Parents raising 16 y.o's

[kelly3120]

so I'm gonna jump in here as a 25 yr old sister of a 16 yr old.
My brother was spoiled( i think so) while we were growing up and now the rules are hard to follow as a 16 yr old.
we sure did do chores ...more then I thought necessary, but I was housed, loved, educated, home cooked meals,etc, so i learned to keep quiet and stay low key
.
My brother had a huge fight w/ my parents last weekend and its starting again this weekend. I've told him both weekends that I can't save him and that he needs to learn to work things out. I have also approached my parents and told them flat out they are being a little werid and crazy and officially pissed them off. I hope they ground me from my mortgage payment. HA! I told them, I think they are relaying their messages wrong and need to make sure the kid feels loved no matter what. What a jerk of a child I am to confront my parents.
My bro told me tonight that my mom asked if he cleaned his room and he said "yeah, go look" ad I said "wrong, it is ...."yes, mom, I did, come look and tell me if I did it correctly". That eliminates the power struggle. I also told him that he needs to be quiet unless spoken to because he's 16 and they can't keep their mouths shut( I didn't say that part to him). I told him to do his chores right when he gets home and then offer chores. keep the momma happy!
I told him to call me when he's frustrated, instead of keeping the anger built up(16 yr old angry boys are not fun!!!) to pray alot and just hang low. He back talks alot, so we are working on that BUt my problem w/ all of this is ...my parents were young when I was 16, I had two sibs my age to bounce things off of and didnt' feel so alone in the world of 16 yrs old. ....so that's all the ideas I have. I've offered to take him on weekends, but then he gets grounded and no go. He's working on it though.

I truly think they need to be so grounded from step one that they are consistent and comfortable by age 16.
Also, they need to be listened to BUT they talk so damn much that we sometimes wanna say "shut up for ten minutes' ...but that is just kids!!!

He's very lucky and very special to all of us. I keep engraving that in his mind! We all love you no matter what you think, but you msut learn to follow rules. Me and my other sibs are taking as much care as we can.

[ayannaaaliyah]

Originally Posted by ready2move

I agree with theqbaby. I never feared my father I respected him. He was the parent, I was the child. I looked up to him. Many people that are in their 20's now come from an instant gratification era....Ipods, computers, cell phone, always having to have it now...... Parents's that maybe gave in to things because they were a little bit busier trying to make a better life for their children, giving them too many choices. Sorry, "because I said so", worked for me, whether I agreed or not. There are rules whether you are 5, 10, 20, or 50. My child is 18 and I say child, because he will always be that. I do not dictate his life, but I will always try to guide him in the correct way. We are equal as in we are human beings, trying to make the most of our lives, but in terms of parent/child, he will never be my equal, nor will my boss be my equal.

well said

[kelly3120]

Originally Posted by ayannaaaliyah

well said

but there comes a time where respect towards the child is needed!
LIKE .... I'm 25 and my Mom calls for help it needs to be "If you have time could you please help us a little" ....NOT "we need help come help us" ....ummm, I'll(I've) say(said) no to that. I respect my elders and parents especially, but there comes a time when some type of respect needs to come my way. Not equality but respect of my space, husband and life. don't' treat me as your equal, but sure as hell don't treat me like your 12 yr old.

There's my thoughts!