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All I can say, my dad teaching me how to fight back was one of the best things he ever did for me.
I was always picked on by older kids because my family was poor, and because I was bused to a different school in the district. It was amazing how people left you alone after you clocked someone.
I agree with the No Tolerance policy, but, at the same time, enough is enough. My dad always told me if I got in trouble at school for bullying, that I'd be in trouble, but, if I got in trouble for defending myself, that there would not be any punishment and that he would be proud of me.
I have a 6 year old in public school, and while I see your point about not seeing what the whole story is about this hitting.
Giving 6 year olds an excuse of "they don't have great impulse control" is really way too generous.
I do believe that is a very low standard. How can they be expected to behave with a minimal sense of civility when you give them an excuse not to?
Aim higher folks. The kids can do it.
I am not in favor of letting the kids hit back immediately, my example was to show the OP a case where giving his child free reign to hit someone back at that age, is not a good idea.
I do think at older ages giving them the ability to stand up for themselves in bullying situations is a good idea, but only after trying to go through the proper channels and not getting anywhere.
Thank you all for your responses. The feedback is invaluable.
I have pondered all night and have come to the conclusion that:
(1) I am furious with the school for allowing this situation to continue. This child's history of "violence" should be enough for them to do something. Remove him from the class, give him an aide, something anything. I have a call in to the Principal and will update when I hear back from him.
(2) I think that allowing my son to hit back is the right thing to do. However this is the last resort. He must try to avoid this kid and any other trouble at all costs. I have told him that he will get in trouble at school for retaliating but I will back him 100% as long as the "fight" was completely unprovoked by him. If I ever hear of him hitting first there will be heck to pay.
Hate that this issue even came up at 6 years old...
My daughter was in 7th grade last year. Another student (a boy) was constantly giving her playful slaps on the face. (this went on the year before also). She complained to the authorities that be...they said to ignor him since he was just be playful and just tapping her lightly....well one day early last year she was sitting in the lunch room...he came up and gave her the light slap...she said that it was just the last straw for her, stood up and punched him square in the face, very hard, blood everywhere. She was suspended for 2 days, the boy for 1 day. I gave her a high five but told her to never ever throw the first punch!
Thank you all for your responses. The feedback is invaluable.
I have pondered all night and have come to the conclusion that:
(1) I am furious with the school for allowing this situation to continue. This child's history of "violence" should be enough for them to do something. Remove him from the class, give him an aide, something anything. I have a call in to the Principal and will update when I hear back from him.
(2) I think that allowing my son to hit back is the right thing to do. However this is the last resort. He must try to avoid this kid and any other trouble at all costs. I have told him that he will get in trouble at school for retaliating but I will back him 100% as long as the "fight" was completely unprovoked by him. If I ever hear of him hitting first there will be heck to pay.
Hate that this issue even came up at 6 years old...
I am glad that you are teaching your son to defend himself. So many parents worry about their child getting in trouble that they lose sight of the fact that getting in trouble in kindergarden is not that big a deal, but being a man who cannot defend himself is a big deal.
I think that you should be honest with your son. Tell him that you believe people have the right to defend themselves, and that *you* support his self-defense, and that you will support him even if his teachers do not. Clarify though, that even though you support him, there may still be consequences at school he may face.
So, I have a 6 year old in public school Kindergarten. There is one boy in there who has major issues. Always hitting, spitting in other kids faces etc. Probably needs an aide with him but that hasn't happened yet. Today at drop off for school this kid comes up to my son and hits him. (I wasn't there but it was described by other parents and the rest by his teacher who was outside also.) My son hit him right back. The other kid grabbed my kid's hair and kicked him. According to the teacher - my son went crazy and started punching him in the stomach until he let go and then they had to pull them apart.
The teacher gave them both the "no hitting lecture" and sent the other kid to the principal. At pick-up the teacher came to talk to me to tell me what happened. She said when she told my son no hitting, he said "my Mom told me if someone hits me I should hit them back." (Kinda wish he had kept that to himself - lol.) And I did say that. But the teacher said if he gets hit he has to find a teacher and tell them. I said my son has a right not to be abused and I will not tell him that he shouldn't hit back because that is just not real world. I feel like he needs to stand up for himself and put a stop to that BS now or it can go on for years. The teacher said if this happens again she will send him to the principal as well.
What do you think? Should I be telling him two wrongs don't make a right and all that good stuff? Or just back him up in the Principal's office?
I think you are 100% correct in letting your son stand up for himself. My mother did the teacher thing with me, and I swore that if I had sons, (I have 3) I would tell them if at any time anyone ever hits you, to hit them back, and MAKE IT HURT.
No, I am not playing with this, not even 1 iota...
I got picked on in school, and I would never want my sons to be picked on either.
I also would have told the teacher to never mind my son, talk to the other kids parents, because he obviously has a problem. Also, if she would have sent my son to the principal, like she said to you, trust me that I would be in that school faster than you can blink an eye.
Yes, you guessed it. I am one of those bitchy parents.
I tried the tactic (as a kid) to ignore them and they'd get bored and go away. WRONG! It only egged them on knowing I wasn't going to stop them. I really regret that choice now. I thought I was doing the right thing back then in fighting my urge to lash out, when I probly should have done just that. Don't allow your kids to be pushovers.
Bullys only made me grow into someone that became introverted, distrusting and made it harder for me to get to know people. Once the trust is established, I was usually fine, although I still shy away from large groups and strangers.
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Yes I do tell them to hit back.
