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This sounds like bullying to me. If a parent came across like this to me, I'd flatten him/her. No one has the right to talk like this to anyone.
Of COURSE it's bullying. And if you read my post, I said only to use that kind of tone if the parents are the "boys will be boys" parents. If they are genuinely horrified that their child said this or seem like they are going to take care of things, there is no reason to escalate it to the "I will ruin you" level. "Boys will be boys" parents need to be talked to in a different way and as a concerned parent, the OP has every right to use that kind of language. For people like this, "Excuse me, would you kindly ask your son to stop threatening my child with poison?" won't work. "I will ruin you" is the kind of tone they will understand.
If your kid said that to my kid, I promise you, we'd have some words. If you don't like it and try to "flatten" me, trust me, you'd be speaking to the police too. If that hurts your feelings, perhaps you should take that up with your son. Trust me that I am not one of those in-your-face parents...if I came to your door, inside I'd be ready to throw up (and likely would when I got home), but the OP has every right to let both the kid and his parents know that she is taking this seriously.
A parent of a child being told another child is going to pour poison down his throat needs to go into butt-kicking mode. This is not the same thing as telling my kid that he's ugly or fat or any other number of things that constitutes bullying. Poison. Down. His. Throat.
Should this boy kick the crap out of the kid who said that? Absolutely. But a threat like that shouldn't end there. The kid who even thought about "poison down a throat" needs to be monitored. There are some twisted kids out there and this could be an indicator that this kid's brain works this way. Either way, her son needs to be protected.
So my son is in second grade. This year he has come home several times upset about other kids being mean. One was an older sibling of a classmate who kept threatening to punch him, I told him to tell an adult at school if someone was threatening to hurt him. So after a week of threats he told the principal, and that was the last I hear of that. Until last night, when he told me the kid said if he ever told on him again he would pour poison down my son's throat, and then proceeded to show him a blue powder in a plastic tube. I have no idea what to think the blue powder was (candy, household cleaner, I didn't see it so who knows.)
So more recently a kid on the bus keeps calling names, telling my son to shut the f@*$ up, and threatening to hit him. The bus driver seems somewhat aware of the problems and they do have a video camera in the bus. Supposedly if there are any more issues between my son and this kid they will both go to the principal and the videotape will be reviewed (review what if it's all been just verbal.)
My question is how involved should I get about these alleged threats? I want my son to be responsible for his actions and be able to take care of himself, but at the same time it is upsetting to hear of the threats and I don't know if waiting for something to actually happen before I step in is the best idea.
Any ideas or similar situations?
UH... I had a situation where my daughter was stressed out about a friendship she was having trouble with... in her second grade class.... I immediately emailed the teacher, set up an appointment with the teacher and discussed it with my daughter.... and it was nowhere near as serious as being punched or poisoned..... I would NEVER have allowed it to get that far... I most likely would have demanded this child be suspended or expelled for threatening bodily harm! GET INTO THE OFFICE AND STOP IT! Aren't you the parent? The Adult? The one who is supposed to PROTECT him? Seriously.... DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Having gone through a bully situation with my own 2nd grader recently, I would've handled it in a different order, knowing what I know now.
1) Call the police and file a complaint against the other child. If there has been violence or threats of violence, demand that charges be pressed. (The media watches the reports and if they think their viewers/readers will be interested, the reporters will contact YOU)
Do not go through the schools. If you start in the schools, the bully is protected by federal privacy laws.
BTW - do not encourage your child to escalate the violence, though do encourage him to stand up for himself if and WHEN the other child/another child "starts it".
Thank you for that...I think it will help parents to know to contact the police first. I didn't know that and will keep that in mind. Hopefully I never have to deal with something this serious. I think, though, that there is a difference between a kid not being kind and a kid threatening "death by poison". That IS a reason to call the police, if for no other reason then for them to have a record that this kid was a problem.
I would contact the school principal and even the counselor, if they have one, (I know our grade schools have a counselor at least for half of the day) and make an appointment to talk face to face. Let them know what is going on. Make sure that your child is also there so that if the principal or counselor have any questions they can ask them directly in front of you.
Next I would also have a chat with the bus driver. I know my kids' bus driver pretty well and I know that he's good at looking out for my kids so if something is missed by him he appreciates the heads up about it. The bus driver can have your son sit closer to him so that he can see and hear what is going on, or he can have the bully sit closer to him so he can keep a closer eye on him to make sure he's not harrassing anyone.
Definately look at getting your son into some sort of martial arts. Not just for learning self defense, but to also give him a sense of courage or good self esteem that will keep him from being targeted. Good martial arts instrctors teach a child/person when to use self defense (i.e. kick someone in the groin or punch in the face) and when not to. They will teach them how to get themselves out of a situation before it escalates into violence, but if violence does errupt then they will know how to defend themselves.
If there are any older kids that can let this bully know that your son has friends that will stick up for him than usually this kind of thing will stop.
I had something like this happen to me in the 1980's by kids who were a year or two older. Luckily I had an older brother four years older who had a lot of friends. Once punks like this see that a child has older friends who care about him and will look for him if he tries anything like this than this behavior stops. It just takes one showing of older kids who can show the bully that they are mad at him and this will stop. That bully needs to be slammed by an older kid infront of all the kids.
You should talk to the parents of this bully and find out what is wrong with this child. The bullies parents probably have issues and have not trained their child correctly. Stand tall and do what must be done so that your child can go to school without being tormented. You can stop this.
First of all, I would go to the school --- appointment or not --- and demand to speak with the principal and demand that the older kid's parents be called in NOW. I would also let the school and the parents know that you WILL pursue legal action if this continues.
Second, I would absolutely make a police report.Do NOT let the police brush you off. Demand that a report be filed; let them know you want to press charges for Terroristic Threats. This kid shows your kid some blue powder in a tube and threatens to pour poison down his throat??? File a police report NOW. You really don't know what that kid had in the tube and you don't know what he's capable of.
Third, yes.. be involved. Be VERY involved. Your son is only 7 years old. He shouldn't have to be bullied, harassed, threatened, and terrorized at school.
So my son is in second grade. This year he has come home several times upset about other kids being mean. One was an older sibling of a classmate who kept threatening to punch him, I told him to tell an adult at school if someone was threatening to hurt him. So after a week of threats he told the principal, and that was the last I hear of that. Until last night, when he told me the kid said if he ever told on him again he would pour poison down my son's throat, and then proceeded to show him a blue powder in a plastic tube. I have no idea what to think the blue powder was (candy, household cleaner, I didn't see it so who knows.)
So more recently a kid on the bus keeps calling names, telling my son to shut the f@*$ up, and threatening to hit him. The bus driver seems somewhat aware of the problems and they do have a video camera in the bus. Supposedly if there are any more issues between my son and this kid they will both go to the principal and the videotape will be reviewed (review what if it's all been just verbal.)
My question is how involved should I get about these alleged threats? I want my son to be responsible for his actions and be able to take care of himself, but at the same time it is upsetting to hear of the threats and I don't know if waiting for something to actually happen before I step in is the best idea.
Any ideas or similar situations?
Okay, I'm going to do something I never do on these forums -- skip to the end to write my response before reading any of the comments!
ABSOLUTELY get VERY involved!!! Your child is only 7 years old! He's a baby! Any schoolyard brawls at this age should be about someone calling him a "poopy pants" or pushing him off the swings. NOT threats of poison down his throat or using the F word. WTH????
This is why I believe in homeschooling if the local public and private schools contain such trash. That child (the bully) has some serious issues and he'll be a criminal in about 6 years, if not before.
Rat poison is blue granules, by the way, and it is DEADLY. Many people have it in their homes. I don't know if that's what the kid has, but you need to find out.
If it were me, my son would not be returning to that school unless the psycho kid were gone off to reform school.
Of COURSE it's bullying. And if you read my post, I said only to use that kind of tone if the parents are the "boys will be boys" parents. If they are genuinely horrified that their child said this or seem like they are going to take care of things, there is no reason to escalate it to the "I will ruin you" level. "Boys will be boys" parents need to be talked to in a different way and as a concerned parent, the OP has every right to use that kind of language. For people like this, "Excuse me, would you kindly ask your son to stop threatening my child with poison?" won't work. "I will ruin you" is the kind of tone they will understand.
If your kid said that to my kid, I promise you, we'd have some words. If you don't like it and try to "flatten" me, trust me, you'd be speaking to the police too. If that hurts your feelings, perhaps you should take that up with your son. Trust me that I am not one of those in-your-face parents...if I came to your door, inside I'd be ready to throw up (and likely would when I got home), but the OP has every right to let both the kid and his parents know that she is taking this seriously.
A parent of a child being told another child is going to pour poison down his throat needs to go into butt-kicking mode. This is not the same thing as telling my kid that he's ugly or fat or any other number of things that constitutes bullying. Poison. Down. His. Throat.
Should this boy kick the crap out of the kid who said that? Absolutely. But a threat like that shouldn't end there. The kid who even thought about "poison down a throat" needs to be monitored. There are some twisted kids out there and this could be an indicator that this kid's brain works this way. Either way, her son needs to be protected.
You can't hear me, but I'm on my feet giving you a standing ovation for this post. ABSOLUTELY!!! It is definitely past time to go into butt kicking mode and I love the "I will RUIN YOU" threat.
Listen people, I hope no one here actually believes that this bully psycho spawn of Satan has loving and concerned parents at home -- he doesn't. I'll bet you a hundred dollars he's got an ex con shacking up with his mother (who is probably a ho or a druggie or both) and his bio dad is in the pen. No normal child would ever dream of saying "I'll pour poison down your throat" and come brandishing a container of blue stuff. No normal child would respond so harshly to a "rat" situation unless someone at home is teaching him that "rats get offed." Who thinks like that? Criminal thugs, that's who.
OP, I'm glad you posted this and I'm not jumping on you, but this kind of thing is such a perfect example of how our whole society has slid all the way down the slippery slope, to the point where so many parents don't know what they are supposed to be doing and what is unacceptable. Thinking that a 7 year old child should be handling this stuff on his own and a fear to get involved for fear of being too protective -- recognize that this is the result of PC BULL***** brainwashing. This situ has whup @ss written all over it. Go to it, mom!
If there are any older kids that can let this bully know that your son has friends that will stick up for him than usually this kind of thing will stop.
I had something like this happen to me in the 1980's by kids who were a year or two older. Luckily I had an older brother four years older who had a lot of friends. Once punks like this see that a child has older friends who care about him and will look for him if he tries anything like this than this behavior stops. It just takes one showing of older kids who can show the bully that they are mad at him and this will stop. That bully needs to be slammed by an older kid infront of all the kids.
You should talk to the parents of this bully and find out what is wrong with this child. The bullies parents probably have issues and have not trained their child correctly. Stand tall and do what must be done so that your child can go to school without being tormented. You can stop this.
This might protect YOUR child from that bully, but it does nothing to remove this bully from the society of other innocent children who may not have older friends to serve as bodyguards. This is beyond simple bullying. This child has serious problems and he needs intervention for himself as much as for everyone's protection.
Agree that you should file a police report. It's okay that it's two months late -- you are only just now finding out about it so that's your excuse for the late filing.
I'd suggest going to the school right away and demanding the principal or higher take this seriously. I think there are times when kids should try to defend themselves, however, I do not think this is one of those times.
My son was bullied for years by the same boy and his followers (1st grade through 4th grade) and it did not stop until my husband demanded something be done (he did it when the administrators that did not take us seriously, were with the principal in a meeting....it was the first the principal had heard about it, and he was not happy that nobody did anything!).
I am not dismissing the police involvement suggestions. My son was experiencing more subtle bullying (but it was still damaging, just different), so that route did not occur to us.
I also agree with the person that said to try karate. It's not so much to be able to protect himself, although that helps, it's just that by feeling like he can protect himself, he may send out vibes that say "I'm not the type of kid to pick on".
Also, my husband mentioned to the principal that I had been documenting for years (which was partially true). I think this helped us as well.
Last edited by Reneeme; 02-23-2010 at 10:45 PM..
Reason: forgot something
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