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I think she isn't "hosting" but offering use of her home for a dinner because it is conveniently located and she has the room. I think it sounds like a great idea and one in which the kids will enjoy an inexpensive evening as it is typical to go out to dinner anyway prior to HS dances. The alternative is finding somewhere that can hold 20 people and is affordable. $10/pp is extremely reasonable for dinner. I don't think it is rude at all since everyone would have paid for dinner anyway. I would never have expected another family to foot the bill for dinner for 20 regardless of their circumstances.
I don't know about your HS, but at our HS there are only 2 dances per year (except Prom which is separate since it is limited to jr/sr). There is Homecoming in the fall and a Winter Ball ("Sadie Hawkins" style) in Feb. That's it. Both are formal dances. So kids dress up (no gym shoes, boys are to be in dress pants, dress shoes and ties and girls in dressy dresses....). Kids do go out to dinner before these events - $10 is a bargain....
I think she isn't "hosting" but offering use of her home for a dinner because it is conveniently located and she has the room. I think it sounds like a great idea and one in which the kids will enjoy an inexpensive evening as it is typical to go out to dinner anyway prior to HS dances. The alternative is finding somewhere that can hold 20 people and is affordable. $10/pp is extremely reasonable for dinner. I don't think it is rude at all since everyone would have paid for dinner anyway. I would never have expected another family to foot the bill for dinner for 20 regardless of their circumstances.
My point is that I would have gladly footed the bill. It would have never occurred to me to ask others to pay. That's why I wouldn't have embraced the idea when I heard it. I would have been perplexed. Because I wouldn't ask that of people, I would have been thinking---why? At first, I'd think it was rude. Then it would occur to me that the family can't afford to do it, and I would offer to do it instead. I'm just being honest about how I would view this and how I would respond.
As for it being typical for teens to go out to dinner prior to a regular HS dance, I don't think that's true. Many parents have posted in this thread that they wouldn't want their children to make a big deal out of a normal dance. It's not homecoming. It's not the prom. Teens who have jobs and drive go out to dinner before routine type dances, but it's not typical for 9th and 10th graders---at least not where many of us in this thread live.
When I was in high school, every once in a while I'd announce (usually out of the blue and without my mother knowing about it) that there would be a party at my house after a football or basketball game. This was mostly announced on the Friday of the game or the day before. It always involved anyone in our band (about 75 kids) who was interested in coming.
Within a couple hours of putting the word out, I would have a mental list of what everybody would be contributing. Sloppy Joes, chips and drinks ended up being our menu and, knowing what was needed, when others asked what they could bring, I would say a pound of hamburg; or a package of rolls; or a bag of chips; or a can of Manwich; or a bottle of soda, until I knew everything was covered.
My mother would cook it all up as things rolled in and we ate until we were stuffed. No one ever brought in more than one thing and we always had plenty to eat.
Cost to each: Maybe $2.00.
Since we lived on the south end of a very large school district (meaning a lot of territory), everybody carpooled.
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As for it being typical for teens to go out to dinner prior to a regular HS dance, I don't think that's true. Many parents have posted in this thread that they wouldn't want their children to make a big deal out of a normal dance. It's not homecoming. It's not the prom. Teens who have jobs and drive go out to dinner before routine type dances, but it's not typical for 9th and 10th graders---at least not where many of us in this thread live.
Maybe you were responding before I added the second part of my post...
When I was growing up there were "routine" dances...My kid's HS - there are not. There are 2. They are both formals. So yes, there are tickets to be bought, corsages and boutonniers and dinner. I haven't seen limos or tuxes or that kind of thing except for prom but the rest? Absolutely.
Maybe you were responding before I added the second part of my post...
When I was growing up there were "routine" dances...My kid's HS - there are not. There are 2. They are both formals. So yes, there are tickets to be bought, corsages and boutonniers and dinner. I haven't seen limos or tuxes or that kind of thing except for prom but the rest? Absolutely.
Here too. The local high school has two dances each year, a Winter Ball in January, and the prom. Winter Ball is semi-formal and EVERYBODY arrives in family cars. Prom, of course is formal. Winter Ball is just dancing at a rented ballroom and snacks. Prom is pulling out all the stops.
Just because this Mom has the room and is centrally located DOES NOT mean she should have to feed all the kids. That is ridiculous to even think she has that duty. The very fact she is undertaking all the logistics of this venture, including arranging the catering, wear and tear of her house, plates and cutlery, napkins etc is a very generous offering.
Also most kids would not want their parents including in this evening. So I don't agree with inviting everybody to be there for the whole evening. After all, the point of these things to to teach kids how to behave while AWAY from their parents.
A mini van caravan seems like a good solution for transportation.
And I would never let as bunch of highschool freshmen completely be in charge of an evening like this and all the logistic involved. Maybe be on a committee but never be completely in charge. I doubt they would think of tip for the driver and other important things.
We had two semi-formal dances (Valentine's Day, Homecoming, both on equal level, formality-wise) plus the prom, and yes, it was typical for kids to go out to eat at those two dances. Not usually anything especially fancy, but usually something that did involve ordering from a waiter, not at the counter. I never saw any limos, but everyone lived fairly near the school (no 10 mile drives), so the rides weren't a big deal and there wasn't the logistics issue that is in play here. I don't think there were any informal dances, or at least if there were I never went to any. The "regular" dances (the two mentioned above) involved girls wearing nice dresses, boys dressing up (suit jackets and ties, if I remember right), corsages, and feeling like an adult because we were at a restaurant without our parents. The dinner was the highlight of the evening, actually; the dance itself was just the excuse to dress up and go out to eat. I think dance tickets usually ran about $8-$10, so not that much more than the cost of a movie at the time. (this was mid to late '90s) Now that I think about it, we did have a Sadie's dance, too, but that also involved dinner. Not anything fancy -- I remember going to a local pizza place -- but something more than just eating at home with the family before heading off to the dance. $10/dinner is not exactly making a big deal out of anything. It would add up if you did it all the time, but it's not "fancy," either, at least not in most parts of the country. It's just a step up from fast food.
I agree that if the OP was hosting the dinner then she should pay, but I don't think it sounds like she is hosting. She's just allowing the kids to use her home as their venue, rather than having to rent a space elsewhere or try to find an affordable restaurant that would take such a big group.
When my kids were frosh and needed transportation to dances they just formed smaller groups and the parents split up the driving. Limo's were for Jr Prom/Sr Ball only. Fortunately after frosh year my daughter always dated guys with cars, and my son didn't bother going to dances until it was time for the two formals with limos.
Just because this Mom has the room and is centrally located DOES NOT mean she should have to feed all the kids. That is ridiculous to even think she has that duty. The very fact she is undertaking all the logistics of this venture, including arranging the catering, wear and tear of her house, plates and cutlery, napkins etc is a very generous offering.
Also most kids would not want their parents including in this evening. So I don't agree with inviting everybody to be there for the whole evening. After all, the point of these things to to teach kids how to behave while AWAY from their parents.
A mini van caravan seems like a good solution for transportation.
And I would never let as bunch of highschool freshmen completely be in charge of an evening like this and all the logistic involved. Maybe be on a committee but never be completely in charge. I doubt they would think of tip for the driver and other important things.
I agree 100% with your post. Especially about having the kids totally in charge. My son and his friends usually run things by a few moms and we make sure everything is ok. The limo they took was arranged by the other mom, included a tip and she did not make the arrangements until she had the money from all the kids.
I also agree that the point of these formal dances (we only have formal dances here) is for the kids to have a social event WITHOUT parents hovering over them. I wouldn't dream of intruding on my son's night out with his friends, especially since underclassmen only get one shot at it here (homecoming).
Plus I think Hopes is missing that the other parent is not hosting a party, she is simply offering her home to the kids as a place to gather. If a parent offers her home as a gathering place simply because it is more convenient for the kids to gather there as opposed to a restaurant she is not hosting a party. We haven't faced that issue as our homecoming dance included a meal in the ticket price. Our kids simply gathered at another person's house to take group pictures.
I did not think the limos were out of control because it is common around here for homecoming (which is held far from where many of the kids live) is a once a year occurrence. We don't have other, less formal dances here so I assumed the OP was discussing a once a year type happening.
I agree 100% with your post. Especially about having the kids totally in charge. My son and his friends usually run things by a few moms and we make sure everything is ok. The limo they took was arranged by the other mom, included a tip and she did not make the arrangements until she had the money from all the kids.
I also agree that the point of these formal dances (we only have formal dances here) is for the kids to have a social event WITHOUT parents hovering over them. I wouldn't dream of intruding on my son's night out with his friends, especially since underclassmen only get one shot at it here (homecoming).
Plus I think Hopes is missing that the other parent is not hosting a party, she is simply offering her home to the kids as a place to gather. If a parent offers her home as a gathering place simply because it is more convenient for the kids to gather there as opposed to a restaurant she is not hosting a party. We haven't faced that issue as our homecoming dance included a meal in the ticket price. Our kids simply gathered at another person's house to take group pictures.
I did not think the limos were out of control because it is common around here for homecoming (which is held far from where many of the kids live) is a once a year occurrence. We don't have other, less formal dances here so I assumed the OP was discussing a once a year type happening.
Someone gets it.
Yes, I offered my home since they were already coming here for pictures. They were running ideas for dining past their parents but nothing fit everyone or even most. Some ideas my daughter had for dining out I told her not to mention as they would be too much for some. Then I finally just said, "why don't you just see about having dinner here with everyone after pictures and it can be brought in." They all liked that idea as it would be a lot more fun than sitting in a restaurant and not being able to converse as much and interact. So far every single parent has been, "YES!!!!!!!!" and more than willing to help pay for their kids share and help out or provide something. I CAN afford to host a "dinner party" if that was indeed what I was doing but that is not the case with this scenario. This is no different than them all going to a banquet hall or such and picking a set menu to be served and them having to pay their fair for it. Or should the banquet hall foot the bill since they offered up their facility as a place for them to eat???
If I were indeed hosting a TRUE "dinner party" for either my daughters friends or my own then invitations would have been sent out and I would be footing the bill. I do know the difference and I can easily afford to do such for even a much larger crowd.
They only have the 2 dances a year plus prom that is only for seniors. They had Homecoming in the fall and now this winter dance. Both are formal but no tux for the guy. This dance is being held off school property so it is costing a bit more than Homecoming. I now remember our school having dances on Friday nights after the football games if it was a home game. Those were very informal and most did not even have a "date". Everyone just kind of went after the games if they wanted to go and hangout.
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At first, I'd think it was rude. Then it would occur to me that the family can't afford to do it, and I would offer to do it instead. I'm just being honest about how I would view this and how I would respond. 
