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My son is in kindergarten and has been getting reprimands for hitting. From what I have learned it sounds pretty common out on the playground...pushing, hitting etc.
I always tell him not to hit no matter what. Usually some kid pushes him or takes something from him and this gets him angry he says. Sometimes he gets hits first. I have a meeting with the teacher soon. The teachers don't seem to make a big deal out of it. My son is usually laid back and respectful when I see him play with kids. But since I don't know what he is like at school, I am guessing it is usual 5 y/o stuff and harmless. He can get in more trouble just for talking when he is not supposed to.
I just hope I don't find out my son is the bully!!
I agree that kids being bullied do need to stand up for themselves but in the OPs story the kid doesn't sound like a bully but rather a kid with emotional issues - Punching and spitting in front of parents and teachers. I'm sure your son has had the "some people are special..." talk and this child might fall into that category, in which case your son would need to show a little more patience - especially in a school setting.
So, I have a 6 year old in public school Kindergarten. There is one boy in there who has major issues. Always hitting, spitting in other kids faces etc. Probably needs an aide with him but that hasn't happened yet. Today at drop off for school this kid comes up to my son and hits him. (I wasn't there but it was described by other parents and the rest by his teacher who was outside also.) My son hit him right back. The other kid grabbed my kid's hair and kicked him. According to the teacher - my son went crazy and started punching him in the stomach until he let go and then they had to pull them apart.
The teacher gave them both the "no hitting lecture" and sent the other kid to the principal. At pick-up the teacher came to talk to me to tell me what happened. She said when she told my son no hitting, he said "my Mom told me if someone hits me I should hit them back." (Kinda wish he had kept that to himself - lol.) And I did say that. But the teacher said if he gets hit he has to find a teacher and tell them. I said my son has a right not to be abused and I will not tell him that he shouldn't hit back because that is just not real world. I feel like he needs to stand up for himself and put a stop to that BS now or it can go on for years. The teacher said if this happens again she will send him to the principal as well.
What do you think? Should I be telling him two wrongs don't make a right and all that good stuff? Or just back him up in the Principal's office?
Yes, I told both of my boys to never start something but if somebody else does to finish it and finish it good- as in the perpetrator is not getting up too easily or is more worried about their bloody nose or broken teeth instead of picking on people. That way.. no one else will ever mess with you. There are kids who need to be taught lessons the old fashioned way in order to get it through their spoiled brat heads. IMO ********** politically correct sissy society we are becoming and boys need to be allowed to by boys which entails fighting if necessary and not being sissies and running to tell on the bully. My oldest son had an incident in the 5th grade where this kid was teasing him and refused to let him go to the bathroom and my son really had to go. The kid was a year older too. He persisted and persisted and so much as pushed my son away from the bathroom. My son did the right thing and beat the kid up good which he deserved. No one ever picked on him again. He did not get in trouble because the other kid started it and there were several witnesses.
So, I have a 6 year old in public school Kindergarten. There is one boy in there who has major issues. Always hitting, spitting in other kids faces etc. Probably needs an aide with him but that hasn't happened yet. Today at drop off for school this kid comes up to my son and hits him. (I wasn't there but it was described by other parents and the rest by his teacher who was outside also.) My son hit him right back. The other kid grabbed my kid's hair and kicked him. According to the teacher - my son went crazy and started punching him in the stomach until he let go and then they had to pull them apart.
It sounds like the first child has an undiagnosed problem, which you must realize since you mention the fact that he should have an aide.
Your son hitting back seems to have caused the situation to escalate past anything that had happened before.
My opinion is that you should explain to your child that he does have the right to defend himself, but that the school has a no hitting policy that he is required to abide by.
You should also contact the principal and/or teacher to discuss this other child hitting your child, and ask what they intend to do about it. If his behavior is known to the school, they may already be in the process of evaluating him. If not, your call may push the issue.
Yes, I told both of my boys to never start something but if somebody else does to finish it and finish it good- as in the perpetrator is not getting up too easily or is more worried about their bloody nose or broken teeth instead of picking on people. That way.. no one else will ever mess with you. There are kids who need to be taught lessons the old fashioned way in order to get it through their spoiled brat heads. IMO ********** politically correct sissy society we are becoming and boys need to be allowed to by boys which entails fighting if necessary and not being sissies and running to tell on the bully. My oldest son had an incident in the 5th grade where this kid was teasing him and refused to let him go to the bathroom and my son really had to go. The kid was a year older too. He persisted and persisted and so much as pushed my son away from the bathroom. My son did the right thing and beat the kid up good which he deserved. No one ever picked on him again. He did not get in trouble because the other kid started it and there were several witnesses.
+1
Sounds like what my Dad taught me. 1) Don't ever run from a fight - walk away if you can, but if you run it'll follow you. 2) Fight to win, not to be fair. 3) Once the other guy is down, make sure he can't get back up. 4) Make sure his friends see it happen.
If the kid in the OP is 'special', then he either needs to be completely removed from the situation (classroom, school) until he learns to control himself, *or* there should be no consequences against anyone who beats him down in response to his agressive actions.
I'd never be angry at my child for defending themselves but would be upset if they didn't.
Wow - good question. I agree with you - I tell my son never to hit first - he wouldnt - its not his way, but because of that I also tell him hit back and defend himself because I can see him being a pushover - we are a very mellow, lowkey family so he is not very accustomed to some of the more boisterious, aggressive conduct I see from his peers. I dont know what I would do. You have recieved good advice here. Im with Scarmig and Momma Bear.
Just to clarify, I didn't mean to sound like I'd ever advocate an 'open season' on this kid. I just firmly believe that if he has been talked to about his behavior and continues to hit-and-spit on others, perhaps experience (in terms of consequences) is a better teacher than words. His parents need to be involved in this also. The zero tolerance policy needs to be focused on agression, not defense.
I agree that kids being bullied do need to stand up for themselves but in the OPs story the kid doesn't sound like a bully but rather a kid with emotional issues - Punching and spitting in front of parents and teachers. I'm sure your son has had the "some people are special..." talk and this child might fall into that category, in which case your son would need to show a little more patience - especially in a school setting.
Wait. Because someone else is "Special" implying that means they are better than someone else... MY CHILD has to have more patience? No, the SPECIAL child needs an aide or to be in a SPECIAL class for SPECIAL other children. They can go beat on someone else, not my kid who isn't doing anything but breathing their air. I am not saying a child that has an emotional problem doesn't have problems. I am saying labeling them as "Special" doesn't mean they don't have to follow the rules like everyone else about keeping their hands to themselves. Teachers are there to assist with this problem. Force them to follow through with their jobs. My child is just as special as everyone else's and I expect them to be treated the same way.
Wait. Because someone else is "Special" implying that means they are better than someone else... MY CHILD has to have more patience? No, the SPECIAL child needs an aide or to be in a SPECIAL class for SPECIAL other children. They can go beat on someone else, not my kid who isn't doing anything but breathing their air. I am not saying a child that has an emotional problem doesn't have problems. I am saying labeling them as "Special" doesn't mean they don't have to follow the rules like everyone else about keeping their hands to themselves. Teachers are there to assist with this problem. Force them to follow through with their jobs. My child is just as special as everyone else's and I expect them to be treated the same way.
This is one of those gray areas where it can be hard to choose the right path. When my DS was in first grade they had a boy who did have autism in his class that behaved in a similar way. Different days he would lash out at different kids. My son could handle it without stress, he realized the kid was different, a friend of mine who had a child in the same class had a son who was more sensitive, he was scared to go to school and went to great lengths to avoid going because he could not handle the stress this boy put on him. She fought for a good 4 months with the school to make some other arrangements, either get her child out of that class or get the other child out. It was very difficult to hear of the struggles her son was going through and how tough it must of been for him.
The child was finally put in a special school because it was obvious that he was not ready for the mainstream class. This took 4 months. This was not the childs fault and probably not even the parents fault but more likely the school's and the red tape game that they like to play. Should this boy have been pummeled every day because of the school's inability to correctly place him? Or if it was his parents insisting that he was normal, should he be punished for their blindness?
Tough question, in my mind. It isn't right that other kids should be scared of going to school because of a "special needs" child, but I don't think it's right either that the "special needs" child be punished for something that he cannot control. I don't think it would hurt if we teach our kids a little patience and tolerance for other people who aren't operating with the same tools that we are.
I have a meeting with the principal tomorrow, we'll see what she says. I have had it with these bullies. My son came home again crying again missing his old school (we moved last year) where the kids were nice. I am at a loss what to do, and really just want to tell the principal to get these kids of my son's back, or they will be decked by my son and he won't be the one to blame....
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