5 year old is acting out and has trouble making friends

[CraigCreek]

Tinynot, there's not much you can do other than to establish boundaries within your own home if this child's parents aren't willing to step up to the plate or think his behavior is "cute" (it's not, of course. It's obnoxious). How old is he?

Meanwhile, keep this out-of-control child where he's least likely to do damage. Make him play in the back yard until it's mealtime. Move the breakables. Have him do a lot of physical running around or other harmless physical exercise, to burn off some of that energy. If his family shows up unexpectedly, don't let them in - find some reason to be very busy with some other activity (even if it's just driving around the block). But if you know they are coming, get ready.

Sit down with him, one-on-one, and tell him (in simple terms) what your house rules are - "We have rules in this house. We don't throw things indoors. We don't break things on purpose. Children don't come in the kitchen while I'm cooking. Maybe you didn't know some of these rules, so that's why I am telling you. Now, tell me what I just said". The last to see if any of this is sinking in - you may want to just give him the two main "rules" before asking him to repeat them back to you. It may also help to tell him WHY you have "house rules" - i.e. "We don't throw things because we might accidentally break something or hurt someone". If you can conduct this "rule interview/intervention" without any parental audience, and keep eye contact with him the whole time, it's more likely to make an impression. You could also have him draw pictures to illustrate the "house rules", and give him high praise for his efforts. If he behaves, give him a gold star - a stick-on one, or a handmade cut out one he can wear (on a long piece of yarn knotted loosely, over his head. He has to take it off before he climbs trees or plays on playground equipment).

If he recites the "rules" and still acts up, stop him and ask him about the rules again: "What are our rules? Right, no throwing things in the house. What did you just do? That's right, you threw the ball inside. Why are you not supposed to do that? That's right, someone could get hurt (or you could break something). That's why I have to put the ball away, to help you remember. Now, sit down here in time-out and think about what you did for a while (minutes=child's age)". The usual Supernanny procedure - sit, have him repeat to make sure he understands what he did wrong, have him say "Sorry", hugs and off he goes. Outside, one hopes.

Good luck - this little boy badly needs some caring adult authority figure to put some boundaries in place and provide guidance.

It also occurs to me that much of this misbehavior could well-be attention seeking - do his parents actively play with him, read to him, talk with him, etc.? Or is he in day care most of his waking hours, then with them in front of the TV the rest of the time?

[tinynot]

Thanks for the support. To be truthful, he has spent most of the last couple of years in pre-school, then gymnastics, tried karate, at Grandmas every weekend, grandpa picks him up and entertains him til
6;00 o'clock and I am pretty sure he is in bed by 8 or 9. So time with parents, about 3 hours a day.
Really ticks me off too.

[brokencrayola]

I think you need to have your daughter evaluated. It is possible she has Aspergers, an autism spectrum disorder where the children act out and have trouble socializing. No matter what the issue is, she should be evaluated by a child psychologist.

[purehuman]

Felicitev21....I think she's having trouble because she's just sooooo young....I've never known any 4 year olds that have lots of friends, she doesn't sound like a very happy child....maybe she's just not ready for kindergarten, I'm thinking this little gal just needs more time with her mommy, or someone else close.