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Old 02-01-2010, 10:03 AM
 
2,786 posts, read 9,106,138 times
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My son is in Kindergarten and their are 26 kids in his class.
We have gotten about 2 invites to parties per month.
Not only do we not have money to be buying 2 presents a month for kids we don't know, but we also feel that kid parties are a bit of a waste of time/money. (we don't have one for our children, only family parties as we have a large family and we take our kids on a trip somewhere with us as a special treat yearly.)
Do your children attend their classmates parties?
I was THINKING of only allowing him to go to the parties of the kids that he talks about all the time (there are 3 of them) because I know those must be the kids he likes and is friends with the most. That way he can attend some but not all.
Is this a good idea?

My son was invited to a bunch in preschool and we declined them all as I thought 3 and 4 was a little young for a bday party.
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:27 AM
 
Location: The Big D
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Sadly, some schools put out some thing saying that a kid must invite everyone in their class. This was debated on this forum awhile back. I'm totally against such a policy as my kid is not friends with everyone. I'm paying for the party NOT the school. I think it is rude to invite a ton of people just to get gifts. And many other reasons. Depending on the party my kids might have as few as 3 or as many as 15 that they invite. Well, teenager had about 40 on her guest list but she put it down as a "part" and not a "birthday party" so she would NOT get gifts and it was at our house. The younger one only had 2 friends come spend the night and then we went somewhere the next morning w/ them for her "party". So it would be hard for every kid in her class to come to a birthday party. And no, my kids do not attend every single party they get invited to. They do try and attend those that are their friends.
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:33 AM
 
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If we didn't have something to do or go I would let them attend yes. If you can't afford a present though I can understand you not letting them go.
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:39 AM
 
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I'm editing this to say - that you should do whatever you feel is best for your family and not feel anything bad at all for it.

Personally, I don't think we've ever turned a birthday party down unless we were going out-of-town or had something else going on... so yes, we've let our kids go to total strangers birthday parties so long as our kid knew the birthday kid and I spoke with the parents on the phone or in-person prior to the event. Often, too, if they were total strangers to us I requested to stay at least a little while so that I could feel comfortable leaving our kid at the party. You know what? Doing that - I made new friends.

It's like Forest Gump and the bus driver, you know? Know we aren't strangers anymore.

As far as gifts - here's something I started doing in the past when we were dirt poor, and it worked so well that we still do it: stock-pile presents.

Sometimes our kids are given presents they already have, or that they don't really care for - those go, unopened, into the stock-pile.

Sometimes a store is having a really good sale on footballs, basketballs, barbie dolls, etc and maybe I have a coupon - added to the stock-pile.

Sometimes we're at the thrift store and I find a completely new, unopened toy for a dollar - stock-pile!

Presents are actually a lot easier, I think, than a lot of parents seem to think. Any boy will be fine with a Nerf Football. Anything doll or crafty is usually a great gift for a girl. You keep a few of these things in your stock-pile and you're set for the next birthday party invite.

Lately, my stock-pile has been used and used again! I don't know what's up with parents these days... but three times in the past two weeks I received a phone call invite to a kids birthday party THREE DAYS before the event. I find that really rude, to be quite honest, but luckily we had the stock-pile of gifts so we were able to go without having to stress over the gift.

Gift cards are good to stock-pile for older kids, btw, too.
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,873 posts, read 23,136,786 times
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I don't think there is a right or wrong here. You have to do what is best for your family. Kindergarten and the early elementary years do tend to be saturated with birthday party invites. I would personally just choose the ones that were kids your child actually plays with and stick with inexpensive gifts. I cannot imagine people expecting to receive elaborate gifts from a schoolmate. OTOH, if you can afford it and your child would enjoy it - nothing wrong with saying "yes" and attending....Just be sure to RSVP either way!
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
1,142 posts, read 2,507,317 times
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Well, not everyone has extended family to throw parties with so a party is the only way for some families to share kids birthdays with others. You are not obligated to have your kids attend any parties, but I take my kids to parties so they can show they care about their friends. I've been to parties where few kids showed up, and the birthday child was hurt by that. Also, refusing to attend any kids birthday parties makes your child look a bit like he/she is well, snotty. Sorry, but it does. I knew a mother like that and you can bet I would not have my kids at any of her kids parties.

When my kids get an invite, I usually ask them if they'd like to go. If they are close with the child and see them frequently, we go. If a child is just inviting other kids to look popular and get more gifts, we tend to avoid those. My kids know the difference so I leave it up to them.
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Old 02-01-2010, 10:48 AM
 
235 posts, read 448,618 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I don't think there is a right or wrong here. You have to do what is best for your family. Kindergarten and the early elementary years do tend to be saturated with birthday party invites. I would personally just choose the ones that were kids your child actually plays with and stick with inexpensive gifts. I cannot imagine people expecting to receive elaborate gifts from a schoolmate. OTOH, if you can afford it and your child would enjoy it - nothing wrong with saying "yes" and attending....Just be sure to RSVP either way!
Agreed. Now that my older son is 6.5yrs I let him decide if it's a party he wants to attend. The # of invites he's received has gone down considerably now that he's in elementary school. My 3 year old seems to be the one getting lots of invites. We rarely attend parties he's invited to because I think it's too young for "friend" parties that include the whole class. I do make an exception for those few kids he is close with.
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Old 02-01-2010, 11:14 AM
 
Location: here
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we prioritize. We had one month where I think we had 7 parties between both kids. 3 were the same day! If we don't have anything else going on (no REAL reason to say no) then I let them go. I've declined b-day parties in favor of family activities before, especially if it is not a close friend.
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Old 02-01-2010, 12:53 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,050,336 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by highway29south View Post
Well, not everyone has extended family to throw parties with so a party is the only way for some families to share kids birthdays with others. You are not obligated to have your kids attend any parties, but I take my kids to parties so they can show they care about their friends. I've been to parties where few kids showed up, and the birthday child was hurt by that. Also, refusing to attend any kids birthday parties makes your child look a bit like he/she is well, snotty. Sorry, but it does. I knew a mother like that and you can bet I would not have my kids at any of her kids parties.

When my kids get an invite, I usually ask them if they'd like to go. If they are close with the child and see them frequently, we go. If a child is just inviting other kids to look popular and get more gifts, we tend to avoid those. My kids know the difference so I leave it up to them.
It doesn't make the kids look snotty, and it doesn't make the mother look snotty. It makes them look like they have some sense.

It's ridiculous to invite an entire class for a birthday party. What is the purpose? To have so many kids and equally as many presents? To see who is the most popular and gets more kids than the others?
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Old 02-01-2010, 12:57 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,066,225 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
It doesn't make the kids look snotty, and it doesn't make the mother look snotty. It makes them look like they have some sense.

It's ridiculous to invite an entire class for a birthday party. What is the purpose? To have so many kids and equally as many presents? To see who is the most popular and gets more kids than the others?
how about to be polite so no one feels left out when the kids inevitably talk about it at school??
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