I'm taking in two teenagers whose parents kicked them out! (lawsuit, girl)
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I hope things go well for you. Can you legally be involved with school issues without being his legal guardian? Like going to the school guidance center or talking to his teacher for any reason?
I don't want that type of involvement, aside from picking him up when he's sick, etc. He still has parents who can and will be involved in his education. He never gets in trouble at school. If his parents tell me that he isn't doing well, I will work with them if they want him grounded, etc., until his grades improve. But he has always had good grades. I don't anticipate those issues. I'm flexible in how his parents want to handle things if those issues do arise. He's only going to be staying with me part-time. In the summer, he'll be with me on occassion, but not as much---just when his father is out of town.
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Originally Posted by renovating
She has always been a great kid, makes a mistake, is physically in danger and her parents still kick her out? I don't know...something doesn't add up here.
She was kicked out in September. She just recently was beat up by her boyfriend at school. She needed to find a place to live before he gets out of juvie. Her parents refused to let her move back into their house.
Quote:
Originally Posted by renovating
And if this young girl is in danger, you have put your entire family at risk.
I have no problem taking risks when necessary. I wouldnt be able to live with myself if something happened to her because I was too afraid to let her live at my house.
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Originally Posted by NoExcuses
I have a lot of respect for those who will take in stray teens. I just really questioned the process here on this one.
It's okay. It just didn't come across very clearly since it was an evolving situation when I started the thread.
You don't need to hear it from us, but IMO you are dong the right thing. If we worried about all the what-ifs before helping folks, no one would be helped.
She
Agreed. This is going to take a long time out. I think they'll manage to repair the relationsip eventually.
One thing my grandfather did - and he was about as straight and narrow and tough a parent as anyone could be - was to show all of his grandchildren when we became teens, where he kept a spare key to his house and told all of us that if we ever needed a place to go to come to his house and there would be no questions asked.
I know at least one cousin took him up on it. She ran away from home but went to our grandpa's house and he kept his word, no questions asked. He did let her parents know she was there safe and sound but to leave her alone for a while. So they did and in time something got worked out and she went back home.
It probably doesn't matter whose fault it really is - the important thing is for the child to have a safe place to go and be able to think things through in completely safe environment.
Yep, we took in the "poor young man" that was my sons best friend. He had a tragic tale.
Turned out to be a really bad idea. He tore our family apart - from the inside. We barely survived.
Drama, drama, and of course, more drama. We felt so badly for him & he used us & abused us & then moved on to another family whom I am sure heard all about how horrible we were, just like we heard all the terrible BS he spread about those he was with before us.
We don't get to pick our families...especially when you have 17 years with them - real life is communicating, following through and taking care of your own kids & their job is to get through school, respect their elders & MOVE OUT.
When did our world become so multiple choice? Where, if you are unhappy with your parents you can just move to the neighbors house? Or you don't like your son having contact with his father (obviously YOU had contact with him) so you throw him out? No, momma, you have a MORAL responsibility to that kid - you birthed them - FINISH it. Do it the best you can & seek help to KEEP families together. And we wonder why our youth have no ability to commit! Or to grow up.
Last edited by tripphome; 03-25-2010 at 11:30 PM..
Reason: spelling
SSKKC and Wyoquilter.......I have walked in your shoes.....had them on both feet. I've been the taker inner and the she-devil mom, whose eldest son chose to become abusive, wanted to move in with friends who had no limitations put on them, and claimed I was the mom from hell who "kicked" him out. We took in a teen who ended up using us and stealing us blind, but also took in a couple of others, later on ...one was simply a rebel (still is to this day), one who was abused and a best friend of ours 20 years later...and a successful nurse. One can never know how things will turn out. You go with your gut and hope you're doing the right thing.
SSKKC and Wyoquilter.......I have walked in your shoes.....had them on both feet. I've been the taker inner and the she-devil mom, whose eldest son chose to become abusive, wanted to move in with friends who had no limitations put on them, and claimed I was the mom from hell who "kicked" him out. We took in a teen who ended up using us and stealing us blind, but also took in a couple of others, later on ...one was simply a rebel (still is to this day), one who was abused and a best friend of ours 20 years later...and a successful nurse. One can never know how things will turn out. You go with your gut and hope you're doing the right thing.
Oh, I have no problem with someone taking in a teen who has been abused or has truely been "kicked out" of their home. My grandmother was always taking in other peoples kids and I've allowed my oldest child's friends to crash here for a few nights, (usually that is all the longer they stayed) but I and my grandmother always made sure that their folks knew where they were and listened to their side as well. We were always able to give the teens a little food for thought in a non-confrontational way and they ended up making peace with their folks and went back home.
I was very upset that the people my son ended up staying with believed him and never once talked to me to find out what was what, and they also tried to find ways from letting me talk with my son. I just wanted to let the OP know from a mother who has been there how important it is to at least make some sort of contact with the teens' parents so they at least know they are alright.
Oh, I have no problem with someone taking in a teen who has been abused or has truely been "kicked out" of their home. My grandmother was always taking in other peoples kids and I've allowed my oldest child's friends to crash here for a few nights, (usually that is all the longer they stayed) but I and my grandmother always made sure that their folks knew where they were and listened to their side as well. We were always able to give the teens a little food for thought in a non-confrontational way and they ended up making peace with their folks and went back home.
I was very upset that the people my son ended up staying with believed him and never once talked to me to find out what was what, and they also tried to find ways from letting me talk with my son. I just wanted to let the OP know from a mother who has been there how important it is to at least make some sort of contact with the teens' parents so they at least know they are alright.
I think you're absolutely right in your advice. I hope more than just the OP reads your post. We dealt with the same thing. A couple of different people whom my son lived with did the exact same thing to us that were done to you. They never bothered to ask us, or our other children what our side of the story were. There were people in our community who we thought "knew" us and respected us. Yet those same people judged us on the lies our son told. It wasn't too long before they realized they were dealing with a lying, manipulative teen who was headed down a path of destruction of his own making. We're okay now, but my son still carries the shame of his choices and anger for some of the people who were not smart enough to see through his BS. Weird, huh? Imagine, the very people who turned on us, backed him based on his word/lies, have become the very people he despises, because they said terrible things about his family (based on his lies) and were not "smart enough" to see that he was "being a rebellious little brat. Yeah, the irony.
Rest assured, I am in contact with the parents of both children. I know everyone's sides of the stories, and their stories aren't much different from one another.
Update.
The boy will start staying here after Easter. I already have his rats. I was afraid of them, but they're turning out to be rather cool.
He has been stopping by regularly to clean their cage until he's officially staying here. My son feeds, waters and plays with them.
His parents are going to court this week to finalize everything. The mother is in for a huge surprise when she discovers that she will be paying her ex-husband MORE child support than he paid her. She's totally on board with the living arrangements though. Everything is cool in that regard.
The girl won't be coming until the end of April. She'll only be here for 6 weeks before leaving for the military.
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