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Old 02-27-2010, 07:35 PM
 
4,892 posts, read 11,825,656 times
Reputation: 3610
Quote:
Originally Posted by aprilmayjune View Post
I am a 34-year old, married, childfree woman who works full time and owns a house. I was raised in a traditional nuclear single-income family (probably among the last of an era) with 3 siblings. It is no surprise to me that I love living in a DINK household now. We have agonized over whether or not to have children for the past few years, and with all things considered, we're almost certain we won't.

We've had to think about the same question as you of course, and when I look around at all of the couples having children, especially in the current economic climate, they either 1. don't care about the prospect of being poor, 2. come from old money or at least a family of significant assets, 3. receive financial assistance from relatives, the government, and often community fundraisers if they get caught in a tough situation, or 4. a combination of those. I would wager a guess that very very few parents raise their children solely on money earned from their work...and I'm sure there's been a study done on the subject sometime...somewhere...
uuummmm....NO
i was raised in a two income household that had/did none of the 4 things you stated, and up until today, we are doing the same. i don't know where you are dreaming up these stories from, and i feel sorry for you and the fact that you decided not to have children due to your warped ideas. i only sincerely hope that you don't live to regret it....
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:00 PM
Status: "Desperately searching for the grading fairy...." (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,915 posts, read 16,215,477 times
Reputation: 11484
Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
uuummmm....NO
i was raised in a two income household that had/did none of the 4 things you stated, and up until today, we are doing the same. i don't know where you are dreaming up these stories from, and i feel sorry for you and the fact that you decided not to have children due to your warped ideas. i only sincerely hope that you don't live to regret it....
I have to agree that a significant percentage of parents get help. It may be in the form of free child care provided by grandma to college funds for kids to WIC or Welfare. I'm not sure what the percentages are but I've met many a family that were taking some kind of help. Around here it's not uncommon for women to take WIC so they can stay home.

It, likely, depends on where you live. There are areas here where you'd rarely see a parent not footing the bill themselves and other areas where it would be uncommon for them to not get help. I know there were times my mother got help. Our gas bill used to come in the name of one of the regulars at the restaurant she worked at because he went down and put it in his name when the gas got turned off. He felt sorry for her with four children at home and no heat. I haven't required anyone to pay my bills but grandparents have contributed to college funds.

Personally, I think it's the responsible thing to do to make sure you can afford kids before you have them. After you have them is a little too late.
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:41 PM
 
10,040 posts, read 14,356,895 times
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A "significant portion" of parents get help? Really? I just don't believe that. Those of you who do must run in very different circles than I (and many of the others posters) do. The idea that "very, very few" parents raise children without help is ridiculous. (unless you count things like birthday presents, etc.) Many parents today have parents who are themselves worried about paying for retirement and living in an era where there isn't much of a safety net; I'm sure many of these grandparents would be happy to help out their adult children, but they've got to take care of themselves, too.

And where are all these women on WIC so that they can stay home? Most women don't go on WIC so that they can afford to stay home -- they get WIC so that they (or their children) can eat.

Not to say that there aren't people out there who do receive a lot (or a little) help, but I think it's a major overstatement to suggest that it's the norm.
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Old 02-27-2010, 09:00 PM
 
Location: Middle America
17,380 posts, read 14,527,271 times
Reputation: 20225
Honestly, of my peers (midtwenties to midthirties women working in education), the only ones who CAN afford to have babies are the ones who have family in the area who can and do provide free or low-cost childcare. On our salaries, if you have to pay the going rate for daycare, here, you're operating at a loss. There's no point in being a working mom if your professional salary doesn't even cover daycare costs.
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Old 02-27-2010, 09:05 PM
 
2,839 posts, read 6,461,611 times
Reputation: 2735
The amount of food that WIC gives you is not enough to allow someone to quit their job and stay home. We were on it for a short period of time when my kids were very little. I had a 3 year old and a breastfed baby, and I think we got something like a pound (maybe two?) of carrots, a few bottles of juice, a few gallons of milk, a few pounds of cheese, four (?) boxes of cereal, and two jars of peanut butter per month. It was a help, don't get me wrong... but no one is going to be quitting their job over less than $50 worth of groceries monthly. The program is there to help needy families, not to provide people a means to get out of working. It's also designed to meet a temporary need, because they re-evaluate your income level every three months, and no one can stay on it once their last child turns 5.
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Old 02-27-2010, 09:09 PM
 
4,892 posts, read 11,825,656 times
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when our son was born, i didn't want him in childcare. my DH transferred to working nights while i worked days, so that the baby would always be with one of us. we did this for the first year. i am not going to lie---it was exhausting! and we hardly saw each other except Sundays. but we did it--no other assistance of any kind. we then moved away from all family and friends to a lower cost of living area. i then stayed home for 1.5 years and we lived on 1 income--and trust me, it was no more than 36k gross! then we started our own business, i work there part time, son is there with me some of the time. he also goes to preschool part time--which we pay for again with NO OTHER ASSISTANCE, and then around noon, we go home and he is home with me for the rest of the day. it can be and IS done! and again, we don't make more than 36k a year! we have a nice house in a good neighborhood with good schools. we go out to eat once a week. we have a mortgage, and CC bills, but we manage. we take him to the park, or play dates, or walk around the mall. what have you--there are ways to be entertained for free....
we don't live luxuriously by any stretch, but to believe that people have some kind of money fairy, it's just not true! i think you don't realize how little you can live on until you just do!
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Old 02-28-2010, 06:01 AM
 
Location: Florida
1,738 posts, read 5,407,965 times
Reputation: 619
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I'm glad you think gambling with our children is funny.
ohh give me a break! I said I thought it was funny how many times you wrote gamble. didn't say a think about gambling with children. I don't gamble at all(with children or money)
...your acting silly!
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Old 02-28-2010, 08:42 AM
 
4,267 posts, read 2,950,549 times
Reputation: 3579
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I have to agree that a significant percentage of parents get help. It may be in the form of free child care provided by grandma to college funds for kids to WIC or Welfare. I'm not sure what the percentages are but I've met many a family that were taking some kind of help. Around here it's not uncommon for women to take WIC so they can stay home.

It, likely, depends on where you live. There are areas here where you'd rarely see a parent not footing the bill themselves and other areas where it would be uncommon for them to not get help. I know there were times my mother got help. Our gas bill used to come in the name of one of the regulars at the restaurant she worked at because he went down and put it in his name when the gas got turned off. He felt sorry for her with four children at home and no heat. I haven't required anyone to pay my bills but grandparents have contributed to college funds.

Personally, I think it's the responsible thing to do to make sure you can afford kids before you have them. After you have them is a little too late.
I know a lot of parents and only a couple of them use or have used programs like WIC. In order to even be eligible for WIC, the applicant's income must fall at or below 185 percent of the U.S. Poverty Income Guidelines which is the equivalent of $37,000 for a family of 4 and be either pregnant, postpartum or have a child under the age of 5. Those requirements disqualify a "significant portion" of families.

As far as free childcare, most of the parents who I know who have family in the area occasionally (like once a month or so) have the grandparents watch their child or children for a few hours so that they can have a "date night". I don't know anyone who gets free daycare on a regular basis.
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:38 AM
Status: "Desperately searching for the grading fairy...." (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,915 posts, read 16,215,477 times
Reputation: 11484
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorthy View Post
I know a lot of parents and only a couple of them use or have used programs like WIC. In order to even be eligible for WIC, the applicant's income must fall at or below 185 percent of the U.S. Poverty Income Guidelines which is the equivalent of $37,000 for a family of 4 and be either pregnant, postpartum or have a child under the age of 5. Those requirements disqualify a "significant portion" of families.

As far as free childcare, most of the parents who I know who have family in the area occasionally (like once a month or so) have the grandparents watch their child or children for a few hours so that they can have a "date night". I don't know anyone who gets free daycare on a regular basis.
As I said, it's likely regional. It would be interesting to see data for how much help parents get in the form of cash, government assistance and things like free child care, hand me downs, etc, etc, etc...

While we've never leached off of the government, grand parents have contributed to college funds and things like summer camp programs and aunts and uncles have supplied hand me dwon clothing that reduced our bills. Not that the government write off is much but all parents get that.

In my own family, I have two sisters who trade off child care between each other and another friend so that they can all work part time instead of full time.

I know several moms who get free child care from grandma on a regular basis. Because of the demographics here, you can throw a stone and hit half a dozen mothers taking WIC because they don't want to get a job (high percentage of a particular religion that preaches mothers DO NOT WORK). The elementary school my kids went to took donations of food on a regular basis and sent food home in the back packs of many children.

Now there are other areas where you'd never see a mom taking a hand out. You'll see more in poorer and lower middle class areas. With child care costing upwards of $1200 a month for two kids, it's not surprising that people will use free kith and kin care first.
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Old 02-28-2010, 10:08 AM
 
42,506 posts, read 47,596,826 times
Reputation: 28066
Quote:
Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post
A "significant portion" of parents get help? Really? I just don't believe that. Those of you who do must run in very different circles than I (and many of the others posters) do. The idea that "very, very few" parents raise children without help is ridiculous. (unless you count things like birthday presents, etc.)

Not to say that there aren't people out there who do receive a lot (or a little) help, but I think it's a major overstatement to suggest that it's the norm.
I think majority is an overstatement too! I also don't think it has anything to do with income bracket either. My goodness! When I had my first, I was a single mother with a very low paying job (because I became unemployed while I was pregnant and had to take what I could get with a 7 month belly sticking out). Not only did I pay for my child's daycare, I also paid a babysitter for a night out every single weekend! If I could manage to do it without any assistance or help from family members, anyone making above minimum wage can do it! Granted, it's not easy, but my point is that most people don't need help. It all comes down to people living within their means.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TouchOfWhimsy View Post
The amount of food that WIC gives you is not enough to allow someone to quit their job and stay home.......It was a help, don't get me wrong... but no one is going to be quitting their job over less than $50 worth of groceries monthly.
Exactly! I think it's funny that someone would think people are able to quit their jobs just because they take WIC. Since it's such a minimal amount of money, they'd have to have been working a couple days a month at minimum wage for WIC to cover their expenses while not working. Seriously. $7/hr for 16 hours a month is $112 gross. WIC pays less than the net!
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