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2) How could they "hide" activities at your daughter's school from you? Have you asked the school to send the information to you separately? Or have you made it the responsibility of your ex's new wife to let you know what's going on in your daughter's life? It sounds like you are absolving your ex of all responsibility (ie, emails, custody, PCSing) as well as yourself.
The courts will look at how you manage (or don't) being a single mom. The stepmom can't stop the school from sending you emails/class newsletters. She can't stop you from calling the teacher or keeping abreast of school activities. She CAN point out that you're not there AGAIN. The courts will look at this stuff - if YOU rely on this woman to take care of your child & her needs, then why wouldn't they?
Edited because the response above was written while I was composing.
--Don't troll your friends for eyewitnesses about how happy your child is. Don't put your friends in the middle of this. That's a bad thing to do. It only makes you sound like your primary concern is being judged 'better' rather than doing what is best for the child.
--The fact that you have now worked out the duplicate school calendar issue should put this matter to bed and likely the judge won't really consider it significant. So long as you are actually attending school events. But merely having a copy of the calendar isn't enough, you actually have to be there.
--You say it was in the interest of your daughter, but the court will wonder, why aren't you capable of taking on the responsibility that was assigned to you? You were told to care for your daughter 80% of the time yet you are pushing almost half of that on your ex. It sounds like you are not capable of being the primary caregiver. If you want the court to leave the custody arrangement as-is, you need to own the responsibility given to you. Enforce the court decree and keep your daughter 80% of the time.
-- It would probably be in your best interests to not try to draw your ex into this before mediation. For starters, him not being involved in the dispute shows he isn't really that interested and that won't look good in court. Secondly, it doesn't sound like you are still able to have amicable conversations any more and that won't look good for you, to get into a fight. At the very least, your lawyer should be present when you speak to him, even if it is before mediation.
--Remember too, it doesn't sound like your ex is really your opponent in this battle. She is. And even if you win this round, she can always flle another appeal. She can make your life a living hell. You need to find a way to put an end to this completely. That may mean sitting down with your lawyer and HER rather than your ex. Or at least both of them together. I get the sense that you are trying to excise her from the equation, and that is neither a wise approach pragmatically speaking, nor is it how the courts will view the situation.
--I think the new wife being a possible stay-at-home parent is something the courts have to consider. What happens if both you and your ex are deployed at the same time? Who will care for the child. The new wife presents a viable caregiver and it would be in the best interests of the child for her to have an established relationship with that caregiver should this situation become reality.
--Nowhere in your post do I see any indication that the new wife is a bad caregiver. All I see is the argument that you need to be validated as a good mom and are defending your 'territory'. It sounds like you are arguing the merits of your own pride, rather than the interests of the child. That won't look good for the court. If you want to defeat her, you will need to be on the offensive, not merely the defensive.
The major thing i'm concerned with is that she's done some scary things in the presence of my child. in the past month shes alleged that my child might be autistic or have add to her teacher and a therapist. the teacher thinks she's going way overboard. stepmom wants her put on meds. my child is starting to have emotional problems and is now being put into therapy over this case. I am doing everything i can to keep it away from my daughter so she doesnt know what's happening.
i made a mistake allowing 50/50. i did it because i thought it would make my daughter happiest. and it did until the last year. i have been advised to continue along with 50/50 until the guardian does their investigation.
Maybe it wasnt the best idea posting on here. I dont mean to waste anyone's time. Thanks for the responses. All i want is for my daughter to be ok. I am doing everything i can for her to be ok. If I felt for a second I was doing the wrong thing I would stop. They plan to move at the conclusion of this case, and they have no plans to agree to anything less than sole custody in mediation.
Anyway...thanks for the response.
If you do not have a lawyer yet, get one NOW! Even if your ex becomes custodial parent, he (stop thinking in terms of they) still needs permission from you and/or the courts to move out of that jurisdiction.
Keep your focus, although the new wife may want custody, may even have a wonderful relationship with your child, she is a step-parent and has NO STANDING before the courts. I'm sure she likes the idea of reducing child support to nothing and/or having YOU being forced to pay child support. Keep that in mind. Your issue is not with her. Your child has 2 parents: a mother and a father. She may be lucky and have a loving, caring, capable step-parent. Think of it this way: if something happened to your ex-husband, who gets custody - without a question? NOT the new wife - who also cannot be held financially responsible for your child. So don't let her become your enemy or your opponent.
Thank you Annie. I do have a wonderful attorney. I get frustrated at times because his attorney is slow and is not doing his job. My attorney has done all the work and she has assured me that we need to take the high road and not use the tactics they are using. His attorney keeps dragging things out and as time goes on, the more strange and dramatic things his wife thinks up.
My daughter cries every Sunday and tells me she doesnt want to go to her dads. I tell her that daddy loves her very much and that they will have fun together. I dont know why, as they always had a great relationship prior to him getting married. I can not change visitation for now until the guardian starts to work. I addressed the issue with her father and he dismissed my concerns. All of the legal stuff aside...what can i be doing to make this easier on my daughter? The situation is clearly affecting her and I dont know what I can do to make her feel it less. I made her a therapy appt in the hopes that maybe they can give me some insight on how to provide her some peace and get her through this.
I think you are doing mostly everything you can do to make it easier on her. And the therapy is a good plan. Other than that, let the therapist do some play therapy and see what s/he comes up with. Maybe something will come out of the therapy session.
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