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I think that HAVING BEEN A CHILD once, qualifies all us childfree folks to have an opinion.
If I had EVER even thought - even entertained a notion - about behaving like the OP's son behaves, I would have been smacked so hard, so fast that I would not have known what hit me.
I was taught to RESPECT my parents and my elders, a concept which appears to be sorely lacking in child rearing efforts these days.
20yrsinBranson
blissfully chidlfree
You have no idea what it's like to be a parent until you are one. It's a lot more complicated then you think.
I don't know if I am over reacting but I feel like my child is heading down a bad path and I don't know how to turn him around.
When at day school (which he's been attending since age 1) he seems to do really well. At least we do not hear about any outbursts or any major issues. We get the same story when he is with Grandma.
At home it is the complete opposite. He is always yelling out demands, "I want something to drink," "I want to watch a movie," etc... He only says please when we remind him to do so. My husband and I try hard not to do any yelling but I have to admit lately we have broken down and yelled when we cannot take his tantrums any more. If he does not get his way he screams at the top of his lungs and begins throwing things and trying to hit us. I have tried time-outs, taking toys away and even just calmly sitting down with him and talking to him about it not being okay to hit or throw things and I try to get out of him what is wrong but he only says, "because."
The mornings are the worse. I am not usually witness to this as I am usually gone by the time my husband and my son get up. My husband tells me that every morning our son throws a massive fit about not wanting to go to school. He screams, throws things, hits, calls names, "stupid daddy". My husband has a hard time getting him dressed and out the door on time. He says our son just screams constantly "I don't want to go to school, I want to stay home."
I am at the end of my rope already. I can't stand to see our son crying and so upset, but at the same time I cannot let him get away with being so disrespectful. What can I do? What should I try? Please I need the advise.
First you need to take a deep breath. I would suggest that you talk to your pedi. He knows your baby and he can also let you know what your son is doing that is right for his age development. Plus he can possibly suggest some books or sites, I didn't read every post on here so I am sure there are others recommended too.
Also, your son is 3 keep that in mind. Try to remember he doesn't really KNOW what STUPID means. He mostlikely heard the word somewhere and just repeated it, it got a response from daddy so he kept saying it. maybe? let him stay 3 for a while! it's a nice age. (even tho you don't think so at times )
Your son sounds like a 3 year old, I think. He easily gets frustrated too, and things in the morning mostlikely don't go his way either. Maybe he wants to sleep later, or maybe he wanted to watch tv, but he didn't get his way and so he's aggravated?
Maybe some morning you can call in sick? OR maybe on a Sat or sun you can start getting him ready for school, and when he says he doesn't want to go to school, but before a temper tantrum, you can say, "ok lets stay home today" (he won't know it's Sat or Sun). Let him get his way some times.
As for the tantrum things, I agree with not giving in. You have to stand your ground! Tell him NO. and that the tantrum isn't going to work, but then that's it. walk away and don't keep going back, don't keep talking to him or trying to reason with him. He understands NO, now you need to teach him that NO means NO even when you don't want it to. But every time that you go back and start talking to him, or explaining it to him, he gets his hopes up again. So just don't do it. say NO, if you need to put him in his room, do so.
I personally don't agree with the spanking or swatting or pinching. I have seen too many adults go from the Disapline spank or swatt to the abuse side of it. I don't understand the whole ..you teach your child not to hit you or other people by HITTING them??
I wish you luck, and I am sure you already know this will pass. 4 is coming! Enjoy 3 it only happens once and it is priceless, frustrating and a joy!!
By the way, kids are always different with other people. Everyone would tell me how wonderful my daughters were and I would say "WHO are you talking about??" but now I can see it with my grandson and he is only 2. He is very different around his mom. LOL
I'm sorry, but I don't feel sorry for anyone who lets a 3-year-old control them. When I acted that way, it wasn't for very long because my parents would spank me. I didn't care about the *reason* I should or shouldn't do something, but a spanking, THAT I understood.
I'm sorry, but I don't feel sorry for anyone who lets a 3-year-old control them. When I acted that way, it wasn't for very long because my parents would spank me. I didn't care about the *reason* I should or shouldn't do something, but a spanking, THAT I understood.
Seems like he has some pretty serious anger issues. Probably does not appreciate being abandoned every day of his life since he was a year old. Have you considered being a parent? Staying home and teaching him how to be a human being instead of a product of an institutionalized system.
20yrsinBranson
Im no fan of children myself, Branson, but I do believe you're being a bit harsh here. There ARE families that MUST work to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. Ive been told that children are not only difficult, but expensive creatures to raise. There is the future of the family as well as the kid's to consider (college funds, etc)...there arent alot of people I know of that can easily provide those things with just one income, especially if the parent is a single parent.
There are also women out there with personalities like mine that would go INSANE if stuck in a house all day with a child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by omigawd
Of course there are children who enjoy being in day care and there are many who do not. When I see the kids at the day care place near my job crying "no mommy (or daddy), I want to stay with you" or "I'm tired, I don't want to go" or things like that, it breaks my heart. The OPs son is very obviously acting out because of the daycare situation.
My post wasn't meant to be a working parent vs stay at home parent since I AM a working parent and have always been a working parent. My post simply points out that you have choices and if your child is in such a state about going to day care, maybe you should rethink your choices and make necessary changes.
Question (And I mean this in a respectful manner, as those that HAVE children would know better than I on this subject)
Why would someone alter their life so drastically based on the whims of a 3 year old, simply because said child hated/didnt want to go to daycare?
It seems to me that this would be a "Im the adult, you're the child. You're going to daycare whether you like it or not" situation. Not a " Oh, he's crying every time he goes...maybe I should quit my job" situation.
Perhaps its a bad comparison, but if I need/want my dogs to do something and they resist, they still end up going/doing it anyway one way or another. They know I love them, but the message is clear: Im the boss, you're not. You'll do as I say, one way or another.
Is it not possible that parents let their love/emotions get in the way of whats best?
Are you Kidding!
Seriously?
I was spanked when I was a child and when I had children I decided not to carry on the tradition. There are consequences to actons that all children can understand. You cannot reason with a toddler. The fact that you have allowed the behavior is unfortunate. There are cases that temper tantrums are a real concern and need to be delt with professionally. But from what I read it sounds like a child with no consistent discipline. It's time out time. And I mean in the room, and with further behavior, the toys come next. He needs consistency and you also need to find out if he demands things like this in the daycare and stop that behavior as well. You are truly doing your son wrong by allowing this type of behavior. Kids don't need punishment, they need discipline.
Question (And I mean this in a respectful manner, as those that HAVE children would know better than I on this subject)
Why would someone alter their life so drastically based on the whims of a 3 year old, simply because said child hated/didnt want to go to daycare?
Because they are your children and you love them and you want them them to be happy and want to do what you feel is best for them and if they are crying for you daily you will start to question whether or not the decisions you have made are really what is best for them and for your family as a whole.
Quote:
Perhaps its a bad comparison, but if I need/want my dogs to do something and they resist, they still end up going/doing it anyway one way or another. They know I love them, but the message is clear: Im the boss, you're not. You'll do as I say, one way or another.
Is it not possible that parents let their love/emotions get in the way of whats best?
Yes that is a bad comparison (I have dogs btw). What is best is not always crystal clear. IMO, love and emotions should get in the way when it comes to raising a child.
I have only read a few responses so far, but, in addition to what others have said, DO NOT give him anything if he doesn't say please. Do not reward the bad behavior. Ignore the tantrums. Walk away. When you put him in a time out, walk away and ignore him. Set a timer for 3 minutes, and do not respond to him or give him any attention while he sits there.
I agree! I don't really understand why childless people hang out in the parenting forum.
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