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Old 06-05-2007, 09:17 PM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 2,381,451 times
Reputation: 685

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What is sad is that women often feel that we have to accept treatment like this when if the shoe was on the other foot, no way the man would put up with it...

This is one more story that makes me glad I am single.
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Old 06-05-2007, 11:32 PM
 
Location: Sandpoint, ID
3,110 posts, read 9,162,774 times
Reputation: 2528
Ah, but Lisa...that's where you're wrong. An enabler personality type will repeat this type of behavior, over and over, regardless of gender.

I know men (I mean MEN, not weaklings) who have some crazy women in their lives. Violent, emotionally unstable, destructive, mercurial, you name it. These men, in the name of loving their wives, have scratches, gouges, hair pulled out, one guy (and this was a COP, mind you) was stabbed by his crazy girlfriend...and he STAYED WITH HER for almost a year after that point saying that she would kill herself if he left.

To take a liberty with Mr. Gump's sayings, "crazy is as crazy does".

With BabyLuv's situation, I think this guy needs to smack upside the head to wake him up to the reality that he is going to cost himself his marriage if he doesn't pull his head out right quick. I think she should act with dignity and integrity to the greatest extent possible, with the idea that she will prepare for the worst (divorce) while hoping for the best (reconciliation to the point of him defending her against his daughter's attacks).
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Old 10-05-2009, 06:25 PM
 
3 posts, read 5,142 times
Reputation: 10
So sorry to hear about your situation. It must be incredibly frustrating and hurtful. When one spouse makes all the overtures and attempts to fix things, and the other plays possum, what does that tell you?He's not willing to change and it's his way or the highway. He doesn't want to hear it or be told what he doesn't want to hear---in front of you. You may want to suggest that he go for counseling ALONE. Many of these dads are on a huge guilt trip and can't or don't know how to deal with the situation.
Think about it. You're the one reaching out, posting on this site for help, and he's the one saying NO to change. I wish you success with your counseling. Blended families are not easy. I know first hand.
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Old 10-05-2009, 06:28 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,772 posts, read 11,591,704 times
Reputation: 6501
This thread is from 2007
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Old 03-23-2011, 04:04 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,779 times
Reputation: 10
Hi I feel like we are all talking about the same step children...
I have been with my husband 6 years married for just under 1 year.I have a 20yr ols sd and a 14yr old son.
The thing is I just cant seem to find any help with my situation.My SD lives with us as when she was 15 her BM told her to leave if she cant bide by house rules. Only we didnt get this story we had heard for time before tht her BM had been treating her bad never buying her clothes etc. I felt for her and asked her if she wanted to move in with me even though at the time her father and I didnt live together. When she moved in she had more clothes and shoes than a wagg
Things were fine whilst she lived under my roof but then her father and I decided we would get a house and move away from our own town.

Tht when it all started the disrespect. I found txts on my then BF phone of her putting me down to him. she was telling her gran tht I treat her bad when her dad wasnt about and making lies up to get my son in trouble. If I as so much asked her why she left an empty cereal packet on the kitchen floor in stead of in the bin so the dog had ripped it up all over the kitchen. she returned on me sayin wtf am I to tell her what she cAN DO...WHAT RITE DO i AV TO SAYIN ANYTHIN TO HER AN I CAN GO GET FLUFFED. hER FATHER SAT THERE IF IN SHOCK IT DOESNT LAST FOR EVER BUT NEVER CHALLANGED HER ON HER BEHAVIOUR. Then after many more episodes like tht she was swearing her head off at her dad in ear shot of my son and I asked her not to talk to her father like tht and to have a bit of respect for her to turn to me threw abuse and punched me in my face and threw a mobile phone off my eye she was now 17 yr old..I have never believed in violence but after the phone hit my eye my head shut off and I hit her once..ashamed of my reactions I turned to walk out the room only to see her dad hugging her. this ripped me inpieces and I cried for days on end aboput the episode.

Since then there wer many more episodes and many more lies being told to her nan about me and even though her father these were lies he struggled to challange her on her beaviour.
Every time a rule was set she would break it and all along my son was getting rows for not following rules yet his daughter again was never challanged cus I took a back step so has to not cause any more rows with his daughter for his sake..But watching my son get rows an punished for little things yet SD was never challanged has since caused alot of arguments between my hubby and me..When we were gettin married on the 24th April last year she sed rite up to the day she werent coming..She turnned up on the day and made sure her fathers attention was on her for more or less the entire day.
Since then his daughter as had no job is now 20 and had a total of 4 months work in 2 yrs since she left college after we paid for her to go an she decided after she finished the course tht she no longer wants to b an hairdresser after she has had 2 jobs in hairdressers and has left cus she didnt get on with the girls there. She has been staying at her nans alot of late and since tht her nan no longer seems to have a conversation with me even though we did get on well b4. I have learnt since tht she has been goin to her nans telling lies an nan rings hubbys sister and she has been tellin me...She asked us if she could move out for a year but can we save her bedroom for her as she has the biggest bedroom...I said no cus if she movin out tht room will b my sons...She has thrown a strop at this and is now spendin a few days ere an nearly a fortnight at nans.so I asked her to b fare and if she gonna do this then to see ow unfair she being and tht I will let my son move in tht room. So now she has told her dad tht she is moving abroad becus of me and she has booked her flight for the 24th of April and can he come up to lancashire to take her which means the day I booked off from work cus of our aniversary is gonna b spent on my own cus it will b the he has to set out of my house the night b4 and wont be back till tea time or later tht day..My husband got angry last night with me an sed IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HER WHEN SHE GOES OVER THERE IT MY FAULT. I told him I didnt ask her to leave there is a room there for her but to b fare an let my son have it if she aint gonna be here which my hubby does agree with but said why cant we just keep the room for her and then she will stay in this country...So last night I told him I cant live like this no more and in the past she has left everytime she aint got her own way and we have has her back only under her rules tht she gets wot she was asking for.
HELP ME I dnt know wot to do no more
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Old 03-23-2011, 06:40 AM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,242,197 times
Reputation: 3312
Quote:
Originally Posted by Babyluv View Post

So my husband an I have been together for over 6 years but only got married a few months ago. From the time I sent out the wedding announcements, my stepdaughter (19) has been throwing a complete hissy fit. Calling the house telling us that she didn't want us to get married, telling her father that if we got married she wouldn't love him any more and on and on. Up until a few weeks ago, I have stepped aside and tried to let my husband deal with her. After her latest bouts of hissy fits and phone calls I finally emailed her (she won't accept my phone calls) and asked her to stop all of this, I told her to spend more time with her dad and stop throwing these constant fits. Needless to say that went over very poorly. My husband then started to turn her tantrum calls around on me and starting arguements. At first I sat there with my jaw on the floor and then I started to get angry and scared that she was having this kind of effect on our relationship.
After our last big blow out I told him I had enough! And that this problem was obviously bigger then the both of us, I contacted a marriage counselor who specializes in blended families and made an appt. At first my husband was fine with that, now he says that I need to be the adult, I need to find a way to be friends with his daughter, I am completely in the wrong and finally he is not going to a counselor when he knows that he is not wrong, it is me!
Now I plan on going to the counselor for myself, I think I could use some guidence in all of this, but I am so angry! So frustrated with him that he has stopped communicating with me about anything of importance, that he would truly rather avoid all of this until it is too late. I am so desperate to find solutions or at least be able to talk about this and not have an arguement. I even told him that I am so wrong then he NEEDS to go to the counselor with me to explain this to him to better help me...NOPE! I also told him that obviously his daughter was have some issues and that he ought to spend more quality time with her, maybe once a week just the two of them...Guess what! NOPE! He really doesn't want to spend that kind of time her. That makes me feel like I am going to be the scape goat in all of this, with a failed marriage to boot!!

Help me!

I sympthasize with you.
I was dating this man last year..He had a daughter who would do the fissy fit. I never met a girl that age she was 20 who acted like she was 2 not 20. Talk about tantrums she would throw them whenever I showed her dad any affection. I told him my kids don't even act like that..Found out she came to live with her dad when he was married that was a little over 2 years ago. She was the reason his wife left him, because of his daughter. I left him because of his daughter also.
There is no reason someone that age should be acting like that.
He spent time with her, but she didnt want to spend time with him, she only wanted him to pay all her bills, the apt, she lived with him, but she made it quite clear it was her apt he just paid the bills, cooked and cleaned.
Im glad I left him, because I found someone who loves me and shows me affection in front of his girls, and not once do they get mad.
I wont put up with brats no matter how old..If a child is a brat its just lazy parenting.
Your husbands daughter isn't a child, deal with her as an adult, she may not like it but dont stoop to her level.
Good luck..
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Old 03-23-2011, 06:49 AM
 
9,415 posts, read 11,286,554 times
Reputation: 20186
This thread is 3 years old, I'm sure the situation has been sorted out.
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Old 03-23-2011, 06:49 AM
 
Location: overlooking the mighty MO
697 posts, read 1,089,292 times
Reputation: 1254
just go get the lawyer now cause its over
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Old 03-23-2011, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 77,164,326 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by the old man View Post
just go get the lawyer now cause its over
You're right. There's nothing that can be done about these situations other than buy the T-shirt and swear to never, ever, get into such a mess again.
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Old 03-23-2011, 08:29 AM
 
Location: In my skin
8,882 posts, read 13,858,985 times
Reputation: 8735
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
This thread is 3 years old, I'm sure the situation has been sorted out.
BAH! And I almost responded. I really need to check the dates on these things.
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