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Old 04-07-2010, 03:53 PM
831 posts, read 1,306,402 times
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I believe in picking your battles with kids. I donít want to be always criticizing my daughter over every little thing. I also think she is at an age where she can start making some of her own choices. I may not agree with all of them, like wearing a hoodie when itís a little too warm for one, but who is it hurting? I feel that I, the parent, am in control of my daughter. I buy all of her clothes so I know she doesnít own any thing I donít approve of like really shot shorts. When she gets hot enough she will take the hoodie off so why make a big deal of it? I remember going to school in the 80ís with a hole in the knee of my jeans because that was the style. I am sure my mom thought it was silly but she didnít say much about it. I donít want to start the teen years always butting heads with my daughter. I want to give her as much freedom as I feel she can handle for her age. Because if I have to have a battle with her, I will win because I am the parent and she knows that. I donít want to always tell her no but when I do she knows I mean business.
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Old 04-07-2010, 04:30 PM
4,805 posts, read 19,556,085 times
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Here's my 2Ę:

1. She's a tweenager. The harder you push, the harder she'll pull. So you are shooting yourself in the foot by nagging her about it.

2. Have you read Judy Bloom ever? If not, you should. Particularly Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret whose opening scene is about deodorant. It might give you some perspective on how your daughter sees the world. If you've already read this book, you might want to read it again; it's so easy to forget the unique agony that is tweenagerhood.

3. You are a self-avowed anal freak about cleanliness. So perhaps you are equally at fault here. Lots of people only shower every other day. Even more only wash their hair every other day (and even with the enthusiastic blessing of their hairdresser, because daily washing is terrible for your hair!). And clothes can be worn more than once and still be clean.

4. You don't know what she's wearing while she's at school. Maybe there are kids teasing her, and maybe the classrooms are really cold. Or both. And does she have gym some days where she perhaps showers there? Try to find out more about what's behind this than just what you see her leave and come home in.

5. Try a compromise and take it slowly. Take her shopping for some more hoodies, so she's not wearing the same one every day. Help her find some bras with sufficient padding to help any nipple showing if the classrooms are cold. Stick to one battle, the clothes, for now. Tackle the daily showers, if you still insist she must to be considered clean in your eyes, in a few weeks. Don't try to do it all at once.
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Old 04-07-2010, 05:04 PM
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Her peers will resolve the issue eventually. Make sure you get her the products she wants and needs when she is ready.

I thought there was no hope for my oldest nephew - you needed to check the wind direction before you got near him (really). He's now happily married with children.

The problem will take care of itself.
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Old 04-08-2010, 12:47 PM
2,890 posts, read 5,152,172 times
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Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
What do you mean by that? Do you mean parents should pick their kid's outfits daily and buy their clothes? Or do you mean they should just not allow their kids to wear certain things? I don't think a parent should decide what a kid should wear every day, but if the outfit is inaproppriate then by all means should the parent step in.
Parents should control what is in the closet - no hooker clothes allowed. How they put them together belongs to the kids. Keep criticism to a low - this is the only time of life that really allows personal expression. Don't forget what it's like to be a kid.
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Old 04-08-2010, 09:21 PM
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 2,653,749 times
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Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
What do you mean by that? Do you mean parents should pick their kid's outfits daily and buy their clothes? Or do you mean they should just not allow their kids to wear certain things? I don't think a parent should decide what a kid should wear every day, but if the outfit is inaproppriate then by all means should the parent step in.
The parent may decide what the child wears every day but I would see that as the extreme. The other extreme is the parent who has absolutely no control over what the child wears.

So if the kid can go shopping and buy clothes that the parent considers appropriate then the parent can back off. If on the other hand the kid buys clothes that the parent sees as inappropriate then I believe that the parent should take closer control. To me if you wait till the kid puts it on, then it is too late. Work at the wardrobe level. The other thing is to set the expectation before they put the clothes on rather than deal with it after they have put them on. Finally as far as schools are concerned. School uniforms solve the problem

There are times when we will tell our kids exactly what to wear but most of the time they will choose but we ensure that everything in their wardrobe is acceptable. Every time clothes are purchased we the parents have a look. Mind you our oldest is only 13 so she has only just started to want to go clothes shopping on her own with her friends.
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Old 04-09-2010, 11:09 PM
Location: Montgomery Village, MD
516 posts, read 1,194,224 times
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What about taking her for a girls day out, get a mani and a pedi, go buy her some new shirts that she feels comfortable in, some cardigans for cold days, get her hair done, etc. Maybe if she feels confident then she will take pride in her appearance and stop wearing hoodies and not wearing deoderant.

One thing to point out is that often times I don't think moms (and I'm not saying that you are like this, just my experience) take the time to teach a girl how to be a woman. Show her it's special to be a woman, and that she can take pride in what she looks like..
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Old 04-09-2010, 11:18 PM
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,295 posts, read 12,341,071 times
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Originally Posted by deb8997 View Post
Ok im at my wits end with my 12 year old daughter's poor hygiene. Her daily showering has gotten better,i used to have to fight with her to shower.she does now regularly, well the problem is with her wearing big sweatshirts over a nice t shirt on a 90 degree day. today it was hot here in jersey,she has a regular tshirt on then a long sleeve hoodie. i asked her today that she made sure she put on deoderant and brought it with her cause i knew she was going to be hot.she refused to wear anything that is tight against her body and big t shirts she wont wear. so today she comes home and her body odor was bad, i tried explaning to her that kids in school can be mean and will make fun of her for smelling bad,she just says whatever like she just dont care. im sorry im real anal when it comes to cleanliness.so i do get on her alot. but i feel im getting on her too much and its making it worse. should i just let her be and find out for herself?
As other people have mentioned, I'd be concerned that something was going on at school that made her want to cover up.

But it could just be a style thing.

Quit being so 'anal when it comes to cleanliness'. A lot of people would think that it WAS clean to avoid putting chemical onto your skin daily. Those people would have a point.
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Old 04-10-2010, 12:20 AM
5,703 posts, read 15,481,614 times
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Hoodies are a big deal to kids. My son is a hoodie wearing soul. We had a nice break in the weather last week, it about 80's degrees. Guess what he had on? A darn hoodie. He made me hot just looking at him. Then I noticed the kids in the neighborhood, same thing. All wearing hoodies. But when it was cold out, I saw kids wearing shorts. I personally think they are trying to annoy us. My son's hygiene is not too swift either. He starts to break out in acne and getting him to understand that washing his face regularly will stop this for the most part. I have several friends with teenagers and they all complain about the same thing. There was one hoodie he would wear several times a week. I finally hid it. Took it out of circulation for a while.
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Old 04-10-2010, 10:28 AM
1,425 posts, read 3,520,891 times
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My son's cover up was a leather jacket and sunglasses. He wore them everywhere, even in the darn summer. It lasted up until this spring. He shocked us by not wearing the jacket this past week when it was warm. He even commented on how he knows he's gonna surprise us and leave it at home.
He went through the deodorant thing too. We pretty much let it go unless we were offended nasally. Then we'd tell him he needed to defunkify himself. There were times I had to leave a convo with him... I'd say, "son, I really want to talk to you about XXX, but I can't breathe and my eyes are watering.... go deodorize". Now he showers constantly and there isn't a funk issue in our home... at least for now... the next boy is almost 12.
I remember when I was a teenager, it drove my momma nuts that I wore HUGE tshirts and sweatshirts (hoodies weren't as abundant). I was super skinny and boobless.

Your daughter needs to feel free to wear what she wants (not hookerwear, lol) and you have a right to have a pleasant smelling atmosphere in your home.
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:18 AM
304 posts, read 764,171 times
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I agree.

Your line is hygeine - no stinky!

Her line is choice - hoody? Okay.

I completely agree that a hoodie is better than a sheer halter top!
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