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Old 04-05-2010, 07:44 PM
Status: "Welcome to N.C. Set clock back 50 years." (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
24,390 posts, read 15,455,896 times
Reputation: 29471
Our son was born with HUGE ears. DH kept telling me "his head will grow into them" but it didn't so when he was 5-before public school we had plastic surgery for him and I think it changed his life. I know how cruel kids can be.

1 daughter has had braces and contacts all before middle school. The two 8 year olds will need braces too and one contacts as well. We would do anything REASONABLE to make them presentable and not embarrassed but I don't think I would go with breast enlargement- tho I would go for breast reduction.

We aren't too vain around here but I would certainly help with skin problems and clean acceptable clothes but none of my kids will wear clothes with somebody's name on it.

As a marketing manager, I explained we are walking advertisements for somebody else to make money off us when we wear label celebrity clothes. Had a friend who had her teenage son wear only clothes with TOMMY on them. He was killed in a terrible accident at 19 and dang if she didn't bury him in a TOMMY sweater.
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Old 04-05-2010, 07:45 PM
 
Location: In a little valley under the Rim
2,214 posts, read 3,701,864 times
Reputation: 1803
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
Self esteem and confidence is more important than looks. A person can be raised with tremendous self esteem no matter what they look like and come out on top. It isn't whether a parent is responsible for looks, because for the most part, looks cannot be changed too easily. It's how the child grows up thinking about themselves.

Sometimes the cutest kids turn out to be the ugliest adults. I've seen this many, many times. Many times, the ugliest kids turn out to be very attractive adults.

I don't think a parent is as responsible for the looks of their offspring as they are for the self esteem and confidence of their offspring.
I think this is a great post. I think it may be harder for some parents to figure out how to do that. Especially if they are harboring issues from their childhood or if they have a hard time relating to their children.

I don't want my sons to think that looks are soooo important. However, my oldest looks like he may end with a unibrow. It is a little iffy right now (he is only 7). It is the one thing I will step in to fix. I don't know why, but a unibrow is very taboo in society. There was a boy in my school that went through most of his childhood with a unibrow. He was a bully and seemed to sneer at everyone. Then halfway through high school he started to shave or wax it. His entire demeanor changed--night and day. He smiled more, talked more, and stopped bullying. Really. Maybe my son would take it better, who knows. But he already doesn't care about looks too much, is brainy, not too good at sports, and is in a world of his own alot. Yet he is social, enjoys playing with other kids, etc. So, yeah, the unibrow will not be happening. It is just bringing it up the right way. Right now, I'm still praying that no more hairs grow in so it won't be an issue.


Quote:
Originally Posted by peptea View Post
maciesmom, i know that i shouldnt blame them, but i still feel resentful. it's irrational.
Some of life's biggest (personal) problems seem irrational. I guess that is one step in the healing process.
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Old 04-05-2010, 07:49 PM
Status: "Welcome to N.C. Set clock back 50 years." (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
24,390 posts, read 15,455,896 times
Reputation: 29471
Also had a friend whose husband was a DELTA PILOT. He made zillions of dollars yet they would not take their children to barber or beauty shops. They wacked on their hair and bought them only garage sale clothes and they always looked like orphan kids.

But Delta Pilots are always known for being real cheap. And this was 15 years ago when times were good. This man actually had people on the lookout for him if they saw a deer road kill and he would go get it and if it was still warm he took it home, dressed it and fed it to his family. Now that is taking frugality to an extreme.
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Old 04-05-2010, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,489 posts, read 1,643,017 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nightcrawler View Post
A parent only has control over certain things, like the above poster said braces wasn't a choice.... I agree, all my boys wore braces and why they ask??, because I am the parent and I want your teeth to be as perfect as they can be, and when you guys are older you will thank me. They did.

As far as hair styles and clothes, well, both me and their mother were and are very fashonable, so they had style at a young age......They were blessed though, none of them had acne, ugh, I had it from 13 till 24.......oh the pain, the pain......I am glad they didn't acne.
To me a parents responsibility and duty is to bring up their kids.

Braces, clothes, behaviour, hair style, everything is initally 100% the parents responsibility. As kids get older then as they show degrees of responsibility then parents can let them make decisions within the boundaries set by the parents. Sometimes even often parents need to draw the line and make the decision.

My belief is that kids who have a firm foundation on which to base their lives are more confident and able to take risks and fail knowing that they have the support of their parents to pick them up and set them on their feet.

So I think parents should teach about hygene, clothes, fashion. If the kid gets bad acne then get the medication or take them to the doctor.

Teach boys how to wear a suit, tie a tie, polish leather shoes and wear them. Take them to the opera, to classical music and to the footie, motor racing. (Obviously you wear the suit to the opera and jeans to motor racing) They learn how to dress and act appropriatly.

I always think it is strange when there are threads about what age girls should wear makeup or high heels. To me girls should be taught makeup and about fashion from an early age. Sure they will experiment in ways that just make you cringe but its about learning. Making mistakes and picking your self up. To me the parent needs to guide this and draw the line when necessary.
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Old 04-05-2010, 07:55 PM
 
122 posts, read 187,781 times
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i think many parents become blinded by the fact that their children are their OWN children. we think that somehow there is a bubble that protects them from nasty social forces. yet i want to tell parents, "remember when you were young? remember when you noticed all the good-looking people? remember that looks were probably an important factor in your decision to date and marry (especially for men)?" well, nobody lives in a bubble.
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Old 04-05-2010, 08:09 PM
 
5,748 posts, read 6,959,316 times
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The bubble that protects children from nasty social forces is unconditional love and acceptance from their parents. All children are teased for one thing or another. I was was the subject of relentless ridicule by a neighbor about my red hair. When I rushed into the house, sobbing hysterically for the umpteenth time, my parents didn't pack me off to the hair dresser for a dye job. They held me, let me cry, and reminded me that I was beautiful in their eyes. Eventually, I got over it and excised that "friend" from my social circle. My father had huge ears that stuck out from his head as a child and has only one upper incisor to this day. I still think he is one of the most handsome men I've ever seen, inside and out, and he's never hurt for friends or success.

Peptea, I am truly sorry that your physical appearance has caused you such pain, but I suspect that even if anybody noticed the issues, they probably didn't matter nearly as much to others as they mattered to you.
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Old 04-13-2012, 06:21 AM
 
Location: HaWaII *******!!
6 posts, read 3,467 times
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I have 2 little girls and my only job is to make sure they can love themselves and other people, be classy, genius and self sufficient. I'm raising 2-triple threats here, lol.
But attractive isnt my job. In my mind I'm keeping my girls safe by fending pervs away, and they longer I can keep them from drooling over my precious girls the better. lol.
Think about it..the ugly duckling turns into a beautiful swan and the rest is a happy ending. But girly in about 10 yrs. all those hot chicks in high school will be has beens, with a bunch of stretch marks and kids hating on your cute boy toy
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Old 04-13-2012, 07:44 AM
 
9,975 posts, read 10,637,407 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 420.AnGIe.808 View Post
In my mind I'm keeping my girls safe by fending pervs away, and they longer I can keep them from drooling over my precious girls the better. lol.
What will you do when they start drooling over the boys? It cuts both ways you know.
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Old 04-13-2012, 09:10 AM
 
Location: here
16,822 posts, read 13,409,714 times
Reputation: 13466
Quote:
Originally Posted by 420.AnGIe.808 View Post
I have 2 little girls and my only job is to make sure they can love themselves and other people, be classy, genius and self sufficient. I'm raising 2-triple threats here, lol.
But attractive isnt my job. In my mind I'm keeping my girls safe by fending pervs away, and they longer I can keep them from drooling over my precious girls the better. lol.
Think about it..the ugly duckling turns into a beautiful swan and the rest is a happy ending. But girly in about 10 yrs. all those hot chicks in high school will be has beens, with a bunch of stretch marks and kids hating on your cute boy toy
interesting priorities.
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Old 04-13-2012, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
4,845 posts, read 2,882,618 times
Reputation: 4920
I had a good childhood, but I wish my parents had made me dress a bit better, especially once I got to high school. I was still wearing rather bland "kiddish" clothing up until my senior year, when I started finally dressing a bit better on my own. It seemed like I constantly wore cheap screen print tshirts and stuff like that, while the "cool" kids were wearing button down shirts, polos, etc.

I also had the same rather dorkish hair cut the whole time I was in high school. Part of it was that I didn't care, but I guess I wish my parents had pushed me to look a bit better. I wasn't ugly, but the bad haircut and lame clothes made me seem more awkward than I needed to be.

A small complaint in the grand scheme of things, I guess.
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