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hi does anyone remember the natalie holloway case ? there is no way I would let a child even that age out of my sight . the world is just too dangerous of a place not to have some sort of eye on your kid or someone else's . There is no way I would let spring break come along and my kid go by themselves somewhere .
The world is a dangerous place if you're uneducated about safety while travelling to an unfamiliar place. Natalie Holloway cearly did not exhibit safe behaviors while in Aruba. Her case was completely preventable, so it's not like she was killed by some random guy. She CHOSE to go in the car.
I'm not saying I would let my highschooler go on spring break alone (the alcohol issue would be my main concern) but it's not like Natalie was randomly abducted.
I guess I feel differently about it, because my daughter goes away to summer camp every year for two weeks, without us (the parents). Of course it is a camp and it is different than spring break, but we don't live in the same state that the camp is located in, so there is still a trust factor there. Again, senior in high school yes, but not until that time. Might as well get her prepared for what she will probably face in college.
Once a child turns 18 there is something wrong with the parent who believes it's still their place to prevent their child from making decisions. Your child is an adult it's time to let go. I remember during the case of Natalie Halloway some people questioning why her parents let her go to Aruba-she was 18 at the time ffs.
Your question is really too vague to get my opinion. It depends on the age, sex (yes, I'm more protective over my daughters than sons), destination, and responsibility of the child in question.
My general philosophy about parenting is that the parent needs to slowly transition their child to adulthood by allowing the child to make more of her/his own decisions but also shoulder more responsibility. My rule of thumb is that by 16 I would allow either my son or daughter to go on spring break by themselves provided they didn't have a track record of poor decision making abilities and the destination wasn't obnoxious. Between 14-16 I'd be very hesitant and anytime before I'd just about always say no unless it was supervised. I would never pay for the trip though. He/She can demonstrate their responsibility by getting a job and saving.
Yes, your child will probably get drunk and do other things you won't approve of. Part of growing up though by 16, they have just 2 years left before they're standing alone-or at least SHOULD be standing alone.
I guess I feel differently about it, because my daughter goes away to summer camp every year for two weeks, without us (the parents). Of course it is a camp and it is different than spring break, but we don't live in the same state that the camp is located in, so there is still a trust factor there. Again, senior in high school yes, but not until that time. Might as well get her prepared for what she will probably face in college.
Same here except my children were gone for most of the summer. Between summer camp, boy scout trips, and vacationing with friend's families, my son was only home for three separate weeks on summer and one of those weeks was away on vacation with us. He has been all over the country and even to different countries.
One year, he sailed the Florida Keys with the boy scouts. After the sailing trip, the boys spent the day in Key West. He must have been 16 at the time. They went off on their own using the buddy system and had a blast. The boy scouts really prepares children to be independent. Supervised trips are never 100% supervised.
I can't even remember how young he was when he started going away on week long trips. He has been doing it since elementary school probably. As he got older, he would go away for longer periods of time and on multiple different trips or summer camps.
He turns 18 this week and he is going away with friends to an outdoor concert area with campsites. I'm not the least bit worried. He has plenty of experience with independence throughout his life.
We have 100 acre camp about 3 hours away. He plans to take friends there to spend a few weeks in the summer. I'm totally fine with that too.
Since he has had increasing freedom and independence throughout his life, he is totally ready to make his own decisions now that he is officially an adult. Since he has been making smart decisions, there is no reason for me to believe he won't continue to make smart decisions into adulthood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StefanProgovac
Once a child turns 18 there is something wrong with the parent who believes it's still their place to prevent their child from making decisions. Your child is an adult it's time to let go.
I totally agree. My children living at home and my paying for college doesn't change how I feel about that either. I don't understand why some parents use that to manipulate their children from being independent. If you raise them right, they should be able to make smart decisions without being manipulated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StefanProgovac
Yes, your child will probably get drunk and do other things you won't approve of. Part of growing up though by 16, they have just 2 years left before they're standing alone-or at least SHOULD be standing alone.
Absolutely! If they dont' have enough freedom to make those mistakes, they go absolutely nuts when they turn 18 and make terrible decisions. Parents preventing their children from having enough freedom to make bad decisions don't allow their children to learn how to make smart decisions on their own. A child can't learn to be independent if someone else always makes decisions for them. Parents who do that don't realize that they are raising a follower instead of a leader. When they leave home, who will they follow if they didn't learn how to lead themselves and only followed their parents? That's serious food for thought. I've seen many children who were smothered by their parents make TERRIBLE life changing decisions when they finally had freedom.
You are obviously not the parent of a teen. You can't keep teens within your sight 100% of the time. It's not good for them and it's not good for their parents. Kids grow up.
Im sorry but you could not be more wrong I am mom to two grown up sons who are quite well adjusted and have excellent jobs and both own their own homes outright . they were raised very strictly and I have never regretted it seeing how they turned out .
Once a child turns 18 there is something wrong with the parent who believes it's still their place to prevent their child from making decisions. Your child is an adult it's time to let go. I remember during the case of Natalie Halloway some people questioning why her parents let her go to Aruba-she was 18 at the time ffs.
Your question is really too vague to get my opinion. It depends on the age, sex (yes, I'm more protective over my daughters than sons), destination, and responsibility of the child in question.
My general philosophy about parenting is that the parent needs to slowly transition their child to adulthood by allowing the child to make more of her/his own decisions but also shoulder more responsibility. My rule of thumb is that by 16 I would allow either my son or daughter to go on spring break by themselves provided they didn't have a track record of poor decision making abilities and the destination wasn't obnoxious. Between 14-16 I'd be very hesitant and anytime before I'd just about always say no unless it was supervised. I would never pay for the trip though. He/She can demonstrate their responsibility by getting a job and saving.
Yes, your child will probably get drunk and do other things you won't approve of. Part of growing up though by 16, they have just 2 years left before they're standing alone-or at least SHOULD be standing alone.
I have to disagree with an 18 year old being an "adult". I know under the law they have some legal rights but until you are fully supporting yourself, you are not a full adult. If a high school student happens to turn 18 in September, does that automatically make them an adult, no. How about our son that won't be 18 until this summer but graduates from high school in June at 17, is he not an adult because his driver's license says he is still only 17. I don't really get hung up on age vs situation and until our kids are fully supporting themselves we will have a say in what they do. Granted, in college they will be able to do a LOT more than they can in high school.
Im sorry but you could not be more wrong I am mom to two grown up sons who are quite well adjusted and have excellent jobs and both own their own homes outright . they were raised very strictly and I have never regretted it seeing how they turned out .
Actually, I am very strict also, but it is unreasonable to keep a teenager within a parent's sight 100% of the time.
I have to disagree with an 18 year old being an "adult". I know under the law they have some legal rights but until you are fully supporting yourself, you are not a full adult. If a high school student happens to turn 18 in September, does that automatically make them an adult, no. How about our son that won't be 18 until this summer but graduates from high school in June at 17, is he not an adult because his driver's license says he is still only 17. I don't really get hung up on age vs situation and until our kids are fully supporting themselves we will have a say in what they do. Granted, in college they will be able to do a LOT more than they can in high school.
Actually, they ARE adults when they turn 18. They are young adults, but adults all the same. It's not a technicality. It is the actual law of the land.
It's not just a matter of rights, it's also a matter of responsibility. If an 18 year old commits a crime he is considered an adult under the law. If he signs a contract, he is bound by its terms, etc.....He votes. He can sign up for the military without your permission. He can see whatever movies he likes. About the only thing he cannot do at age 18 is drink alcohol (US only).
I think it is completely reasonable to set house rules for a young adult living with his parents. However, those house rules should be consistent with the fact that the child is an ADULT. I think it's fine to require your child to let you know where he will be and when you can expect him home. I don't think it's ok to require him to ask your permission to go on a trip. As an adult he should be able to go wherever he wants, whenever he wants to go there.
I think it is fine to tell a child that you will allow them to live at home for free as long as they are in school and maintaining a reasonable GPA. I do not think it's ok to hold that over their head as a way to control them though. If you want them out of the house, then send them out of the house. If it's ok with you that your adult child live at home with you, then set the ground rules but it's unreasonable to expect an adult to ask permission to go on a trip. It's unreasonable of the child to ask the parents to pay, but if the child is paying I really do not think that you should have any say over where he goes, or how he spends his money.
If you do not want to pay for things for them, simply say no but don't use money as a way to control them in adulthood.
I have to disagree with an 18 year old being an "adult". I know under the law they have some legal rights but until you are fully supporting yourself, you are not a full adult. If a high school student happens to turn 18 in September, does that automatically make them an adult, no. How about our son that won't be 18 until this summer but graduates from high school in June at 17, is he not an adult because his driver's license says he is still only 17. I don't really get hung up on age vs situation and until our kids are fully supporting themselves we will have a say in what they do. Granted, in college they will be able to do a LOT more than they can in high school.
Well if he is still 18 and you're still paying his bills I guess it's "fair play" to black mail him into making the decisions you want by threatening to stop paying. You should keep in mind that you're prolonging his childhood both by controlling his decisions and by paying his bills. If my adult child ever fell on hard times I'd support them for a couple months until they bounced back on their feet-but I'd treat them as an adult, I wouldn't let them just move in and resume our old father-son/daughter relationship. I'd treat them as a good friend on hard times, and expect/require them to get out soon.
I was kicked out at 16 from my parent's home and while I made some terrible decisions right off the bat I learned from them and got my act together. By the time I was 18 I was better at making adult decisions than any of my peers who lived with their parents until 18. There is an adult in that 17 year old son of yours, he just has to be allowed to attempt things on his own, fail on his own, and learn on his own. That's how we progress, from our own failures and attempts.
The world is a dangerous place if you're uneducated about safety while travelling to an unfamiliar place. Natalie Holloway cearly did not exhibit safe behaviors while in Aruba. Her case was completely preventable, so it's not like she was killed by some random guy. She CHOSE to go in the car.
Natalie Holloway is a perfect example of a girl who seemed responsible and how easily a responsible girl can get caught up in getting attention from a boy and what happens when alcohol gets involved. She made some dumb decisions, that's for sure...but she is certainly not alone and for every Natalie Holloway, there are other girls who get raped and plenty who somehow manage to make it home (or back to their hotel) in one piece.
I was always very lucky that I had a core group of friends who looked out for each other. We were like the Marines..."leave no one behind". Natalie wasn't any more stupid than any other girl who is young, drinking alcohol and getting attention from a cute boy who convinces her friends that she will be "just fine" if they leave her alone. I would suspect that there are more "friends" like Natalie's than friends like mine and unless you can say with 100% certainty that your kid's friends will all look out for each other and if there are chaperones, they aren't the kind of chaperone worried about looking "cool" or trying to be their kids friend (instead of being the responsible adult), I would encourage my child to look elsewhere for Spring Break ideas.
There are very few people who exhibit responsible behavior at Spring Break...the event itself is promoted as a time to let go and let off steam. "Girls Gone Wild" is a perfect example of the kind of atmosphere that encourages people to act without thinking, to get caught up in the wildness of Spring Break. When I lived in Florida, there were stories on the news nearly every night in March/April of people falling out of hotel windows, drowning on the beach, dying of alcohol poisoning, being killed in a drunk driving accident, pedestrians being mowed down by drunk drivers, the list goes on and on. It's easy to get caught up in the party atmosphere in Spring Break locations...even the so-called responsible kids end up doing some pretty dumb stuff.
And, if college kids are heading to Spring Break locations en masse, it's not inconceivable to imagine that every scummy, looking-for-trouble, sexual predator is heading there too...hoping to pick off a few people who are exhibiting irresponsible behavior and don't have friends looking out for them. Florida (as an example since there are a lot of Spring Break parties there) is a state absolutely bursting with sexual predators and the question is why WOULDN'T they head to Spring Break locations looking for trouble? Not every predator/criminal looks like one...and while they stay sober and alert, they are watching for those who are getting hammered and acting stupidly.
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yes two teens and they are grown now
