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Old 12-09-2009, 11:15 AM
2,893 posts, read 4,926,487 times
Reputation: 1964


I was supposed to wait until 14 to hermit in my room?

I must have missed the memo.

Old 12-09-2009, 12:27 PM
Location: Alaska
5,347 posts, read 15,035,696 times
Reputation: 3952
Many kids today have pretty much everything they need in their room, so why should they want to leave it? Our kids were the same way with our youngest reaping the benefits his older brothers got (he got them earlier in life). He probably spent the most time in his room and did his socializing at school. He survived the period and is now away at college and enjoying it. I'd be more worried if she was never home. We had one like that, but he turned out alright too.
Old 12-09-2009, 12:42 PM
Location: Boerne area
706 posts, read 1,397,375 times
Reputation: 857
If her behavior has not changed - no drop in grades, not more moody than before, etc - then I agree with others on here. Back in the stone age when I was a teen I spent my home time in my room. I just didn't have much to say to my parents, and my mom and I argued all the time. This was before internet - I didn't have computer or tv in my room.

I have 2 boys, 9 and 6. Our policy is no tv and no computer in bedrooms. We have a central place for all computers. This fits my comfort level with computers and the internet. If I did allow access to computers in the bedroom I would not have webcams. Again, that is my comfort level. I like that you keep the door open, and that she doesn't seem to mind you visiting.
Old 12-09-2009, 01:23 PM
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 10,959,362 times
Reputation: 1691
Originally Posted by momoftwins95 View Post

I am the mom of 14 year old twins. A boy and a girl. My daughter likes to stay in her room and text, listen to music, go on the computer and hang in her room. She comes down and we'll talk for like 10 minutes then back up to her room. I ask her if she wants to watch a movie with us and she says no. I've asked her if she is sad, etc and she says she is fine. She just likes to hang in her room. If I ask her to go shopping, she'll come with me. She sometimes goes to the mall with her friends. She'll sometimes go to a friends house. She does have a trip she is going on during April vacation with the school and she wants to go. She's a good kid. She gets A's and B's on her report card and she already knows, as of right now, she wants to go to Berkley College of Music. She is taking guitar lessons. When she does come down she talks a little and laughs a little. I try to include her in what I do. Like make supper. Make cookies. I ask her if she wants to play a game and she says no.

My question is: Is this kind of typical for a 14 year old girl? I know other kids are outgoing and always out.

In a way, I like her home because I know where she is. We live in a small city and there are trouble areas with gangs and shootings so I like to know where she is. I'm just worried that I'm not doing a good enough job raising her. I don't know what else to do to get her to hang out downstairs.

Thanks in advance for your replies.
You just described me as a kid. I pretty much lived in my room. If I didn't occasionally come out to use the bathroom or eat nobody would ever know I was home.

But it's not like she's agoraphobic....she will go to the mall and do other things.

When kids get to their teens they are in the pre-adult stage of their life. They think they are ready to leave the nest (although they still have a lot to learn). But because they can't leave just yet they do what they can to separate themselves from their parents. In your case she is just hanging out in her room.

Our oldest daughter is 12 and I'm starting to see that she's doing the same thing. If she had her own computer she may not ever come out when home....
Old 12-09-2009, 01:30 PM
Location: It's my island!
53 posts, read 37,160 times
Reputation: 33
I wouldn't let a child that age have a computer in their own room. It should be out in a family area where it can be easily monitored.
Old 12-09-2009, 02:51 PM
Location: Pearland
438 posts, read 1,129,006 times
Reputation: 305
This sounds exactly like my daughter. She is 17 and a senior in high school. I sympathize with you because I also worried so much about my daughter; but not so much anymore. My daughter makes straight A's and is always studying/doing homework. In between that she accesses Facebook and talks to her boyfriend on the phone. She is a great kid, very insightful and likes quiet and being alone.

I often schedule "dates" with her to get her out of the house. She doesn't like to spend money and rarely asks for anything. When I take her shopping with me I always encougage her to pick out something she likes (usually clothes or shoes). Sometimes she finds stuff but if it costs too much she won't even let me buy it. She seems quite independent and smart about life in general. When we go out together she talks more but still is not real talkative. I think this is just the way she is.

She has 2 really good friends but isn't able to spend much time with them because of her school load. She is a vegetarian and cooks all of her own meals every night. She is very active in her school and is known as the"Quiet one".

After worrying constantly, I came to realize that she is just fine. I did this after having many conversations with other important people in my life. And I think she is well on her way to being a very successful adult. I couldn't be more proud of my oldest child.
Old 12-09-2009, 05:42 PM
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
21,325 posts, read 54,433,903 times
Reputation: 20699
We recently went through 14 with three different girls. All were the same to some extent. I required them to get involved in at least one active club or activity at school (one refused so I put her on the Crew team until she chose an activity by herself - and NO. Anime club is not an activity(it is a vegetivity)). I woudl go talk to them every evening and often in the early mornign before leaving for work. Otherwise, they cam out when the wanted company or conversation.

2 of them are now 18 and perfectly normal (as normal as 18 year old girls get). The other is 15.5 and stilla cts the same way as your daughter for the most part. We add that she has permaently attached IPOD earphones that have grown to her head and apparently cannot be removed. But she comes out some and we talk to her then. She has to come into the kitchen/dining room for meals. We do nto allow food in bedrooms.
Old 12-09-2009, 09:21 PM
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,008 posts, read 37,908,928 times
Reputation: 45797
I was like that as a kid and I didn't have a TV, computer, cell phone etc lilke kids have now. We had radios, record players and family phone, books.

And I hated it when my mother would try to come in my room to talk. I felt it was my intersanctum and when she flopped down on the bed like one of my friends it really irked me. I knew what she was trying to do and from the perspective of a Mom now I understand why Mom's feel they need to do that. But I had to interact with people all day, fight with my brother after school and deal with squabbling parents when at home. I just wanted to be left alone.

And my friends were the same. My own grown kids did the same thing and I tried to respect them. As we all know before they turn 16 and can drive you have some time to try to talk to them when you are carting them all over the place. But after they get their license, You only see them when they are hungry or need something. Sounds pretty typical to me.
Old 12-10-2009, 12:28 AM
47,578 posts, read 55,147,231 times
Reputation: 22052
It's very normal.

At that age, they'll either be gone much of the time with their friends or spending time in their rooms and you should prefer the spending time in their rooms. Only some kids are still at age 14 like they were at age 8 or 10.
Old 12-10-2009, 12:43 AM
6,774 posts, read 11,719,450 times
Reputation: 7885
My 17 year old is doing the same thing except the computer is in our office and
his video games are in the playroom.

I hate all the time my husband and son spend on the TV/Computer.

I was always strict when the kids were younger about the time that was allowed to spend on TV. Now he is almost 18 . Truth is I am just tired of keeping track of it all and figure by 17 1/2 if he keeps good grades and good friends I can relax some about how he spends his free time.

Senior year is the hardest to me ..They are almost independent but
still need watching.
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