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My daughter is 7 and in 1st grade. Last year in Kindergarten she made some friends that are still classmates. The problem is that some of the kids who were her friends last year are not kids she wants to play with now.
My husband and I have been working with her on things like "knowing who is a friend and if someone wants to be your friend on Monday but not on Tuesday and Wednesday but wants to play again on Thursday...they're not a good friend." I know she's 7 and most of the time, a "friend" is someone who shares their markers.
But over the last few months, there have been some girls who have gone out of their way to reject my daughter (despite the fact that last summer, they were all friends and doing playdates every other day) and then turn around and want to play again a few weeks later. As time goes on, my daughter has made some new friends and enjoys playing with them without all the drama. I would rather have my daughter have a few good friends than a large group of kids who will unexpectedly turn on her for no good reason other than they are girls and starting to establish a pecking order.
So...the question is this. Because our kids did playdates and birthday parties, the moms of the girls my daughter isn't playing with have been calling to see if our kids can have a playdate and another is bringing by a birthday party invite (not everyone in class is being invited). When I asked my daughter if she wants to play or go to a party, she emphatically says "no...they're not my friends."
Since we've been working on the concept of "knowing who your friends are" it would seem hypocritical to tell my daughter that she needs to go to the party, but I also am not sure (in these cases) that honesty is the best policy and I think that these girls have specifically included my daughter in their invite list and asked their parents to call for a playdate so I'm worried that if I say to them honestly that my daughter doesn't really think of their child as her friend anymore, it will come as a surprise.
Advice? Obviously I need to say "no" but I'm not sure if I should make up an excuse for why they can't play or why my daughter won't be at the birthday party or just tell them the truth. We have a long way to go until our kids aren't in school with each other and I'm not sure burning a bridge in 1st grade is a great idea. HELP!!
In the case of the birthday party, all you really need to do is call and say "gee, thank you for thinking of Petunia, but we already made plans that day". You don't need to mention that your plans can be described as "washing raccoons, inspecting belly-buttons, or pretty much doing anything other than Calliope's birthday party".
In the case of the birthday party, all you really need to do is call and say "gee, thank you for thinking of Petunia, but we already made plans that day". You don't need to mention that your plans can be described as "washing raccoons, inspecting belly-buttons, or pretty much doing anything other than Calliope's birthday party".
No, I wasn't going to get elaborate...I'm not a good liar so the simpler the better. I was just wondering if I should be honest and say something like, "Petunia tells me that she and the birthday girl really haven't been playing together lately" or say "we already made plans." "We already made plans" leaves the door open for future calls for playdates so I'm not sure I should set out on a path that means I have to write down a list of good excuses.
I would not be entirely honest. Mainly because if your DD changes her mind and wants to play with these girls again and you've already told the parents that she does not want to be friends, it could be more difficult.
Parents have much longer memories than kids do.
She's only 7 and this kind of thing goes on for a little while. Friends one week and then not the next.
come on ,be serious..you exagerate big time...go get PROPERLY informed about this age,read books,surf the net and act acording to the age...seven,come on..with seven,grils get mad every five seconds and then they are friends again..no big deal,do not make a personal tragedy of it...in this age friendships are very superficials..mood chnaging,little fights,makes up...come on..let seven years old kids be seven year old kids...live in their age...and yes they live "unbeschwert'we german call that,i do nto know the right english word..they live easily..they do not put anything long to their heart,they have short memories,they do not feel long mad,revangefull and so on...today you are my friend,tomorrow your are not,the day after tomorrow you are my friend again...come on,just normal in this age...do not make from a fly an elephant...live in the present,in the moment with your daughter..you do not take things personally in this age,come on!!!let the kids be seven years old kids!!!!
I think after a few little "white lies" that the parents will get the message that your daughter has a very busy schedule or just isn't interested anymore in playing with them- kids grow apart from year to year and sometimes come back into their lives depending.
It doesn't sound like your daughters being purposely "rejected", but kids (especially at this age) are just fickle and flighty. Try to encourage your child to not take it personally if they don't want to play every day with her and it's alright if she just remains friendly acquaintances also.
As long as she's not being bullied or anything then it sounds like a normal situation. Don't encourage your daughter to not consider them friends anymore or put too much emphasis on what a good friend should be..she's just too young imo, for that sort of introspection and analysis.
If they were in high school, I wouldn't suggest she go, but 7 years old? Kids that age are so off and on with friends it's like changing socks. At that age they are learning how to distinguish what makes a friend. They get close to one or two, even three kids for their close circle, then have a number of kids for their outer circle.
So some don't want to play some days, so what. Maybe it's the mood they are in, or what it is they want to play. Some kids are better suited for games, some are better for talking or dolls or whatever.
I wouldn't discourage her from considering the others as friends unless they do something that would indicate that they were intentionally being mean to your daughter. Even adults have friends they only want to see at certain times. I have very good friends I seldom see. I have not so good friends I see frequently. Life is like that.
Getting her to think that someone is not her friend because they don't want to play every day isn't fair at all to your daughter. She will find a best friend and want to spend all her time with that child, but not so much time with others, yet still consider them her friends.
It's setting her up for a lot of problems throughout her life to encourage her to think no one is her friend unless they want to play or be with her every day. Give her a chance to work things out her way. Kids usually do ok, and when there is a problem, she will come to you. Even friends do things we don't like from time to time, but they are still a friend.
I would not be entirely honest. Mainly because if your DD changes her mind and wants to play with these girls again and you've already told the parents that she does not want to be friends, it could be more difficult.
Parents have much longer memories than kids do.
She's only 7 and this kind of thing goes on for a little while. Friends one week and then not the next.
Yep....and get used to it...this is how girls are for a LONG time...it just gets more extreme...wait until middle school they will be "BFF"s on Monday and by Thursday, they will be sworn enemies...
No, I wasn't going to get elaborate...I'm not a good liar so the simpler the better. I was just wondering if I should be honest and say something like, "Petunia tells me that she and the birthday girl really haven't been playing together lately" or say "we already made plans." "We already made plans" leaves the door open for future calls for playdates so I'm not sure I should set out on a path that means I have to write down a list of good excuses.
I would not be totally honest because you never know what might happen in the future.
The kids haven't been getting along lately, but they may get along in the future and you don't want the other mother planting the seed that your daughter doesn't like her daughter. It's better for them to be cordial, but not best buddies if possible. They may need to interact with each other in school, or in outside activities and it is best if the other girl does not think your daughter dislikes her.
It's ok to give a vague excuse. Lots of parents can't make things for lots of reasons so as long as you are gracious all should be smoothed over.
I think you should tell the truth.
But be careful not to accuse unless you have evidence.
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