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Old 05-12-2018, 06:49 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
49,645 posts, read 49,132,357 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by upsadaisy View Post
i say yes and no maam/sir. For me it's just a polite thing.

My boss is really into it. We can call her by her first name but the other day she flipped out on me and was like, "you will stand up straight and call me maam and show some respect". Yea ok lol let me do that in the middle of the busiest shift ever.

i think it depends on where you live
It does. The Sir/Ma'am bit is not a thing in NJ, but if I'd moved my kid to somewhere that this was a social norm, I would have instructed my kid to use the terms when speaking to adults.
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Old 05-12-2018, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post

Yes, ma'am. <salute> If you say so, ma'am.

My kids talk like intelligent human beings with a sense of with whom they are speaking regardless of their age. Nuts, I know.
Congrats. Mine are too

I haven't prompted them to say "sir" or "ma'am" in YEARS, and they still do it by choice. They also are really good at meeting people "where they're at," though, and will assess a situation and speak to people as they wish to be addressed.

I like living in a region where this kind of respectful behavior is appreciated and not denigrated, and I cannot imagine being the kind of person who would be offended at being addressed with respect. Ridiculing others for doing something out of kindness only proves my point, so thanks for making it easy.
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Old 05-16-2018, 06:16 PM
 
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I think if you call your elders Ma'am or Sir it shows some respect
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Old 05-17-2018, 11:34 AM
 
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It varies.

But I remember my mother teaching me something about this; she pointed out to me just how ridiculous it would be for me, a 5 year old (I guess I was about that age) to call our next door neighbors "Sam" and "Bea" instead of "Mr. and Mrs. Kingston".

I think adults should be Mr or Mrs or Miss or Ms or "sir" or "ma'am" until they invite otherwise. Relatives should be "Uncle this" and "Aunt that" until the child is a mature adult at least. A much older cousin probably ought to be "Cousin x" until the child is an adult, but in a lot of families much-older cousins who aren't first cousins are often called "Aunt" even though they aren't. (This is in Texas.)
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Old 05-17-2018, 04:08 PM
 
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Good grief. This topic always gets so weirdly controversial as if it's going to hurt someone to have to say sir or ma'am (or refer to someone as Mrs or Miss or Mr.)

I see nothing wrong with a minor saying "sir" or "ma'am" etc. (or an adult using those words to an elderly adult that they don't know well.)

But it's not even about the words. Sir and Ma'am etc are the equivalent of a behavioral mnenomic device to prevent us from being sloppy and rude with our language. If you are saying "sir" it is like a mental reminder to check your attitude and how you are coming across.
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Old 05-17-2018, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
Good grief. This topic always gets so weirdly controversial as if it's going to hurt someone to have to say sir or ma'am (or refer to someone as Mrs or Miss or Mr.)

I see nothing wrong with a minor saying "sir" or "ma'am" etc. (or an adult using those words to an elderly adult that they don't know well.)

But it's not even about the words. Sir and Ma'am etc are the equivalent of a behavioral mnenomic device to prevent us from being sloppy and rude with our language. If you are saying "sir" it is like a mental reminder to check your attitude and how you are coming across.
That is an interesting thought that I think probably has some validity.

On another note, the controversy in the topic has nothing to do with it hurting someone to have to use a title of respect. The controversy comes when the faction to whom that is a definitive sign of respect where they live insist that it should be such everywhere, and then the faction who does not live where that is the cultural norm sees that as a criticism of their respectfulness.
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Old 05-19-2018, 07:02 PM
 
15,358 posts, read 12,840,090 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
It's not what they should say that's different.

You CAN'T imagine?

Some examples my 14-year-old might say to friends that I would not want him saying to the 62-year-old neighbor:

"What up, bro?"

"Shut up. That's insane!"

"Get TF outta here!"
Lol

Many of my students say “What up Ms B?” when ever they come to class. Good, respectful, community minded kids. Many of whom are volunteering their time tomorrow, the Sunday after prom, to a community event for which they get nothing.

Respect has nothing to do with an arbitrary set of language rules, but actual behavior and consideration. For example, they have mentors who are typically PhDs. Most of those mentors ask them to call the, by their first names rather than Dr. So and so. Which would be more respectful, using someone’s preferred address or an arbitrary rule?
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Old 05-22-2018, 12:53 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
6,708 posts, read 4,058,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
That is an interesting thought that I think probably has some validity.

On another note, the controversy in the topic has nothing to do with it hurting someone to have to use a title of respect. The controversy comes when the faction to whom that is a definitive sign of respect where they live insist that it should be such everywhere, and then the faction who does not live where that is the cultural norm sees that as a criticism of their respectfulness.
This.

It is not a thing on the West Coast, regionally speaking. I picked it up when I lived in the South and have received weird looks when I use it here. I have not raised my kids to use sir/ma'am, but they do know basic manners besides titles and such. They usually say "Ms." and "Mr." when addressing adults.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Lol

Many of my students say “What up Ms B?” when ever they come to class. Good, respectful, community minded kids. Many of whom are volunteering their time tomorrow, the Sunday after prom, to a community event for which they get nothing.

Respect has nothing to do with an arbitrary set of language rules, but actual behavior and consideration. For example, they have mentors who are typically PhDs. Most of those mentors ask them to call the, by their first names rather than Dr. So and so. Which would be more respectful, using someone’s preferred address or an arbitrary rule?
I agree. I know several people that don't want to be called sir or ma'am or don't prefer arbitrary titles at all. It's just not a thing here and many other places.
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Old 05-22-2018, 01:37 PM
 
3,550 posts, read 1,191,083 times
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I was born, and lived in Florida til I was 12. We were raised with sir and ma'am. I still say it to people. Even if they're younger than me. I think it has morphed for me in to showing respect for everyone.


Buying something at the gas station. Attendant says "Want a bag for that?" "Yes ma'am."


"Would you like a refill on your water?" "Yes sir."


It's just ingrained, and it's a way I show MY respect.
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Old 05-22-2018, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,033 posts, read 21,770,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I was born, and lived in Florida til I was 12. We were raised with sir and ma'am. I still say it to people. Even if they're younger than me. I think it has morphed for me in to showing respect for everyone.


Buying something at the gas station. Attendant says "Want a bag for that?" "Yes ma'am."


"Would you like a refill on your water?" "Yes sir."


It's just ingrained, and it's a way I show MY respect.
No problem.

The problem arises when people get in a huff and make comments about other people not being respectful for *not* using those honorifics or when they make some comment that they use those words because THEY were "raised right". Or my personal favorite, "It's better than saying 'hey you,' " as if that's the singular alternative to "excuse me ma'am".
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