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Old 05-26-2007, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Tennessee/Michigan
27,998 posts, read 46,408,665 times
Reputation: 19403

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PARENT - Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I
don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!


POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop


JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work
in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends and frequent
24-hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive
camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports
tournaments in faraway cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.


RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until
someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and
be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in
case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not
someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets,
and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars, and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for
clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an
embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half
million cheap plastic toys and battery-operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality
of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.


POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

If you are lucky, you may be promoted to the position of
Grandparent. Of course, you must still retain and fulfill
all the responsibilities of Parent while assuming the new
title and job responsibilities of Grandparent.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on
a continually exhausting basis.


WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them!

Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the
assumption that college will help them become financially
independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.


BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays, and no stock options are
offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for
personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you
play your cards right.
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Old 05-26-2007, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
1,950 posts, read 4,663,181 times
Reputation: 2247
Lets see... I am a parent and have mastered most but not all.

Willing to be hated (mastered than one) Seems that its lasting longer than when the need for money arises ! LOL (my son is turning 18)
Yeah, never mastered the "bite your tongue", don't think I will master that one. (Did I mention my son is turning 18?)

Well I guess not mastering only 2 of those, I must be doing alright !!!
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Old 05-31-2007, 02:02 PM
 
743 posts, read 2,039,899 times
Reputation: 236
Also add: Must be able to pray and curse often (silently, of course), sometimes simultaneously
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