFSA, and from memory, everyone had to fill it out.

From memory, the FAFSA determined if you were eligable for any grants. If you click on determine your dependancy status, the 1st question Were you born before January 1, 1985 (question 48)? - clicking yes gives you the independent, while clicking no makes you a dependant.

Next is loans. Think about how much college is going to cost and how are you going to qualify for those loans?

For my son, he went to the Art Institute of Philadelphia.. from what I remember, I did the FAFSA.. since my hubby (not my son's father) made too much, he did not qualify for grants. We then went to the financial office of the college, where the loan was put in my son's name, with myself co-signing. From there I went to court with my Ex (his father) and was awarded him paying 75% of my son's loan, while we paid 25%. Now, from here there was another loan.. it's now through Sallie Mae that my son was responsible for.

For one year at the Art Institute, we (as parents) were paying over $500 per month, my son was left with a balance of about $8,000. We paid on the parent loan for almost 2 years IIRC for 3 semesters (fall, winter, spring)

I don't know if this will help you or not, but if you are planning to go to college, there is a lot to think about. You need to find out if you can register without your mother filling the forms out. If you can't, you need to figure out how to do that.

You mention your mom, what about your dad? Are they divorced? Is there child support? Is there anything written in the divorce about your dad paying part of the college? If there is child support, your mother will continue to get it while you are a student. Will she hand it over to you if you're not speaking? As a college student, you'd really need that child support to help you out.

BTW, when my son was going to college, I'd looked into transfering the child support to his name since he was legally an adult & was told no. As long as he was a student, it had to continue in my name. I ended up having the direct deposit changed to his savings account & would transfer it to his checking as he needed to use it.

If there is a divorce agreement with child support / college, your mother will have to prove that you are a student. You can actually get her on this one as leverage.. since you are legally an adult, you can deny her access to everything at the school, thus she will not be able to continue to get child support & you will then be emancipated that way... in NJ anyway
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Old 01-13-2008, 07:17 AM
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,725 posts, read 59,631,443 times
Reputation: 26840
You are emancipated. You are an adult.
Your mother cannot make you do anything, nor is she required to give you anything, pay for anything or sign anything for you. She does not have to allow you to live in her home. If you live in her house, you have to follow her rules, or you have to leave. She can call the police if you refuse to leave. otherwise, you are on your own and your mother no longer legally has any say in anything that you do.

If you live outside your parents home, most schools will consider you for financial aid without considering your parents income. some will not unless you go through a process to prove that you do not have any support from your parents. Some simply will not consider you for financial aid without considering your parents income under any situation. There are a lot of colleges, do not go to one of the colleges that will not accept you as independent.

It will be incredibly difficult for you to get through college without support of your parents. Difficult is not impossible. You may have to attend school every other year and work full time every other year. You will have to live in poverty.

Even if it takes you eight or ten years, you will still enjoy this time of your life and look back on it with favor. Do not be in a hurry to start the job that you will be doing for the next 30 - 40 years. There is no rush. there is nothing wrong with taking 8 years to get your bachelor degree, or ten plus for a masters.

Keep in mind that your mother may have some wisdom that you are not yet aware of. Many people in their late teens and twenties thing that their parents are idoits, or psychotic or something and then ten years later realize that their lives would have been much better if only they had listened.
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Old 01-14-2008, 07:30 PM
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 13,151,232 times
Reputation: 4865
You are 18. You are an adult. I command you to ROAR like an adult.

You don't need your mother's "approval" for college or grants. Some loans may require a person with great credit, but not all do. Just remember, she cannot do anything to stop you now. In fact, from the sounds of it - don't talk to her until she apologizes for her actions.

I know I'm getting a one-sided story, but you need to take a stance.

Figure out what you're going to do. Make it happen. If you want to enter the work world and take your chances, go for it.

If you want to get into a career that requires college, look into living at the dorms. Work while going to school. Just do not look back on "what could have been."

I took the big "leap of faith" when I was 18 and moved out of my father's house. Best decision I've ever made. It's a hard, but rewarding path.

Many years down the road, there will be plenty of stories you can tell your kids (if you have any) or friends. There will be plenty of things you will look back on and say, "was I really that dumb."

But in the end, this is your path to take. Never stray away or go back the way you came.
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Old 01-24-2008, 10:22 AM
Location: Wake Forest
934 posts, read 933,428 times
Reputation: 326
I moved out of my moms house at 18 (before graduating high school).

Speak to the schools financial aid department. They will know what to do.
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