What age do you start.... (support, parents, wife, son)

[allisonguru]

What age do you start handing out Apartment guides to your adult children? Ours is Twenty and contributes to the household in NO WAY WHAT SO EVER. He is going to school and working almost full time, but i am at my wits end with him. He does nothing around the house, except eat, shower, laundry,etc.....Once in a while he will take the trash out, but needs to be asked. He is a Stepson to me (had him since he was eight) and i think Momma tends to protect him a bit much. What should i do???

[Pitt Chick]

So he is in school, works almost full time and does the laundry.
When does he have time to do much more?

I'd let him be at home as long as he is in school... beats paying room and board.

[suzie02]

Originally Posted by allisonguru

What age do you start handing out Apartment guides to your adult children? Ours is Twenty and contributes to the household in NO WAY WHAT SO EVER. He is going to school and working almost full time, but i am at my wits end with him. He does nothing around the house, except eat, shower, laundry,etc.....Once in a while he will take the trash out, but needs to be asked. He is a Stepson to me (had him since he was eight) and i think Momma tends to protect him a bit much. What should i do???

Hey, at least he does his laundry. A lot of college students I knew saved that for whenever they went home for a weekend. I even had a college roommate whose mother came to our apartment to clean her room.
I have to agree with PP, as long as he is in college and getting decent grades I wouldn't ask him to move out. Regarding your home he should clean after himself if he doesn't do that then I would have a talk with him.

[NCyank]

It sounds like he's pretty busy now. If there are specific things you want him to do I'd make up a list and give it to him. Of course your biggest hurdle may be getting you and your wife on the same page. That's the first step.

[Hopes]

I wouldn't hand out apartment guides until he has finished college.

If he's working almost full time AND going to school, he has a busier schedule than parents who merely work full time.

It sounds like he doesn't have much time to do anything else but eat, sleep, shower and do laundry while at home---especially when he needs to fit studying in too.

I'd just be thankful that he is doing his own laundry without being asked and taking out the garbage when asked.

[TexasBlonde]

Probably not until he finishes college.

[NY Annie]

Sheesh, he has 2 fulltime jobs - school and work. He should still be responsible for himself, his laundry, his room, his meals. Beyond that, I say give him a break. I speak from experience, as a mother of 2 sons and 1 stepson.

IF, however, he is making a mess in the kitchen and expecting you to clean it up, no way - he needs to be held accountable for HIS MESSes.

You've got a good kid, he's in school AND working; be supportive (yet don't turn into a floor mat, either).

[maciesmom]

I agree with the other posters....if he is in college and working and cleans up after himself and occasionally helps out....that seems pretty normal to me....Now, if he were 20, not going to school just working and spending all his money and free time sitting in the basement on xbox expecting you to do his laundry, cook and clean for him, then you'd have a problem. If he is motivated holding a job and going to school, chances are he is looking forward to moving out as much as you are looking forward to him moving out.

[Kibbiekat]

I agree. As long as I was in school, my parents let me live with them. I mean, if he's 30 and still hasn't graduated, that's different. 20 and in school living rent free sounds fine to me.

[Hopes]

When my son turns 20, I will be thrilled if he is like your stepson! I couldn't be more serious. This is a huge concern of mine right now.