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So how come you cannot be buddies with a teacher or an adult? I have a couple adult friends(they are friends with me, not my parents), I love having them as friends, and I call them by their first names, isn't that okay?
If it's about courtesy and manners as opposed to respect and authority, that's fine, I'm all for it, but often I feel like the titles are used to create gaps and add a sense of authority. Personally, I don't think kids are that stupid, we can tell who is in charge without special names
Of course it is okay for kids to have adults as buddies, and I personally do not have a big problem with you calling them by their first name, with the understanding that if/when someone *does* need to be responsible and in charge, it's the adult (we hope!).
I realize that kids are smart enough to know all this without formal titles, and sometimes adults, in their misguided notion that they need to be cool or liked or whatever, act more like the kids than the kids themselves.
I agree with summers19 that Mr/Mrs does not necessarily promote respect, the respect from others is all in how you carry yourself and live your life.
Having moved to the South, I kind of like this new (for me) custom of Miss First Name/Mr First Name, it is simply a courtesy and nothing more, but then I am 52 years old and came to terms with being called "Ma'am" a long time ago.
Of course it is okay for kids to have adults as buddies, and I personally do not have a big problem with you calling them by their first name, with the understanding that if/when someone *does* need to be responsible and in charge, it's the adult (we hope!).
I realize that kids are smart enough to know all this without formal titles, and sometimes adults, in their misguided notion that they need to be cool or liked or whatever, act more like the kids than the kids themselves.
I agree with summers19 that Mr/Mrs does not necessarily promote respect, the respect from others is all in how you carry yourself and live your life.
Having moved to the South, I kind of like this new (for me) custom of Miss First Name/Mr First Name, it is simply a courtesy and nothing more, but then I am 52 years old and came to terms with being called "Ma'am" a long time ago.
If it's courtesy how come it isn't being reciprocated? lol!
Miss+first name is interesting, I've never really done that except with a ballet teacher I once had. But over here it's always Mrs. Last Name and that's just sooo distant. I mean people can look like a "Karen" or a "Cathy" or whatever, but nobody really looks like a "Mrs. Paglialunga" or some crazy last name like that! Names are so complicated, I used to think they were just there to get somebody's attention, but apparently not.
Oh get this, we have this neighbor, and she allows my brother to call her by her first name, and she makes me call her Mrs._____. So apparently these courtesies are used to play favorites as well
i live in california, and i was never taught to call anyone ma'am or sir. neither was i taught to put mr/mrs last name, unless it was a teacher. but ever since i started highschool softball, respect seemed to be a big thing here. especially with the coaches, so i address the coaches with, yes/no coach or yes/no ma'am or sir. they dont require this but i think they do appecaite the fact that i respect them enough to not talk back.
Hmmm I don't know I am in my mid 30s & I rarely if ever called adults Mr. or Mrs. when I was a child. I went by their preference of course out of general respect for them as a human being but I was raised that respect is earned by everyone regardless of age. So no I was never raised to give blind respect to someone just b/c of their age. Ironically, I was always considered one of the best behaved children in my class & my manners were constantly complimented. But my parents spent time teaching me to treat others as I would like to be treated (ie empathy) vs. just handing out respect even if that person doesn't particularly deserve.
My kids address most of my friends as "Ms. Firstname." A couple of them they call by their first names only. Their aunts and uncles, they call Auntie Firstname/Uncle Firstname. I used to think being called Ms. Michelle was very awkward and odd, but now I'm used to it.
I do have to say that being called just "Michelle" by children does not bother me at all. I do'nt think that adding the "Miz" in front of my name necessarily indicates respect, only habit, and that calling me simply "Michelle" does not indicate disrespect, only habit. I have children in my Sunday School class who call me "Ms. Michelle" and yet are still disrespectful, try to talk over me, disobey, etc. The ills of society are not going to be solved by requiring children to use a title when addressing adults, but by requiring real respect, if that makes sense.
...and how would you prefer to be addressed by young children and teens?
Do you think that the seeming lack of respect that children and teens have these days for adults and adult authority stems in some part from their view of us as peers?
I do realize that these days, adults don't want to be addressed as Mr/Mrs. I also realize that a lot of the problems with disrespect stems from the home environment.
Would bringing back some "old fashioned" manners work in today's society?
I prefer to be addressed by my first name. Respect has nothing to do with what name one chooses to be called by.
I grew up in the south and "ma'am/sir" were required, and they still linger to this day whenever I talk to most people. I've apparently made a person or two uncomfortable because I answered with "ma'am/sir". Teachers were always Mrs./Ms./Mr. LastName. Friends' parents were the same. True aunts/uncles were Aunt/Uncle FirstName. I see that there are a number of people who add the title aunt/uncle to their close friends. I've never seen this in use except when it's a "CLOSE, close friend", as in that particular individual is staying the night and the parent tells his/her kids that this is aunt jane or uncle john. I would personally never call someone by a title that they do not fit, nor would I instruct my child to call a non-related individual aunt/uncle.
Of course, this could be just me. Some many moons ago, I had to explain on numerous occasions to both DS and his babysitter (an adult w/ kids of her own) why I felt it inappropriate for MY son to be calling HER "mom." He did it simply because she constantly told him to do so, and she honestly didn't see a problem instructing him to because "everyone else is doing it." :\ Miss FirstName I actually could have handled. Mom? Sorry, but you didn't labor for 24+ hrs without any meds after being induced and you didn't go through numerous other complications just to get him born. So no, sorry, but you don't get that title. I'm thankful for your assistance. I understand you try to be 'close' to all your charges, but if you want another kid, go conceive/adopt your own.
Of course, this could be just me. Some many moons ago, I had to explain on numerous occasions to both DS and his babysitter (an adult w/ kids of her own) why I felt it inappropriate for MY son to be calling HER "mom." He did it simply because she constantly told him to do so, and she honestly didn't see a problem instructing him to because "everyone else is doing it." :\ Miss FirstName I actually could have handled. Mom? Sorry, but you didn't labor for 24+ hrs without any meds after being induced and you didn't go through numerous other complications just to get him born. So no, sorry, but you don't get that title. I'm thankful for your assistance. I understand you try to be 'close' to all your charges, but if you want another kid, go conceive/adopt your own.
That wouldn't sit well with me either. I can't believe that babysitter thought it was "ok" for your son to call her mom! "everyone else is doing it?" I've never heard of THAT before!
BUT I have to say once my daughter starts dating...all the boys had better learn to call me Ms. last name, with respect and a little fear in their heart...
I have to say-this line just clicked with me. I don't care one way or the other about being called Mrs. Whatever. My dog's vet insists on using Mrs. and he's like 5 years older than me. It makes him happy, so I've stopped telling him to call me by my first name. Personally, when somebody says I turn to see if my MIL is standing there. LOL. But I like the thought of my daughters' future boyfriends calling me Mrs. and not getting too comfortable with my first-name. I like this a lot! LOL.
Anyway-my daughter calls close friends of ours aunt/uncle. All others are Mr./Mrs. unless that person requests something else. The exception is her daycare provider who she calls by a nickname of her firstname, and the mothers/fathers of the other kids there are Mommy Debbie/Daddy Tom, etc.
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