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Old 04-11-2010, 08:34 PM
 
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I was raised to call all elder adults by Aunt, Uncle, Gramma, Grampa, Sir or Mamn. I expect the same from my kids. They know to call my brother Uncle Bob or his wife Aunt Linda. It shows respect plain and simple. Too many kids today feel they are entitled to some sort of higher, holier than art thou treatment. That's why there are so many spoiled rotten, self righteous brats running around thinking the world owes them a favor.
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Old 04-11-2010, 10:53 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
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I make sure that my kids say "please" and "thank you" as well as "sir" and "mam." There are some adults who don't like being called Mr. Smith or Mrs. Smith (for example) so they are allowed to address them by their first names, but they have to say Ms. Lisa (for example) or Mr. John (for example) with it! I don't allow them to just say Lisa or John as if it's one of their friends.
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Old 04-12-2010, 11:20 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 3 hours ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,045 posts, read 50,339,262 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aecx2 View Post
This is interesting...I had no idea that people would be offended by the use of ma'am or sir! I grew up in TN and MS and am in TX now and I still use the terms when interacting with people. It was ingrained in me that those terms were used by polite people who had been taught manners, to do otherwise would imply the opposite.
It's definitely a southern thing and not considered bad manners not to use "sir" and "ma'am" in other parts of the country any more than Japanese people should expect people in the US to bow to one another.

It's not necessarily offensive, but in regions where it's not commonly used, it can sound like false, exaggerated courtesy, and that can get you in trouble!

On the other hand, a northerner in the south might want to adopt the local customs!
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Old 04-12-2010, 11:29 AM
 
5,748 posts, read 10,493,340 times
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Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
Yes, and Mr. and Mrs. too. I'm amazed how many kids use my first name. Its important to differentiate that adults are not you peers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
You're right, I "don't give a crap" how another adult wants to be addressed. What I DO care about is that my child grows up understanding that kids are not the same as adults and she is not to presume that she is. She is to respect adults as a whole and understand the boundaries. She is not a personal friend of an adult and shouldn't call anyone who is grown up by their first name. No child should IMO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by magoomafoo View Post
I was raised to call all elder adults by Aunt, Uncle, Gramma, Grampa, Sir or Mamn. I expect the same from my kids. They know to call my brother Uncle Bob or his wife Aunt Linda. It shows respect plain and simple. Too many kids today feel they are entitled to some sort of higher, holier than art thou treatment. That's why there are so many spoiled rotten, self righteous brats running around thinking the world owes them a favor.
I'm fascinated by the exclusive focus on a child demonstrating respect in this scenario, which neglects the benefit to the adult in the exchange. I see things a bit differently. As an adult, I appreciate it immensely when a young person addresses me by surname. In a culture that encourages and rewards protracted adolescence, it's a gentle reminder that I am an adult and should conduct myself as one. Casual observation would have me believe that there are lots of other grown-ups who need regular reminders, too.

Last edited by formercalifornian; 04-12-2010 at 11:43 AM..
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Old 04-12-2010, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,129 posts, read 22,069,470 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
It's definitely a southern thing and not considered bad manners not to use "sir" and "ma'am" in other parts of the country any more than Japanese people should expect people in the US to bow to one another.

It's not necessarily offensive, but in regions where it's not commonly used, it can sound like false, exaggerated courtesy, and that can get you in trouble!

On the other hand, a northerner in the south might want to adopt the local customs!
Well put. When in a part of the country/world where the local custom is different than you're used to, it is always good manners to try to acclimate. It is also good manners when you know someone who was brought up where the custom is different from your own, to understand that "different" is not necessarily disrespectful or poor-mannered.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:01 PM
 
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My kids typically don't use "Mr." or "Mrs." In my circle of friends, it's common for them to use "Miss Anne" or just "Anne." Honestly, I also don't feel the need to differentiate myself from other people's children by making them call me something other than my name. *shrug* All of the children I know, know that they're children. I know I'm an adult no matter who is calling me by which name. If Johnny is calling me "Mrs. Jones" and not listening to what I'm telling me, he is still disrespectful. If Suzie is calling me by my first name and acting in a respectful manner, then I'll invite her over before Johnny!
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:27 PM
 
Location: NJ
17,579 posts, read 38,229,950 times
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I am surprised by how many people automatically equate how a child identifies an adult with respect.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:38 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,976,777 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Occam's Bikini Wax View Post
I think an adult should be addressed how they wish to be addresses, not how the parent of the child thinks they should be addressed. If someone your child interacts with expects the formal (and rather obsequious IMHO) address of sir or ma'am, then by all means they should receive that.

Personally, if I am going to be interacting with a child more than once, I would prefer to be called simply by my first name. Manners/respect are easily indicated by tone of voice and please/thank you rather than the outdated and stuffy sir/ma'am.
My children know that when an adult invites them to use their first name, they politely decline. They follow MY rules. It does always amaze me how an adult can be so brazen as to try to tell my children how to behave.

I don't think it has anything to do with what you'd rather be called. I don't so much care what other kids call me, its not my job to teach them manners.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,129 posts, read 22,069,470 times
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Quote:
It does always amaze me how an adult can be so brazen as to try to tell my children how to behave.
Unless they are INSISTING they go against your wishes, I don't think anyone is trying to tell your children how to behave....It sounds like it is more of an invitation rather than a command. If they continue on after your child has politely declined, THEN there might be an issue. There is nothing wrong with letting people know how you'd prefer to be addressed - whether it's "Mrs. Smith", "Ms. Smith", "Miss Elizabeth", or Elizabeth.
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Old 04-12-2010, 12:51 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,976,777 times
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Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
And how do you feel about DOCTORS you have never met in your life who come in the room and address you by your first name and expect to be called Dr. XYZ. This really ticks me off.


I'm 63 and have resented this since I was first going alone to doctors. It breeds a one sided sense of respect andd familiarity. I actually screwed up my nerve once time and said "I'm fine Bob, how are you " to a new doctor. He laughed and said "Touche" He was my doctor for many years and often told me my answer was a very important lesson he needed to learn. He thanked me for how I handled it and we still joke about it. We are both now on first name basis and he asked if we could be.

How do you feel about that?

And boundary lines are not blurred with respectful honorifics regarding young children. It's just good manners. We have had teachers compliment us on how our kids address them and say it is very rare but speaks volumes about how we are raising our children.

Love it! I completely agree... he should have referred to you by MR. X, and you to him as Dr. Y, until you both agreed to be on a first name basis. You can now be "peers".

That is not an option for my child, they cannot be "peers" with adults, for respect issues AND safety issues.
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