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I can understand your friend not wanting to hurt her child. There are some that would never be a good influence in a child's life and might do more harm than good.
At the time, it was just easier for her to say he was dead rather than explain that he left. She was probably afraid that the child would want to look him up someday.
I have a friend who was told her father was dead, however, her mom told her the truth just before she (the mom) died of cancer. My friend was then married, had 2 children of her own and could understand her mother's choices better as an adult then. Her mother did tell her that her dad left one night and never wanted to be found or contacted. (She never heard from him either).
Sometimes, in a family, too much is said. Because your friend made that decision, she made it knowing all the facts. It sounds like the child may have been spared some arguments and I personally feel knowning that the father left could have some effect on the child's self esteem.
She told me she wished her mom had done the same thing. She said it was always hard to shake that unwanted feeling.
She certainly didn't id her friend now, did she? I'm sure if I met the friend, I wouldn't know it was her the OP posted about. Would you?
Thank you. That's why I posted it here. No one knows me or my friend. I can't talk to any friends. Not even ones that she does not know because she is a friend. I was just put in a difficult position and wanted to vent. Now her secret is my secret. I'll keep it for her because she is a good friend. I may not like it, but I know why she did it.
Why do you think that? Is it because you think they'll find out? That's what I'm worried about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by upsetmama
She told me she wished her mom had done the same thing. She said it was always hard to shake that unwanted feeling.
I think at some point she should tell her son herself. I think when a parent does something out of love, adult children will understand. Now if she would have done it because she hated the guy's guts then it would be another story. This boy is a lucky guy because he has a mom that loves him so much.
The kids will eventually find out. They always do. The anger and hurt over being lied to by their mother will almost surely outweigh the pain they would have experienced from having an absentee father IMO.
My best friend's dad also wanted nothing to do with her. To make matters worse, he acknowledged all his other kids (he has 4 or 5 by at least 3 different women). It kills her that her dad wants nothing to do with her. Fortunately, her dad's sister is a wonderful woman and she has tried to include my friend in as much as the family as possible. Her dad will not show up at a family gathering if he knows she'll be there.
In many many ways, I can see how her life would be better if she thought he was dead. If it weren't for her dad's sister being a wonderful aunt, I don't think she would have missed out on a thing. The sting of rejection by a parent is terrible, especially if they find out he's built another family and stuck with them.
I wouldn't lie to my kids, but I can totally understand the mom's point of view.
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Probably why...
