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Old 08-09-2007, 03:29 AM
 
Location: Orlando Florida
1,352 posts, read 5,680,499 times
Reputation: 409

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Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy View Post
We have a 7 & 8 year old. Everytime he is fresh, I would say ; can you repeat what you need to say in a different way. If he is fresh today, you cant hold his punishment until Sat ; you need to punish him right then and there and follow thru on it immediately ; like, no dessert,if he has a friend over, send the friend home, Take toys away, maybe take special time away.

For a little advice, it needs to be handled with now otherwise when the wee one grows up, he/she will follow suit.
Sorry
dorothy
I agree with this ........ i am not a parent but i see the differences of parenting nowadays and back when i was growing up though.......if i had a kid i would follow through with taking stuff away right then and there because if you dont it will give the kid more freedom and more confidence in the future as far as being able to do the same actions again and again....i would never tell a kid that i was going to do something and then not do it because then they know they have you where they want you ...its just like a manager at work who threatens to punish employees for bad behavior but doesnt follow through....after that happens he loses respect of his employees and buisness might suffer or he might get demoted or fired because people keep coming in to work late
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Old 08-09-2007, 03:32 PM
 
1,428 posts, read 2,772,068 times
Reputation: 1460
Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlotteAgent View Post
I'm looking for ideas to get my 5 year old to stop talking back.... as much. We are told he is a little angel for Grandparents and such but when he is home with us he just turns wild.

We make a point to give him attention as we also have 17month. Is it just a phase? We have "grounded" him etc and it works for that day but then it starts back up. It is getting to the point where we are at our wits end.

Not looking for a lecture just some creative discipline tips.

Thanks,
My strong suggestions are these:

1. UNPLUG THE TELEVISION.
Very often, kids get many ideas about their behavior or what's considered "normal" or "appropriate" behavior from the shows they watch. I would especially refrain from showing him shows for children. Seriously. With a baby in the house, there's really no reason for the TV to be on and many reasons why it should be off till the kids go to bed.

2. Unplug the video games/xbox
See above reason.

3. Send him outside to play

4. Play WITH HIM.

5. Read to him, and not just at bedtime.

Sounds like he needs attention, frankly -- and not attention from a screen, but attention from you.
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Old 08-10-2007, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 2,978,274 times
Reputation: 719
I have gone through the "mouthy/rude" phase quite a few times with my 10 year old that started when she was 5. I definately say it needs to be immediate punishment for this behavior. "I will not listen until you talk nice and don't give me the nasty face. Now sit on the bottom step/time out chair until you can treat Mommy nicely." I have taken away favorite toys, playdates, and had many talks and even swats on the bottom for the really nasty offences. What works one day may not work the next. Just stick with it! If you don't get a handle on it now it will continue getting worse and worse. My girlfriends daughter is 11 and REALLY bad because they didn't get control at a young age. I keep that in mind when trying to deal with my daughters behavior.
You are the mother and you deserve respect. Good luck to you!!!!
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Old 08-14-2007, 12:34 PM
 
Location: NE PA
7,936 posts, read 13,541,752 times
Reputation: 4366
Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlotteAgent View Post
I'm looking for ideas to get my 5 year old to stop talking back.... as much. We are told he is a little angel for Grandparents and such but when he is home with us he just turns wild.

We make a point to give him attention as we also have 17month. Is it just a phase? We have "grounded" him etc and it works for that day but then it starts back up. It is getting to the point where we are at our wits end.

Not looking for a lecture just some creative discipline tips.

Thanks,
With our 5 year old, I have basically turned to ignoring the behavior, acting as if we don't even hear it. He soon figured out that talking back, arguing, and whining do not get him anywhere, and he has essentially stopped.
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:39 PM
 
261 posts, read 857,930 times
Reputation: 114
When our 5 yr old starts to whine because he's mad at us, we ask him "what does crying get you?" His response, "Nothing". Exactly. move on!
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Obama playing field
716 posts, read 1,867,122 times
Reputation: 380
Makes me laugh when i read the responses and questions.

Seems to me your more interested in being the kids best friend rather than being a parent. What happened to good ole fashioned discilpine nowadays?

If they are not taught about respect and obedience early on then i think you're at a loss. Tough love is never easy but you do it for the kids benefit not yours. Kids at young age have little or no grasp about respecting you so it must be implimented and consistant. My 6 yr old anwers his elders yes sir/mam, no sir/mam. Nowadays discipline is lightly enforced because he knows there are consequences for wrong doing which involves lying, shouting, back chatting, acting rough.

He knows to get respect he has to give respect, and he also knows that if anyone physically abuses him (first) then he is to give back as good as he gets or better.

I think theres a time and a place for eveything, and in these younger years of my kids, they have to learn how to follow FIRST!!.. And right now, i think being a parent and mentor is the way to go. Only when he grows and matures can i lax and eventually end up being his best buddy.
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:33 PM
 
Location: huh?
3,099 posts, read 1,912,862 times
Reputation: 498
i have never had that problem (ive had the nicest children and i dont know why-very lucky). i suspect that your child may be hearing that type of talk somewhere else and is trying it out on you or mimicking his peers. mayeb your child is angry about something? just some thoughts. good luck!
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:45 PM
 
261 posts, read 857,930 times
Reputation: 114
Our 5 yr old does know how to use his manners, when he chooses to. Our biggest thing these days is the talking back and yelling. We continue to put him into time outs, limit his playtime with friends based on his behavior towards us and take away toys. He is only allowed 1 hour of tv a day so that is not part of the problem.

We think we have part of it figured out. We have our house up for sale and are under alot of stress to get it sold, and we think that he is feeling the stress too. We have sat him down and explained it to him that we are trying to sell our house so that we can get something better for him so he can be happier and have a better place to play and live.

He understands, so I just think right now, it's stress. It will be harder once we move, as he will have to change schools and make new friends. For Christmas, he and I are making scrapbooks for his friends with pictures of them with son and hoping that this will make moving a little easier, as they will all have memories of him and he of them.

Hoping that his behavior will change once everything has settled down.
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Old 11-13-2007, 06:14 PM
 
168 posts, read 1,057,586 times
Reputation: 176
I don't know if explaining you are trying to get him a better life really works for a 5-yo. I don't think a 5 yo is capable of understanding that. He may be upset and cry/act out a bit more, but I don't think you can let down on the discipline.

We have 3 children under 6 and we have moved twice (to different states). Good manners are a part of life in our household, and there's really no exception.

I don't know that you have to do anything drastic, but I'll tell you one thing which worked for me. I noticed that I was still giving my 5 yo 3 chances on a lot of things...With a 2 yo I think it makes sense to give them another chance a lot, but I would say things to my 5 yo like "if you hit your sister one more time you're in a time out." I realized that of course there shouldn't have to be a warning at all--they knew the rules by that age.

So...I told them flat out, all warnings have been eliminated. The next time one of them hit a sibling--time out. If someone talked back--time out, right then and there. Because I'd been pretty strict about it all along, it didn't take more than a few times to get it.

I personally wouldn't give too much slack to him b/c of a sibling either...we are always feeling like somehow we're providing inadequate attention to our kids, but they had a lot more kids 100 years ago who turned out just fine!

If you can get rid of guilt you feel and give consequences the first time he acts up every time, I think you will go far in eliminating this behavior.
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Old 11-13-2007, 07:06 PM
 
4,948 posts, read 16,048,429 times
Reputation: 2850
what if you get a chart-gold, silver, green, and red stars. It goes to the point system.

5 you in a week get gold, 4 silver, 3 green, then red-takes away a point. You earn them, by saying please, thank-you, etc. to reedem them it may take so many, for a treasure. as to save money for! You may earn, some in a week, then also, they be taken
back, as at work vacation days etc. You need it to be fun. However, work, is not fun. Also, you only get so much reward, you have chores, etc., but you may earn extra. 2 is not trying, no point. You, have the child also put how he got his point, and if you do agree.
Then one red star does turn a gold back 5 points. I think, maybe 5 bads, for each of the stars on the chart. What sorrow, for a gift. Therefore, the point system-in a week-one gold is gone, or green, or silver? Seems how the work place works. Best of Luck! Even, going to bed might earn a star til it get to 3 green.

Last edited by maggiekate; 11-13-2007 at 07:18 PM..
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