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Old 06-05-2007, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Red Sox Nation
660 posts, read 2,417,813 times
Reputation: 428

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Hi everyone. I lost my parents at a very young age (10), and I now have 2 young children. Somedays I find it really hard not to have a mom in my life. Like those days when your toddler won't listen to a word you are saying, or the baby won';t stop crying and you don't know why. The wisdom and support of your own mom seems like what the doctor ordered. I found it especially hard during both my pregnancies, which were very difficult ones. Don't get me wrong, I have a nice life and some wonderfull friends, but sometimes I feel like something is missing. Are there any other motherless moms out there? How do you cope?
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Old 06-05-2007, 08:26 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 7,834,257 times
Reputation: 2214
Oh 2kids, your post brought a tear to my eye. Do you have any surrogate moms in your life that you can call on for advice or venting?

My best friend lost her father when she was a teenager and her mother when she was in her 20s. She had one child when her mother passed and two more after. I know she struggled with not having her mother around during pregnancy and after the babies were born. She said she felt orphaned and that her history was gone.

I don't think your feelings are odd or out of line- I just don't think there are many people in your situation at such a young age. I hope you can find some kindred spirits here. ((((((((HUGS)))))))
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Old 06-05-2007, 08:28 PM
 
2,484 posts, read 7,900,413 times
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By no means do I even begin to insinuate that I know how you feel---I'm still single and won't be having kids for a long time. However, I have a close friend who is exactly in your shoes and I've asked her in the past how does she do it and does it get difficult sometimes. Her answer to me was that she does as much reading as possible from baby/pregnancy magazines, finds online support through message boards, and looks to the older women in her life for advice.

My heart goes out for you. If you've already made it this far, I'm sure you'll be able to rough it out for the rest of the way and I'll bet your experiences will turn you into even a better mother! Hang in there, dear.
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Old 06-05-2007, 08:35 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,798 posts, read 6,026,546 times
Reputation: 2521
I can relate. Being a mother can be a very isolating job and for me having children brought up my own childhood issues that I wasn't aware of and didn't know how to deal with. If you haven't already been to therapy, I would strongly suggest speaking to a therapist or counselor. I also get a break from the kids at least once a day by going to the gym or having them at a preschool. It helps to refuel my energy.

I won't go into my story, but I understand, take care.
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Old 06-05-2007, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Red Sox Nation
660 posts, read 2,417,813 times
Reputation: 428
Thank you everyone. Great advice. I have read almost anything I could get my hands on about pregnancy and babies/toddlers. I feel bad for my kids, they are missing out on the joys of grandparents ( I was raised by mine). I've always missed my mom, but now that I am one, it's really hit home again.

Last edited by 2KidsforMe; 01-17-2008 at 07:24 PM..
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Old 06-05-2007, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,798 posts, read 6,026,546 times
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Oh I almost forgot. I also started surrounding myself with things that remind me of motherly love. For instance I will go into antique stores and look at things that remind me of mothers, things that feel warm and nurturing. I will also do some meditating where I will think about everything nurturing and kind and feel calm and content. Yoga has also been another aspect where I have been able to connect with some type of motherly force. It's been working wonders with my own parenting skills. It may sound strange, but hey it's working for me! Take care.
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Old 06-06-2007, 07:45 AM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,444,975 times
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Immediately upon reading your post, I went into my study and found a book that I thought I would pass along to you: "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman. copyright 1994, Addison-Wesley Publishing Company. For what it's worth, (and if it helps reading this, terrific!) the author addresses a number of issues pertaining to women who have lost their mothers at an early age, stemming from the years growing up w/o a mother, to becoming mothers themselves. Just thought I'd pass this along, in the event that it helps...

Take gentle care.
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Old 06-06-2007, 07:49 AM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,444,975 times
Reputation: 3392
Default Oops??

I just re-read the "rules" of this forum, which indicate no posting of copyrights....If I goofed by citing a book title/author/publishing company, then please know it was done out to ignorance....Hope I didn't get myself in trouble here...
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Old 06-06-2007, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Between Here and There
3,684 posts, read 10,840,329 times
Reputation: 1650
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2KidsforMe View Post
Hi everyone. I lost my parents at a very young age (10), and I now have 2 young children. Somedays I find it really hard not to have a mom in my life. Like those days when your toddler won't listen to a word you are saying, or the baby won';t stop crying and you don't know why. The wisdom and support of your own mom seems like what the doctor ordered. I found it especially hard during both my pregnancies, which were very difficult ones. Don't get me wrong, I have a nice life and some wonderfull friends, but sometimes I feel like something is missing. Are there any other motherless moms out there? How do you cope?
I lost my mom to a car accident at 6 years old. My father was gone long before that. I really don't remember anything about my mom, so I always thought if you don't remember having something you really don't know what you are missing. Like you however when I had my own kids I realized how much I really wanted my mother to be there. I also had very difficult pregnancies and my mother-in-law was there for my husband, but definitely not for me and I was very upset about it. Also like you I have a great life and really am not missing anything. There are times I wish I had my own mother so my kids would have a grandmother that was involved (I assume she would have been perfect because I don't really know) but I have always mothered by instinct and that seems to have pulled me through. I do feel for you, I'm sure since you had your mom a little longer than mine you remember her that can be a good thing but definitely gives you something more real to miss than I have. {{Hugs to you}}}
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Old 06-06-2007, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Red Sox Nation
660 posts, read 2,417,813 times
Reputation: 428
Thanks June 7th. You did not violate any copyrite laws. I will get that book. irishmom, I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I just miss the idea of having a mom. There are somedays I have a hard time even remembering what she looked like. I hope that doesn't sound awfull. I feel like I am also parenting by instinct. So far it seems to be working (I hope).
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