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Old 06-04-2007, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,327 posts, read 6,081,508 times
Reputation: 2304

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Quote:
Personally, I think they initiallly find it difficult to return home after having experienced that sense of "I-am-on-my-own-with-no-one-to-set-limits-for-me" except themselves! My son initially pushed the boundaries, (or at least attempted to) up to the point that I said "Enough!" --At which point, I told him that while I understood how difficult it was for him to make the transition back home for the summer, that he either had to comply with the "rules" or he would not be returning to school in the fall. That did the trick! It was really a readjustment/maturity issue, which in his case, (mercifully!) was short lived. I was very clear in conveying to him that if he could not live at home for three months acting in a reasonable, mature manner, that he obviously wasn't mature enough to return to school in the fall...He certainly did not like hearing that, but after two weeks, all was well.
Just out of curiosity, how could you have stopped him from attending college? Even if you had been financially supporting his education, he could have sucked it up and taken out student loans or applied for more grants if he really wanted to assert his independence.

I went to college on a full ride with a stipend, so tuition and living expenses were never an issue for me, but I had tons of friends in college who paid their own way because their parents had cut them off financially. People like myself and those kids are the ones who are enjoying success now, and I credit a lot of it to not being babied by my folks all through college.
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Old 06-04-2007, 08:54 AM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 15,898,310 times
Reputation: 7531
Quote:
Originally Posted by swtpolly View Post
My 19 yr old has just moved back home after being gone for the past 10 months. Before moving back, we had a long discussion about how things were going to be and my expectations of her. She's been home aweek now and already driving me crazy. She needs a job, claims to be looking for one, yet, I have no idea if she is or not. Seems like all we discussed was fine until she got here. Anyone else deal with this before? If so, help please!!!!!!!
Tell her that her rent starts on the 20th - $150/wk. (which is really pretty cheap if you include food and all incidentals)...if she doesn't have her money then or is waiting on her first paycheck, pack her stuff up in boxes and sit it in the garage while she's gone and stick a note on it telling her your rental fee is $60/month for storing her stuff. Worked for my kid - he stayed with a friend for about 2 nights but without a job, he didn't get to run around or eat....he had a job the 3rd day, at which point I reduced his rent to $75/wk....but it kept him from needing a "vacation day" to go to the lake.

It's never too soon to learn responsibility and thoughtfulness....unfortunately, I have determined children are not really human beings until they are 23. You have a ways to go.
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Old 06-04-2007, 12:38 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 7,834,257 times
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The deal I had with my mom on rent included her applying 50% of what I paid her to a "savings account" that she gave me when I finally moved out. It was a nice little nest egg that helped me buy necessities for the apartment.
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Old 06-04-2007, 03:44 PM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,444,975 times
Reputation: 3392
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pimpy View Post
Just out of curiosity, how could you have stopped him from attending college? Even if you had been financially supporting his education, he could have sucked it up and taken out student loans or applied for more grants if he really wanted to assert his independence.

I went to college on a full ride with a stipend, so tuition and living expenses were never an issue for me, but I had tons of friends in college who paid their own way because their parents had cut them off financially. People like myself and those kids are the ones who are enjoying success now, and I credit a lot of it to not being babied by my folks all through college.

I could not have stopped him from attending college, nor was that my real intent. I knew, however, that despite a very good scholarship, grant, and other financial aid that he has, that he was dependant upon me to assist him further. I made it clear to him that if his rudeness/disrespect to me continued, that he should not turn around and expect full cooperation from me prior to his returning to school in the fall. My sense at the time was that this would compel him to reconsider his actions and attitudes. He has always been reasonable and extremely mature. He certainly has not been babied; he has, however, been held accountable for his actions. Following that one incident with him, he "reajusted" to being home and knew the score. No problems since. But he also knows that I am not about to put up with any overly entitled, less than respectful attitudes/behavior from him. P.S. In the end, he did apologize for testing the boundaries, and admitted that he had found it initially hard to go from being completely on his own at school to being temporarily back at home.
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Old 06-04-2007, 04:28 PM
 
Location: Murphy, NC
47 posts, read 27,346 times
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I am going to try the contract, and see how it goes. She lived away with grandparents for the past year and I have told her I am not putting up with the crap anymore. I thought she had grown up and matured, yet after a week I want to choke her. lol Thanks for all the advise, taking it all in and will let you know how it turns out. Hopefully, for the best
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