Picking up a crying child vs. self-soothing (infants, teething, toddler)
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Depends on the situation. Is it bedtime? Lunch time? Etc.... And how old the child is.
I swear I kind of made a high strung panicky boy out of my first child due to the fact that I would ALWAYS pick him up....Finally figured that out by the time he was 5 months and stopped doing that. Whew!
2nd child, so much more mellow and has such great self soothing abilities, possibly due to practice of it as an infant.
Or possibly due to both of their innate personalities....really I think it's a fine line.
I agree it really depends on the situation and the child, not to mention age. Is the child hurt? I'd pick him up and soothe him. Crying out of frustration? I'd probably let him self sooth, less time if it was an infant (learning to reach a toy for example) vs a little bit longer if its a toddler throwing a tantrum (I's wait until he could calm down and use his words and let him know that it must be hard sometimes to not say what you want/ get what you want all the time.)
A blanket approach to all crying is not going to work. It needs to really be dependent on the variations above.
When mine where newborns I held them a lot. As they got around 4 months if they would fuss in the middle of a nap I would rub their backs until the fell back asleep. At night I would feed them and rock them back to sleep. If it was a hurt cry I always pick up. If it is a 2 yr old temper thing I let them cry for a few minutes and tell them when they stop crying and kicking I will hold them. I never let them self soothe at night. But if it works for some I don't think it is a bad thing, just not for me.
As a parent, would you pick up your child each time he/she cries or would you let him/her "self-soothe" until the crying stops?
depends on the age of the child, what time of the day, how long since he last ate, had a diaper change, slept, and what I happen to be doing at that very moment. very vague question.
I'd pick up my babies when they cried. After a year or so, we'd start with some "self soothing" practice... I'd encourage them to snuggle with a blanket or one of my T-shirts a bit before going to get them, or I'd pat their backs and try to get them back to sleep. If they kept crying, I'd pick them up.
They're currently 9 and almost 7, and have no problems that I can tell from not being left to "self soothe" as newborns/infants.
As a parent, would you pick up your child each time he/she cries or would you let him/her "self-soothe" until the crying stops?
It depends. The question is beyond open-ended..what is the age? when was the last feeding? is the baby wet? is the baby sick? is the baby teething? is the baby just cranky? is the baby annoyed? is the baby overstimulated?..really, the list goes on.
There is not a clear cut answer nor a right answer for every situation at any given moment is different for every single parent & infant/baby/child.
I always instantly respond to the cries of a newborn, because I feel it builds a trusting, placid, child when they feel secure that their needs will be met. As the baby gets older, there are times when you know for sure that all it's needs have been met...it's not hungry, wet or doesn't need to burb, etc. Then I will let him cry it out for a little while.
A toddler, however will play you like a harp if it thinks it will succeed in getting it's way, so then you need to be a lot firmer, but by then you know the child well enough that you will know when it's just being demanding.
i know people who not only do not pick up a crying baby, but they dont even check on their children at night, including their baby of less than a year old.
to me, i just couldnt do it. i remember when my son was under a year and cried and i tried to let him self sooth. guess what, he still cried and when i picked him up--he burped. he wasn't trying to be spoiled--SOMETHING WAS BOTHERING HIM!!!
i say pick up the baby, make sure all is well, and is he/she is still crying, then let them be for a little bit. don't let your child scream for an hour-- kids dont cry for no reason
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