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Old 06-16-2007, 09:34 AM
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 15,895,915 times
Reputation: 7531


Older child here...around 12...I had remarried my 2nd husband and we decided it was time for him to give the great Sex Talk to the oldest child after - well, long story short, but he got michevious and the police gave him a ride to the station and called me (very, very small town and I was a police officer in another town - they knew me well)...all the property my son had to check in before they "booked" him was 7 condoms...the officer told him if he'd used all of those he wouldn't have had time to set mailboxes on fire....but I digress.

The sex talk went extremely well. Sperm, eggs, ovaries, testes, all joined together in my pre-teen's head and he listened to the most basic, simplistic explanation without saying a word. In a few minutes my husband came out of my son's bedroom absolutely ash-white and confused looking. I was a little alarmed - I asked husband what in the world happened and he said son hadn't talked through the whole speech - at the end my husband asked him if he had any questions - the only question the child could come up with was "how do you know if a girl REALLY has an orgasm?".......I thought we were gonna die!
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Old 06-16-2007, 03:58 PM
Location: Atlanta
738 posts, read 605,898 times
Reputation: 279
When my daugther was very young, she hadn't finished her dinner. I said, "Honey, you haven't eaten diddley squat." Her reply was, "But Daddy, I don't like diddley squat."
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Old 06-16-2007, 05:01 PM
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 7,860,155 times
Reputation: 1811
We were all at my sister's having dinner and my niece was refusing to eat her vegetables. My husband asked her why she wouldn't eat her green beans, she replied, "I don't eat green un-tasty things"!
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Old 06-29-2007, 04:34 PM
Location: Tennessee
4,739 posts, read 7,398,957 times
Reputation: 2945
Where we used to live the lady next door was always comming over and asking if I would come over and fix her sink, hotwater heater, car and it never ended. One day she walked into the yard and my son said: Dad is that the psyco you've been talking about...

Ya gotta love em!
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Old 06-30-2007, 03:44 PM
16,487 posts, read 20,328,308 times
Reputation: 16136
Default Funny things our kids have said

We took our 4 yr. old daughter to a local amusment park for the first time. She has never been to one or to anyplace with all kinds of rides. She was so excited! We went from one ride to the next and she was loving it. I had to go to the restroom and took her by the hand to go with me. We walked into the rest room and into a stall and she loudly said "what ride is this mom?" People in the other stalls were laughing. I said it is the big white porcelin bowl ride hun!
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Old 07-02-2007, 11:27 AM
Location: Oxygen Ln. AZ
9,321 posts, read 16,131,214 times
Reputation: 5685
These are priceless stories. I have a funny Halloween story from last year.
My husband and I knocked ourselves out decorating our new home here in AZ. We could not wait for the little kids to show. We had all the lights inside turned off with spooky pumpkins in the background. My husband was tired so he sat down in the den right off the entry of our front door. His back was to the door. Two of the cutest little boys came very slowly up the sidewalk. They had to be around 3 and 4. I opened the door to greet them and they took a look inside and the 4 year old says "ooooh you have a haunted house". He then looked over at my husband sitting in the chair asleep with his head back and mouth open and says "oooh and a dead guy in a chair".
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Old 07-06-2007, 12:05 PM
Location: CA for 11 more days-then back home to KY
24 posts, read 64,910 times
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I have boy/girl twins who turned 5 in Feb. Once when they were about 2 1/2 to 3, I hear this giggling from the hallway. I was doing the bills at the computer in a room right next to the hall,but the door was closed just a bit so I couldn't see them. I keep hearing, giggle-giggle-"do it again, do it again"

I got up and went and peaked out the door to find my son naked,bent over with his butt stuck in the air with his little boy parts hanging down and the girl reaching through his legs flicking those danglling parts. giggle giggle, "do it again"
I was cracking up and horrified at the same time.

Another when the boy was about 3, going on 4,we were having carrots with dinner-we were trying to explain how carrots are good for you and help you see things. If you don't eat your carrots, you won't be able to see good when you are older. Next thing we know, the boy is sitting there with his eyes closed trying to eat the other things on his plate. I asked him what he was doing. His reply, " I am praticing eating for when I can't see" I thought it was truly genious at the time. :laughing:

I have only one of those really horrifying yet hilarious ones...we were in the checkout line at walmart. The cashier was a really cute, young girl and she was talking to the boy in particular as he sat in the buggy.The kids were around 3 again. Now, walmart has the wonderful sucker stand with those big round lollipops on it. It was sitting at such an angle, that when the boy pointed to the suckers, it looked like he was pointing at the check out girl. My husband nor I really paid any attention to the sucker thing. The boy did. Now, the boy couldn't pronounce the "s" sound. It came out as "f". All of a sudden, he starts yelling and pointing and basically throwing one of those horrible fits that is every parents nightmare, kinda fits-this turns into screaming at the top of his lungs, "I wanna *uck-her, I wanna *uck-her, I wanna *uck-her" Everyone within earshot stops what they are doing at justs looks at us. Finally, we realized he was not saying what it sounded like, but that he just wanted a sucker. lmao

Oh, once when I was very ill,(like the live on the toilet, everything comes out like water ills) the boy came in with me. This was back when the kids were potty training. So, he sits on his little potty, pees and poops and I hand him the toilet paper roll to show him how to tear off a few pieces and wipe. Well, I had kinda forgotten why I was on the throne-I finish my business and realize he ran out of the bathroom with the only roll of toilet paper in the house.( I had gone through so much tp being sick for a few days and my husband was deployed overseas at the time and I hadn't been to the store yet) So...
I'm sitting on the toilet, badly needing toilet paper, the boy wouldn't bring it back to me-all I could hear was the girl doing a laugh/scream thing-the boy was laughing his," I'm doing something bad" laugh. I was literally begging the girl to go into "mommy's bathroom" and get me some wipes (kids butt wipes I kept just for kid **** emergencies in my bathroom). She is yelling back to me, "I can't, I can't".

I finally decide to dig under the cabinet that I could barely reach while doing that waddle with poopy butt cheeks across the bathroom thing. I find a sanitary pad or something that was soft and absorbent, and got myself under control-now it was time to see what was going on in the other room-

I walk into the dining area and see the boy running around as fast as he can, wrapping the TP around his sister who is now wrapped/tied up to the round dining table. Now I knew why she couldn't bring me the tp back. lmao
I took tons of pictures of that and sent them to my husband overseas so he could share in my misfortune. lmao

This happened just the other day-we were watching a show about dinosaurs. The girl comes over to me as I am making breakfast for them. "Mommy, when were dinosaurs around?" I told her, " A long, long,long,long,long,long (add a few more longs in there and you get the picture) time ago." So sweet and innocently she looked at me and said," Oh, so when you were a baby"

Gotta love 'em.
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Old 07-06-2007, 12:19 PM
Location: Home is where we park it.
3,091 posts, read 8,204,834 times
Reputation: 3143
We were driving from Pittsbugh to DC and had stopped en route. The intersection had a Denny's at it. Coming back we wanted to stop at the same intersection but my husband was having trouble remembering exactly where it was. My daughter (12 at the time) piped up from the back seat, but dad...it had a dammit's at it, remember? Then slapped her hand over her mouth KNOWING we were gonna yell at her. We were laughing so hard, tears were rolling. Denny's has been Dammit's ever since. Liz
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Old 07-08-2007, 10:35 PM
Location: Spots Wyoming
18,696 posts, read 35,410,165 times
Reputation: 2147483647
I did a project down in Charleston SC a few years back. My son was with me and we were living in my 5th wheel. Son was about 11 or 12 at the time.

We went grocery shopping. We started down a isle and there was this "HUGE" woman in front of us. She was pushing her cart down the middle of the isle and she'd stop and read a can, move 6 inches and pick up another can and read the stuff on the back, move 6 inches and pick up another. Also, she had a pager on the side of her. We couldn't get around her and she took almost 10 minutes getting down that one isle. So when we got to the end, she turned to the next one and I went over two just to get ahead of her.

We went down that isle and when we rounded the end, there she was in front of us again, reading boxes, moving 6 inches and read another box, move 6 inches. I was behind her and getting ticked. All of a sudden, her pager lights off. Beep Beep Beep. My son throws himself in front of my cart and starts pushing us backwards and in a very loud voice says, "Watch out dad, she's backing up."
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Old 07-09-2007, 01:05 PM
6,550 posts, read 12,606,614 times
Reputation: 3152
This 4th of July we'd planned on taking our 3 y/o daughter to her favorite park which was doing the fireworks and told her that the fireworks would be at her park.

Well, plans changed and we went to a party instead at a house from which you could view the fireworks at the park. So fireworks time comes and <Boom, Boom, Boom> our daughter is so excited. "That's at my park???" She asks. "Yes, honey. They're setting those off at your park.".

So <Boom, Boom, Boom> they continue and eventually end. The party ends and we're driving home and from the back seat in that cute little three year old voice she says, "So is my park all burned up now???"

Hysterical... Maybe one of those "Just had to be there" moments but we were rolling.
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